ok I must admit my sex life with my husband is better then its ever been. I now am making love to him and not just doing "it" and being aware at the back of my mind that it's with him and not some fantasy thing.

I would never cuddle up afterwards, I use to just want to get on and forget it. But the other day, I was having this strange sensation of real love for him and so glad that I wasn't doing this alone with my mind but then its like I asked myself a question, my head said "do you wish this was happening with T" (whose female) and then I was imagining her and holding her and feeling so good that I/we had shared this most wonderful love with each other.

I then switched that thought of and went back to the awareness of it being my husband. I didn't beat myself up for having this thought, I was trying to work out if it was a babys merger with its mother that when occurs as an adult becomes mixed up with sexual feelings?

But hey hang on itsn't that something that is part of the opedal stage??? we have sexual feelings for our parents at some stage? Is this what is happening for me now?

Is this something that needs to be mentioned to T??? Is it a marker for where I am in my relationship development within the theraputic relationship???Have I passed the wanting to be rocked to a toddler stage???

SO many questions, so many thoughts

[Perna]

I'd maybe mention it if you feel comfortable enough doing so. I never mentioned such thoughts and feelings with my T though I did once mention an enjoyable dream where I was sucking my own breast where she pointed out it was an effort to not need her, to be self-contained, if you will.

I think it's hard to necessarily separate out sexual with sensual and the need for touch and holding that is part of the sexual act, especially afterwards? Feeling good and "connected" to someone is. . . feeling good and connected! I don't see anything wrong/strange in your transferring your feelings from your husband to your T and back again, etc. They both make you feel more whole and good?

[MissCharlotte]

Now this is interesting because my sex life with my husband improved after I began therapy. Why is that? Hmmm Is it this erotic transference thing?

As i said in the other thread, I can't bring myself to discuss this, not at this stage of my therapy anyway. I think you are further along than I am and I say, if you feel you can, go for it! This idea of a baby's merger with it's mother sounds dead on, so why don't you approach it with your T from that angle....asking her about how that is reflected in an adult relationship? Maybe then she will bring it up first and you can discuss it without blurting out your innermost secrets!

Yes, so many questions....

Sister, I guess for me its because all my life has been in fantasy. I even prefered "solo" sex because I was driven by fantasys, now those fantasys no longer work for me, so "real" life is entering my life and I can find comfort from reality more than fantasy. My fantasys kept me safe, kept me from needing anyone, now I am begining to allow myself to feel for my husband not so afraid that I will be abandoned and actually choosing to enjoy love making with him. I'd never known what real love making meant before, it for me was a mechanical thing that one just "did". Now it has so much more attached to it. I guess its because i'm maturing emotionally because of therapy.

[SecretGarden]

Good for you Mouse. That is a beautiful sentiment.