Signs of a bad therapist

I think this is a sort of decent article.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...aumatizing-you

Bad therapists have so much potential to do SO much damage.

One thing that really bothers me is so many people say that therapy can cause your life to get worse before it gets better. I do get this on some level, but how much worse and for how long? It seems like at some point things should start getting better for a client. I don't know.

I think it was a patronising and superciliously written article. But then, I'm clearly not the target audience.

Edited to add: To clarify, I have no problems with professionals writing about red flags and bad therapy, and what to look for. But I very much resent being told what my life should look like and what I should think or feel. That, for me, would be a huge red flag if a therapist should say such things to me, and somebody who uses that kind of phrasing in writing is either oblivious to the meaning of words or else they actually think that they know what everybody else's lives ought to be like. Either way, it's patronising.

For years I left therapy wanting to go home and hurt myself. After 5 years it hadn't gotten any better. Now with the new one I leave feeling less judged, safer, more supported, and I have made more progress in 6 months. I don't think therapy should cause years and years of pain with no healing.

Here are a few more lists of warning signs:

50 Warning Signs of Questionable Therapy and Counseling

Warning signs of a bad therapist | Individual Therapy and Couples Counseling

How to Know when You have a Bad Therapist - Therapy - Depression

It may be that way to you. To me, as someone who has been extremely hurt and damaged by a therapist that I trusted, it is validating. I think victims need to hear that validation sometimes. It seems you have no idea what it feels like to be harmed that badly by a therapist. I am glad you have not gone through that. I wish I had read that article many years ago.

Mostly what victims hear is blame and shame and how it is our fault. The tide needs to turn and people need to speak out against bad therapists. I was like you once and thought I had a good one. I did not. He hurt me very badly. It happens to people over and over.

I hate that people get so blinded in therapy they can't see the potential harm (not talking to you in particular).

Another article:

Talking therapies can harm too ? here's what to look out for

I also found this book to be helpful:

Manufacturing Victims: What the Psychology Industry Is Doing to People by Tana Dineen

Luckily, many websites point out that it is important to have a good feeling about your therapist and that you should look for s.o. else if you feel that it isn't a good fit.

The sad thing is there doesn't seem to be many, if any, "good" ones. I'm not even sure what that means. I see so many people brag about their great therapist and then they end up hurt by them, blaming themselves and so much worse off.

I think many people in therapy are so scared of losing their therapist, their lifeline, that they want to put the blame of bad therapy onto the client. Many of those people end up being hurt themselves.

It's sad.

A bad therapist is one who misinterprets symptoms and tries to fit the client into a specific disorder. I've been through it and it was hell. After every appointment I felt worse. When it got really bad I quit.

In my opinion bad therapist encourages dependency, kind of same as bad parent.

Rather than teaching skills and ability to function independently t ensures that client never gets better and never leaves said therapist. Kind of rather than working on whatever client needs to function therapy becomes "working on relationship with therapist". It is nonsense in my opinion.

Sure few sessions here and there are understandable but a day after day a year after year discussing therapy in therapy makes no sense to me.

Like if I went to a dentist but rather than fixing a cavity was discussing my relationship with the dentist yet my teeth would just rut away!!! ( sorry dentist example again lol)

I totally blame therapists!!!

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I think like almost everything written in Psych Today, there's a nugget or two of sense couched in a sea of useless generalizations. And no differentiation made between feeling worse and being worse. The first may be inevitable, at least at times; the second should not be a consequence of competent therapy.

I am sure this will make people feel somewhat punchy, but I think there are actually quite a number of good therapists out there. However, once you've seen one or two awful ones, it's easy to think that they all suck.

(This is where it gets punchy making,) however, just as some people tend to chose bad relationships over and over again, I think there's a possibility that people might be attracted to bad therapists as well. I'm not blaming anyone for having a bad therapist, but if you've seen a bunch of bad therapists, maybe it's worthwhile looking at the sort of therapist you're inclined to choose.

In my opinion, the worst therapists are the super nice ones who get all snuggly and encourage lots of contact and lavish what they call 'support' on clients, but is really just scaffolding which can be and is kicked out from under the client at any time. But I think a lot of people initially find this kind of therapist very comforting and want hugs, hand holding (literal, not metaphorical) etc. because that kind of therapist seems to fulfil a need.

The thing is, if you have a therapist who maintains reasonable boundaries, shows appropriate care and first and foremost, is interested in making you an independently mentally healthy person, you're not going to get a lot of the mushy stuff that people get attached to. And I wonder if some people are actually repelled by therapists who probably seem 'cold' when what they actually are is appropriate.

There seems to be a pattern on this forum of people becoming super attached to touchy feely therapists who encourage out of session contact, etc. And then being screwed over by them. There seems to be a really strong correlation between therapists with 'unorthodox' boundaries, and clients who get destroyed by them.

I think therapy itself is patronizing. I think there are therapists who mean well, but the mental health care system and training therapists receive is extremely flawed and outdated. It all needs overhauling.

I know a therapist who told me she knows (through school and work) about 50 therapy students and therapists and she thought only about 5 of them would be good therapists. She said most of them she would NEVER go to. The profession itself attracts people looking to be fixed and people who have god complexes who believe they can fix other people. That just leaves a few who might be okay. It makes sense to me.

So maybe it isn't about good and bad therapists. It is about bad therapy. A flawed system.

Oh I agree there must be many good ones. I think mine is.

I don't think this forum is a fair representation of what's going on.

I dare to say but I observe that people don't always want to work on their issues but instead want to focus on
What's going on with therapist. It might be easier. They might not want to address what's going on in
Their personal life.

Unfortunately hugging and touching and love you coming from
A t can only fulfill the need for a short time. It can't replace whatever is that clients are missing in real life.

it is therapist job to focus on what's missing and how to fix it rather than doing huggy touchy stuff that doesn't ever work in a long run. It is their job to redirect a client on to working in
Bettering their life instead of jumping in with hugs and kisses

Sorry my phone is acting funny





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I think that everyone has different needs. I would not wish to box others into my way and would not want to be boxed into the way some here describe how they think everyone should do it.

Many therapists strongly encourage the relationship between them and the client. They focus on that as being what will heal the client. I know several I contacted by email told me that was their focus. Maybe it is helpful for some people because everyone needs something different. I think it can get really unhealthy though when the client depends on the therapist too much. Many therapists seem to LOVE being that god-like person for the client. I find it repulsive.

Here is an article written by a client who has had good and bad therapy (in her opinion):

How to Know when You have a Bad Therapist - Therapy - Depression

I don't agree with everything in this one, but I do agree that a decent therapist should be able to admit being wrong or not knowing everything:

How Do You Know If Your Therapist Is Helping You? | Michael Bader, D.M.H.

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I didn't know my T was breaking my confidentiality. I didn't know he didn't want me as a client. I thought we had a connection, I thought he understood me, I thought he was listening to me....I didn't know he was looking down on me the whole time. I didn't know he was seeing HER. I didn't know he was telling HER my personal business. Why in the world would he do that to me?? Why?? Why would hurt me in the worst possible way he could?? He ruined my career. He ruined friendships. He ruined my life. My career was the only thing I had. He took that from mee.....

Why would anyone hurt me so badly??? Why?? He is an idiot. He has no idea, no concept whatsoever of how much he hurt me. I'm just crying my eyes out today, no different than s many other days the last two years.

Many therapists are more mentally ill than the clients they treat. Many of them have no business working with vulnerable people. I hope you will consider filing a complaint against this one.

It strikes me as very odd that this sort of article should be needed. What is it that these people are supposed to be doing? Why is there no objective way to measure whether they are doing it or not? Dumbo feather/believe in Tinkerbell is all I can come up with.

I don't think anyone knows what is going on in therapy, especially the therapists.

I am taking some classes just to find out what it is they spend time in school doing? Thus far, labeling is the main thing.

I am curious as to what they actually learn/do in school.