Hugs?

Yes, I've asked T for hugs and she has given them. I rarely ask though, usually after a tough session.

It sure saddens me the Ts out there who won't hug their clients because of transference. Like they're being punished for their feelings. My T used to sit by me and hold me when I cried. She quit that. I took that hard enough...but if she decided down the road to take hugs away too, I'm GONE. It would be different if she never gave hugs. Just like I was fine before she came to sit by me. But now that I know what I'm missing out on, it's hard, and I, too, feel like I'm being punished.

This is exactly how I feel, like I'm being punished for the transference. I mean, if my T had just said, "Well, you never asked for a hug so I never gave you one" or "I just don't hug my clients," it would have been fine. Guess that's a topic for next week's session (along with all the other stuff from MC today). I feel a bit like I'm being punished for transference by MC too, which we addressed a bit today, but he's at least been consistent in handshakes, so some form of touch. (that's a topic for a different thread.)

In my opinion a T should never stops hugs unless they feel physically threatened. If they don't like hugging they should say that in the first place.

I am so sorry for everything you have been through Lizzy. I have read all of your posts and I am so angry for you. If I had been you I would have been gone after the first time she took touch away. (I used to be held while I cried by a friend a few years ago and then she stopped and I felt so broken. I know how it feels. I don't want my T to hold me because I am scared) Just know that you have helped me Lizzy. I have mentioned your story to my T in fear of it happening to me and it has brought us closer. I hope things get better for you and you can be happy. I am pulling for you and sending you positive vibes.

Thank you Cinn... I'm so glad I could help you, too! I guess that's why I'm talking about it. Y'all are helping me make sense of it myself, but I am so glad to know that my situation has helped other people too! Had I seen a post like mine, I'm quite sure I would have, like you did, talk to my T about it then. I had NO idea she'd take it away as quick as it started. She says her job is to "do no harm." I feel like this has harmed me a great deal...

It's funny, I am very much a hug-gy kinda person. My family growing up was decidedly not hug-gy. I don't know where I got it from! But my h is a hugger, and my group of drumming friends are big huggers too most of them, every time I'm with them I can count on getting a few hugs. Hugs feed something in my soul. One time we were on vacation I forget where, I think somewhere in New Mexico, and in this charming town in the little town square, was a college-age girl standing there with a sign that said "Free Hugs". I had to go and get one, of course. My h and son thought I was nuts hugging a stranger. But I thought it was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen.

I have a T-shirt that says "Free hugs." I wear it to work (I work with kids, they love it!) I had it on one weekend when I was just hanging out around the house, and ran up to the gas station up the road quick. I had a woman come trotting up to me with her arms out saying "I would love a hug!" I looked at her like she was nuts, then realized what shirt I had on. I have made sure not to wear it in public since! Ha ha ha

I am also a very huggy person...but not with strangers, really!

My T and I are actually talking a lot about her bounderies and mine. I am so lucky and thankful she is so patient since I have been talking about it a lot.

Lizzy I think your T has harmed you a lot more than all the good she has done. There is this quote I just read that says "Don't ask why someone keeps hurting you. Ask yourself why you keep letting it happen". I hope you make the right decision for you.