Couch 97: Prime Pyramids

Camping with the horses is amazing. It is a real bonding experience with them.

Hey couch! We visited Tuzigoot National Monument this morning and hiked up to the top, I met this little fellow on the way up, isn't he adorable??

And here's the view from the top of Tuzigoot:

Just my luck....

I went out to clean my car out and after pulling out 2 things it started to pour down rain. Guess I will be doing that job between C and CVS tomorrow.

Hopefully, it will be done raining before I have to leave for work this afternoon. I hate the rain. I could never live somewhere where it rains a lot. I think it rains to much in Florida. Wow...the wind is howling now. Guess we are going to get quite the storm.

Now we are heading out to do a mine tour. We are being very active for a vacation! This evening we're doing a ghost hunting tour complete with ghost-hunting equipment, that should be interesting! It's a walking tour around town for over 2 hours so I think we will sleep really good tonight!!

I don't understand why I have to sabotage a perfectly good mood by reading PC blogs (the "expert" blogs, not member blogs - I have never looked at any of the member created ones.) It makes me so furious I want to terminate my therapy and every single friendship I have and never talk to another person again unless it's related to work.

I guess I should terminate my therapy, at that.

My boys and I went to a local performance of Godspell this afternoon. Marvelous production with lots of great local talent. I think the last production of Godspell I saw was way back in the late 70's.

I was glad to get out. I've had a stomach bug for a few days which I have so generously passed on to my husband. If he's feeling up to it tomorrow night, we might go back to see the play again. I know he'd enjoy it.

Thank you, growly. I go from feeling extremely worried about what is wrong...to not feeling half bad.

The test is downright uncomfortable. But I'm more concerned (at times) by what it will show.

Yet, I did grocery shopping today. Life must go on.

I'm thinking about getting a slight unfill from my lapband to see if that decreases the palpitations.
Has anyone heard if lapband fills can irritate the heart?

My mind is all over the map.

My brother was in a production of Godspell a number of years ago when he was in seminary, I was in awe of him singing "Prepare ye the way of the Lord" he blew me outta the water, I never knew he could sing like that!! It was an awesome rendition. I'd never seen it performed live before or since, but I had the album in college and listened to it a lot.

Who built those and for what purpose?

The way IT seems to work at big companies these days is that contractors create products and the IT department creates paperwork.

I just read a profile about me written by one of the writers at my alma mater (Oh my gosh, I have an Alma Mater!!!) I mentioned my therapist by name in it as a mentor. It reminds me of.... how far I've come in becoming... an open person, a woman of integrity. Strong enough to be myself, my ambitious, talented, fat, demanding, spiritual, creative, interdependent, honest, beautiful, temperamental, earnest, unfolding self.

Here's to all of us who are working on a deliberate life.

An ancient culture known as the Sinagua. They lived in them, in the individual rooms, the walls I think I read earlier today were at one time 6 feet high.

More here: Arizona: Monumental Arizona: Tuzigoot

Happy Monday, couch friends..

Have you ever been so confused you don't have words? I feel like I've upset my T, which I know isn't the 'truth' so why do I feel that way? I just want to run away and hide forever.

Happy Monday.

Happy Monday couch. I had T this morning, which I am not enjoying at all these days. My old T was more than happy to let me gloss over the things that were hurting me, and helped me focus on living day-to-day. My new T is having none of that. She told me today that we had a great session, I did some hard work.

To me that translates into being upset and crying a lot, which we all know I hate. I faced some hard truths today, and started tracing tentacles from "I feel like this" based on this long meandering tentacle that stretches back 40 years, crosses over itself many times in knots, and finally ends in a lesson I've internalized from my childhood.

So now I'm at work, I'm reading the super expensive DBT Skills Workbook, and I'm working on radical acceptance, the blocks to acceptance, and basic distress tolerance skills.

I'd rather be sleeping! Hope you all fare better today, and that a good weekend was had by all.

Two more weeks until T. It feels like I'm never going to see him again. I wonder why that is - back in June I thought the summer would be long but eventually come to an end, and I had all kinds of plans for what I'd do over the summer, and here I am at the end of summer, most of my plans came to nothing, and I can't even imagine going back to T. (I don't mean that I don't want to, just that I can't imagine what it will be like.) At least three different rather important things have happened, two bad/hurtful and one rather positive.... if any one of them had occurred between two T sessions I would probably have brought it up or at least tried to do so, but now I feel that I ought to just ignore the summer.

Sorry. Babbling.

Hugs to all of us brave bi-atches doing therapy. To those of us that can't or won't settle. Those of us who fight despair and pain, those of us who have hope and live deeply enough that it takes someone special, a therapist, to meet us in that meaningful place that is our experience.

I needed that. Thank you. Beautiful.

Me too. My impulse is to pull away, to say i can do it by myself. So i wonder what i can do if i stay?.

I do need a health break tho. It was SO NICE not to have to rush anywhere this morning. I actually have the whole week off. To wash clothes and clean my house, and try to regain SOME semblance of health. I am washing dishes right now. I havent really touched the kitchen in about two weeks.

There was a moment yesterday where it felt like something in my body clicked - like maybe the bad cooties finally fell below a certain level and good cooties were back in charge. Like, virus defeated! Things arent such a physical struggle today. Dr Google did say that by today i should be over my heat exhaustion.

I, too, feel like I should be able to do this alone. T is always correcting me with, "we are in this together". I go 3x a week and I feel as though going down to 2x a week is coming which logically I think I'd be okay with but at the same time I feel like emotionally it's her shoving me away. I feel lately that T is shoving me away. There is no logical reasoning for this and I don't understand it but nonetheless the feeling is there and I don't think I'm in a mentally stable position to deal with it well. 1 hour til session. I'm so nervous. Hoping I don't throw up again today :/. I want to crawl in a hole and not come out but that wouldn't do any good. /rambling

I'm pretty sure that have to learn to do it by myself. I think that's why I don't want to tell T about the things that have happened during the summer. He was not there and so I had to cope on my own, and that means I ought to keep coping on my own. Right?

I hope your session goes well, Ellahmae.

Oy, you t'ink you got troubles?! Okay mebbe i bin watchin too many barbra streisand movies - i finally saw Yentl! Loved it! Shes so cute as a boy!! But mandy patinkin - so harsh to her when she's A WOMAN. "Why am i talking to a woman?" Oh MAN!!!

i feel i am damned if i do, damned if i dont email t while hes on vac if i dont, why didnt i. If i do - its too hard! My head is just not there yet. It was there at the beginning of his vacation, but now? Idk. I will probably write him a short status later this week. He says he worries. Or cares. Or something. I guess i gotta learn how to act when someone does care without rolling my eyes!

I'm sorry - I really did not mean to imply that my issues are bad, not in comparison with what every other person here has to deal with.

Mast, you never have to apologize for posting your troubles. Other people may be doing better or worse but that doesn't make your problems insignificant! I never get the impression that anyone on the couch plays the one up game. (((((Mast)))))