[MissCharlotte]

I couldn't post last night -- it was such a difficult session and I was so fried.

The transference is out in the open now. He asked what I got from making phone call to him between sessions and I told him that I needed to feel safe and sometimes just needed to hear his voice to experience that safety.

I am having trouble touching my anger. T gave me a pillow to throw but I couldn't manage to throw it very far, so when it landed right by my chair, I had to pick it up and set it correctly on the couch (my ocd) and T made a comment about me having to fix things. (LOL)

So much emotion, my dissociation took a new form (well, new for during a session but not new for me). I felt extremely tired, and like a thick fog was surrounding me. T noticed it before I did. There was a moat between us.

Exhausted and somewhat sad all day today, still in a fog, but it is lifting slowly. I really wish I didn't dissociate so often.

awwww sorry it was such a hard session. I talked to my T once about the fog after sessions and she suggested that i try yoga or running to help myself come back (so to say). You have my support.

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sister said:

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The transference is out in the open now. He asked what I got from making phone call to him between sessions and I told him that I needed to feel safe and sometimes just needed to hear his voice to experience that safety.

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Yay! How does it feel now?

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I am having trouble touching my anger. T gave me a pillow to throw but I couldn't manage to throw it very far, so when it landed right by my chair, I had to pick it up and set it correctly on the couch (my ocd) and T made a comment about me having to fix things. (LOL)

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Hehe, I don't mean to laugh at you, but this is just so cute. My T would never give me something to throw, not even a cotton ball, lol... too much bottled up anger that he knows about... I'd end up socking him in the eye or something... We have a thing in which I talk about what I want to throw... Whenever I get mad, he asks, "Should I duck?"

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Exhausted and somewhat sad all day today, still in a fog, but it is lifting slowly. I really wish I didn't dissociate so often.

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But you did great work. Congratulations on trusting and opening up.

[MissCharlotte]

Esther,
Interesting that you should mention yoga, or running to connect with myself.

Sometiems getting in touch with myself requires using my body in some way!

When you take the time to notice and feel the sensations in your body (your oldest companion) it reminds you that you are still here.

So, I like to walk or do some sort of exercies..

[MissCharlotte]

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The transference is out in the open now. He asked what I got from making phone call to him between sessions and I told him that I needed to feel safe and sometimes just needed to hear his voice to experience that safety.


Yay! How does it feel now?


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Well, you know what PInk? I am relieved. I'm glad I don't have to hide it or hold it in anymore. I don't know how I just spilled my guts but I did it so matter-of-factly and calmly. Hey, this just occurred to me, maybe that's why I was dissociated in that fog...
maybe what I needed to do that session was let him know how I felt but was not able to do if I was fully present. Hmmmmm You see, last week I called him and left a message that he didn't have to call me back. When I went this week, I had forgotten about it for the moment, but T brought it up and I just went ahead and engaged in the conversation.

Sigh of relief......

Sister, I often picture throwing T's cushions around before I get there, but once there it fades.

[MissCharlotte]

Hey Mouse,

If you come back I'll give you a pillow to throw at us!

The thing is, I really felt like throwing something but just couldn't manage to get my guts up enought to really heave the pillow so it sort of fizzled out. I don't believe that is the last time I will try to though. Something tells me my therapy will get physical---with me throwing things around the room. (LOL, T better duck).

[SecretGarden]

I see you are gaining momentum.... ;-) I am sure there will be plenty of opportunity.