[MissCharlotte]

So,

Where do you sit in your T's office during session. Does the arrangement ever change?

I sit across from my T in a comfy chair. There is a couch but the only time I was on it, was in a sitting position when my husband and I were both in the office at the same time and he was sitting in the "hot seat."

Sometimes I just wish we could go for a walk together.

the seating arrangement could change, but i am a creature of habit. i sit right in the middle of a two-seater couch opposite my t. there is a comfy chair to the left of the couch (so i'd be kinda at a bit of a diagonal to him), but i went for the couch the first time and just kinda stuck with it ever since. the couch is kinda closer to him. i guess i picked it the first time round because it was most salient when i walked through the door and because i didn't want to look like i was sitting as far away from him as possible and because i didn't want to be as far away from the door (exit) as possible, either.

couch isn't long enough to lie down i don't think. unless i had my legs kinda folded up with my knees in the air which would be a little too... not quite provocative... but reminiscent of certain sexual positions. i have mentioned to him that i'd rather lye down (in an email) but he hasn't mentioned it since then.

i think he prefers the notion that eventually i will look at him. i guess he is trying to help with the right brain - right brain communication and eye contact is supposed to help facilitate that. also, i'm a bit of a mumbler and our accents are a little different so it probably helps him follow what i'm saying if he can see my mouth.

argh. he isn't allowed to see me he is not :-(

I sit on the very edge of the sofa like I'm ready to bolt. Sometimes I sit on the arm.

[sunrise]

There are two couches in my T's office, opposite each other. They each could hold at least 3 people. He's a family therapist, so he needs room for the masses. He has his own "therapy chair", which is a lightweight office swivel chair on wheels. No matter where you sit, he can come to you in this chair.

I sit at one end of one of the couches, near the window, which as a gorgeous lake view. My first time, I sat on the at the opposite end of the same couch, nearer the door. But at our second session, we were doing EMDR, and T instructed me where to sit, near the EMDR equipment. And I've been there ever since. Sometimes by the time my early evening appointment rolls around, T is tired of being in his chair, so he will switch to the couch opposite me where he can unfurl himself a bit. I don't like this as well, because it puts him a bit further away from me, but it's OK. I don't think I'd like to lie on the couch as that would make it hard to look into my T's eyes. Lately, my husband has been coming to therapy, and he has chosen to sit on the couch opposite me in the spot T usually takes if he's not in his therapy chair. So that puts T back in his chair at right angles to both of us, equidistant from each of us. It works.

I like thinking about stuff like this. I think my T takes great care with how his office is set up, so I know it is important. I feel part of the "healing circle" of a quartet of sculptures that he has set up. It's cool. And healing.

With my former counselor, her room was sterile and boring with one chair for her and two chairs opposite her, both kind of uncomfortable and nothing special. I asked her once what chair her clients mostly chose, and she revealed that 90% of the people chose the other chair from the one I sat in. She also said that she always asks people if she can hang up their coat or sweater for them, and some people will never let her do this for them. I always let her take my coat and hang it.

[mel4]

well, my T has a T-chair, as well as an "L" shaped couch. for the first few sessions, as i was slowly getting to know her, she would sit in her T-chair, and i would sit in the corner of the "L couch". after about a month, she asked if she could sit on the couch with me. from that day on, she has sat at one end of the "L", and ive sat at the other.

mel

My T sits by the door in case he has to bolt out, hahaha. Actually most Ts do sit by the door in case they do need to call for help.

Anyway, so his chair is near the door. Then there is a chair across from him, and a chair in between those two. I always sit across from him. It would be funny if one day I sat in the other chair because then I'd be facing the opposite wall instead of him.

Then there is the dreaded psychoanalytic couch. For a year and a half he has been trying to get me to lay on the couch. I won't do it. He said I can start out any way I want-- perhaps sitting on the couch facing him, laying on my stomach so I can see him, anything I want. He said I can start out talking about stuff that's real easy for me-- things that make me happy-- my birds, reading, whatever. Haven't done it so far. Scared.

I have asked a few times if I can lay under the couch, lol.

When I first started going to therapy with him, I would sit upright in the chair. Now I lean all the way back, slouch down, get comfy. But if I'm in 'shut-down' mode, I will sit upright, arms crossed, creating a barrier of body language.

Sometimes I talk with my eyes closed. Sometimes it's just too much to look.

[dreamrunner]

Theres only two chairs and a small table off side with box of tissue on it.Face to face we sit.
I notice he's very carefull of his body language.
We always sit in the same spots .......I usually look at a clock during the session....I dont like to stare at him.
Weird eh?

[MissCharlotte]

Pinksoil said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I have asked a few times if I can lay under the couch, lol.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

LOL --- Now, that's a great idea. I would have loved to have been there last night...

> My T sits by the door in case he has to bolt out, hahaha.

awwwwwwwwwww

but I wanna sit by the door in case i have to bolt out :-(

[Rapunzel]

My T has four chairs at the four corners of a small room. It seems like the side where the door is must be the clients' side of the room, and the opposite wall is T's side of the room. One wall has a window, and I always sit in the chair in that corner, closest to the window. T has most often sat across from me, also by the window, but now that it is warmer she seems to want to sit in the other chair on her side, further from the window. Last time I still sat by the window, and she sat diagonally from me, away from the window on her side of the room. She also has a desk in the corner away from the window, on her side. Sometimes I want to hide under the desk, but it would be awkward because it is on T's side of the room and I don't go over there.

I have a client who hides under my desk sometimes. He thinks that looks like a good place for a nap, and he has a bag that he brings and uses for a pillow. I really like that idea sometimes and wish that I could take a nap under the desk. At home sometimes I have sat in the little space under my desk when I don't feel like being visible or dealing with people and the world.

I usually kick off my shoes and curl up into a little ball on the chair. If there were a couch, I'd be curled up as small as I can get at one end, I'm sure.

I can see why a T would want to be close to the door and be able to go call for help if necessary, but I have also been told that the T should never be between the client and the door. In case of angry clients, they don't want to be blocking the client's escape route.

.

I am curious about the physical contact between you and your therapist.

Please, please, please understand that I am not criticizing what goes on in your session.

I have a specific stance in regards to physical contact.

And I am trying to put the pieces together-- you mentioned that very heavy transference has stalled your therapy. And now I have learned about the physical contact aspect.

And I want to know more. From your perspective. I want to learn.

[Rapunzel]

If my T had chairs outside in the back yard (she has a little house that she uses as an office) I think I would ask if we could sit outside. Except that the cats don't go outside, and I like the cats. One time I went and she was using the basement instead of the regular therapy room because it was summer and it was hot, and the basement is cooler. I would have rather gone to the usual room, or outside.

[Hopefull]

Dr. A (psychologist) from my college days had a desk and I sat on the otherside of the desk. He sometimes sat out from behind the desk but the desk was towards the center of the room and made it more intimidating.
My next T (Nov. 05-feb. 06) had a desk by the wall, a chair and a couch. If I sat on the couch, T sat in her desk chair and felt too far away from me. If I sat in the chair off to the side of the desk, T sat in desk chair and I crained my neck to look at her. She didn't seem to care how uncomfortable her office was.
My current T (Feb. 06-present) has a desk chair, chair, and a couch. When I first met her, I always sat in the chair by the desk and she sat on the couch but I ended up within inches of another clients file page. I kept looking at it and wanting to ask T to put it away for me all through the session. I never got the guts to ask her. I think I switched to the couch soon after that. I then discovered that all her degrees in on the side of the room where the chair is. So when I sit on the couch, she sits in the chair with her degrees on the wall behind her head. I then found that I was probably sitting where she usually does and didn't even know it. I now sit on the couch. I have thought about laying on the couch but wasn't sure if she allowed people to put their feet on the couch (I walk over to the hospital to see her. So, my shoes might get dirty from the sidewalk, crossing streets etc). I ask her about laying on the couch towards the end of a session, she said that noone tends to do that but I can if I want to. (I pretty much ask if people ever lay on the couch. I still chicken out of asking for favors from T and others) I haven't ever taken her up on the offer.
I have had some fantasies of hiding under the desk or curling up into a fetal ball. I find that a fetal ball position is a rather soothing position for me. It makes me feel safe.

She sits in a nice desk chair. Her desk faces the wall/window, so the chaird is in the middle of the room.

I started out sitting in a chair but have moved to the couch. I longed to be on the couch and one day I hope to be able to lay on it. Sometimes I want to lay on it and sleep. lol.

I would love to kick my shoes off and curl up a bit on the couch. But I would want to sit at the other end if I did that, and that would put me farther away from her and I don't want to be be farther away from her. Also I don't hear well and it would make hearing her harder to be farther away.

I've never had a T sit near the door. I've always been nearer the door, as I do now.

my T room has two recliners (one she sits in next to the window opposite the door) and a three seater couch

when i go i always sit on the couch as far away from her and close to the door

i always sit on the edge of the cushion
case i have to bolt out...lol

[sidony]

My therapist's office has a long L-shaped couch (or it might be 2 couches), plus a nice chair (I think it reclines) and the T's chair (and one other chair too I think). Some of his clients pick the chair, but I always sit at one end of the sofa and am directly across from him (yes, his chair is next to the door but doesn't block it of course). I occasionally kick off my shoes and pull my feet up beside me, but I've never lain down. I think it would be uncomfortable to lie down because it'd feel out of place and it'd be difficult to see him. Somehow I doubt his clients lie on the couch, and he's never suggested that I do that. Though he did offer me a blanket once in group when I'd put my sweater over my legs. It was an awesome down blanket. I would have liked to wrap up completely in it, but that'd probably put me to sleep. He has big comfy pillows on his couch too. I'm in that same office for group therapy, but then I sit at the other end of the L couch. I occasionally move to the middle of the other side of the L when there are fewer people present, but I never sit where I sit for individual. And he sits in a different place for group too. Actually I'm realizing that I'm still sitting across from him since we both moved in group. I guess I like being across from him though the first time I took that spot it was just because it was the only one left (and I'm a creature of habit so I stick with the same spot).

Sidony

P.S. I like that he specifically told me that the room arrangement would be a little different in group therapy, so it didn't seem strange to me when I walked in and he was in a different-than-usual place.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
I am curious about the physical contact between you and your therapist.

Please, please, please understand that I am not criticizing what goes on in your session.

I have a specific stance in regards to physical contact.

And I am trying to put the pieces together-- you mentioned that very heavy transference has stalled your therapy. And now I have learned about the physical contact aspect.

And I want to know more. From your perspective. I want to learn.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

after some time to breath...[a lot less time than I expected ...which perhaps mean I am growing(?)]...i think i can come back and say some words about your question, Pinksoil.

before i freaked out and deleted things: i wrote that I have reclined with my head on my therapist's lap, and on one occasion she sat on a couch and I laid back on her lap, while we talked.

egosh I wrote it again...

my past experience with touch is this:

1. parents occasionally neglectful: so "good touch" was not absent but rare. more often there was no physical contact or they spanked.

2. when i was 8 or 9...my older sister if 13 or 14 sexually touched me. (i'm still trying to understand still whether it was "abuse" or not...but this particular forum isn't really the place for getting that understanding - therapy is.) the parents found out and immediately it was, in my young eyes, thought to be my fault. my parents barely wanted to talk to me or even look at me afterward and I felt abandoned. i had failed them.

but 3. i still felt a need for physical contact.

so things were clashing all the time. (1) i felt physical contact was bad already at 8/9. yet (2) i wanted some contact.

these two things were directly opposed to each other. so (1) each time i wanted touch, i felt wrong and bad because it was 'bad' to touch.
(2) but without touch, i felt bad too. so i couldn't win.

and that is how it is to this moment.

i literally have zero real relationships at this point...other than work acquaintances...and perhaps a couple online people.

so...i have no real opportunity to learn about "good touch" and believe good touch is real.

so...when i was in therapy before this break....my T was my only "friend". so things like resting my head on her lap or hugs or the like....have been a cautious attempt to learn about 'good touch' and "safe touch".

before the break though...maybe a month or so before...i pulled away from any physical touch: no handshakes...not even a hand on a shoulder. even once when i was walking by her to go into her office...she sort of put her hand up to sort of lead me in with her hand near my back...not even really touch my back...but you know how you sort of "guide people". and seeing her even innocently hint that i may be touched...i sort of steered myself away...and she noticed it and we discussed it.

so her rare physical contact with me has become none. but the intial thought was to make me experience at least one "good/safe" touch. thus far...it is very hard.

when i saw her yesterday for the first time in over 2 months...for only like 2 minutes....i was aware that i didn't want to touch her.

so touch has been, in my heart, bad for a long time and any kind of touch feels dirty to me...but, also in my heart, i want safe/caring touch. i don't know how to really resolve it ... other than to experience good/safe touch and just bear it.

and since i have no one but my therapist and i'm in or was in therapy to find a way to make relationships....my therapist is the only link. thus....safe touch has been occasionally involved.

i even went to a massage therapist for a few months (a couple times a month - under the recommendation of my therapist) but it didn't really help. i figured why not try. but i could feel myself "emotionally" going into a fetal position sometimes and more felt like it was something being done too me and not for me and that i wasn' t in control. so i stopped massage therapy

so here i stand...still with the fear that all touch is dirty.

and no one to help me get through it (but my therapist who i am on break from)

[Evangelista]

My regular T sits across in a comfy chair w/ a foot stool. I get the roomy leather couch, it’s very comfy. Sometimes when the dissociation is really bad, I look again and he is sitting on the foot stool staring at me..that is very scary..

My Trauma T has a BIG office with two chairs and a foot stool, and blankets, and stuff. I sit across from him unless we are doing deep work then he comes sometimes along side as we use guided imagery. He lets me know if he rearranges the office, and moves things, because it confuses me when things get moved around on the walls, and behind him…I get all nervous.

I am exited because my Trauma T is going to buy a rocking chair for his clients, I like rocking chairs, it’s very soothing and comforting to rock back and forth, at least I find it so.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Ipse_Dixit said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
I am curious about the physical contact between you and your therapist.

Please, please, please understand that I am not criticizing what goes on in your session.

I have a specific stance in regards to physical contact.

And I am trying to put the pieces together-- you mentioned that very heavy transference has stalled your therapy. And now I have learned about the physical contact aspect.

And I want to know more. From your perspective. I want to learn.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

after some time to breath...[a lot less time than I expected ...which perhaps mean I am growing(?)]...i think i can come back and say some words about your question, Pinksoil.

before i freaked out and deleted things: i wrote that I have reclined with my head on my therapist's lap, and on one occasion she sat on a couch and I laid back on her lap, while we talked.

egosh I wrote it again...

my past experience with touch is this:

1. parents occasionally neglectful: so "good touch" was not absent but rare. more often there was no physical contact or they spanked.

2. when i was 8 or 9...my older sister if 13 or 14 sexually touched me. (i'm still trying to understand still whether it was "abuse" or not...but this particular forum isn't really the place for getting that understanding - therapy is.) the parents found out and immediately it was, in my young eyes, thought to be my fault. my parents barely wanted to talk to me or even look at me afterward and I felt abandoned. i had failed them.

but 3. i still felt a need for physical contact.

so things were clashing all the time. (1) i felt physical contact was bad already at 8/9. yet (2) i wanted some contact.

these two things were directly opposed to each other. so (1) each time i wanted touch, i felt wrong and bad because it was 'bad' to touch.
(2) but without touch, i felt bad too. so i couldn't win.

and that is how it is to this moment.

i literally have zero real relationships at this point...other than work acquaintances...and perhaps a couple online people.

so...i have no real opportunity to learn about "good touch" and believe good touch is real.

so...when i was in therapy before this break....my T was my only "friend". so things like resting my head on her lap or hugs or the like....have been a cautious attempt to learn about 'good touch' and "safe touch".

before the break though...maybe a month or so before...i pulled away from any physical touch: no handshakes...not even a hand on a shoulder. even once when i was walking by her to go into her office...she sort of put her hand up to sort of lead me in with her hand near my back...not even really touch my back...but you know how you sort of "guide people". and seeing her even innocently hint that i may be touched...i sort of steered myself away...and she noticed it and we discussed it.

so her rare physical contact with me has become none. but the intial thought was to make me experience at least one "good/safe" touch. thus far...it is very hard.

when i saw her yesterday for the first time in over 2 months...for only like 2 minutes....i was aware that i didn't want to touch her.

so touch has been, in my heart, bad for a long time and any kind of touch feels dirty to me...but, also in my heart, i want safe/caring touch. i don't know how to really resolve it ... other than to experience good/safe touch and just bear it.

and since i have no one but my therapist and i'm in or was in therapy to find a way to make relationships....my therapist is the only link. thus....safe touch has been occasionally involved.

i even went to a massage therapist for a few months (a couple times a month - under the recommendation of my therapist) but it didn't really help. i figured why not try. but i could feel myself "emotionally" going into a fetal position sometimes and more felt like it was something being done too me and not for me and that i wasn' t in control. so i stopped massage therapy

so here i stand...still with the fear that all touch is dirty.

and no one to help me get through it (but my therapist who i am on break from)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's an amazing story, Ipse. Thank you for sharing it. You helped me to understand how touch from a therapist can have different meaning. I'm glad it made you feel safe. How did it feel for you, sharing all of this information? Typing it out? Maybe this all happened for a reason...

actually....like everything else i deal with...it seems i can understand all of these issues logically. thus far over the past 3 years, my therapist and i have been able to lay out the "truth" of most things in a "logical" way.

but i can't "get it" emotionally.

metaphorically, it is like the "logical truths" are laying in a row at my feet, but i'm so emotionally paralyzed and my sight is so hazy and i'm so "nauseated" by the emotional parts of me that I can't reach down and pick them. I see them, but can't "get them" emotionally, even though they are like an inch away.

and there seems to be something at my "core self" that won't let me "get it" emotionally -- it feels like a part of me won't let me get "deep enough in" (especially due to the barriers brought by my stunningly complicated defense system) to get an understanding of why i can't get things emotionally.

it is interesting about physical touch and closeness in the office with my therapist. sometimes i want her close and others i want her as far away as possible (the latter was more prevalent a month or two before my break). i recall during some sessions i have felt a disconnect from her and her approach felt more "clincial and sterile" when she was in her chair and I was in mind, as compared to a few moments later when she'd move closer to do some "EMDR" work, and when she'd talk and when she was closer her voice would be softer and the "clinical and sterile" therapist would be gone. We both are aware that when she starts to talk about things in a "clincial" way that my mind starts to shut down.

[Izzyparker]

I lie on a couch. I'd thought I would post about it since very few people do. It was scary at first but after awhile I got use to it. It took about 6 months of discussing lying down before I mustered the courage to take the plunge.

The main difference I feel is freedom. After the initial fear had dissipated, I found it was easier to talk about difficult subjects because I didn't have to see my t's face or reaction. Emotions bubble up to the surface and there is less guarding of the gate. Not to say that therapy is ever easy, it's hard work. There have been a few time I decided to sit and I found it distracting. I like shutting my eyes and just feeling my way around my therapy.

[mel4]

hmmm, come to think of it, with my 1st T that i left about half a year ago, i was just begging to lie on the couch so i wouldnt have to see her expressions when i would say something. it just seemed so much easier to not have to look at her. but with my new T, i would NEVER want to lie on the freud-esque couch. infact, i love seeing her facial expressions, especially the look in her eyes.

mel

[DePressMe]

I do a comfy chair often with a pillow in my lap. If I don't have the pillow, I have other little things my T provides. Just little things to hold onto--rocks and toys. Sometimes I focus on them and it helps to decrease some of my anxiety...they are kinda like a crutch. Really, I like to be sitting and I try to make eye contact with my T. I think it helps us work on things together--feels like we are a team or maybe we are working on a project together. I really don't think I could lie down on a couch. I think I would feel too far away.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Izzyparker said:
I lie on a couch. I'd thought I would post about it since very few people do. It was scary at first but after awhile I got use to it. It took about 6 months of discussing lying down before I mustered the courage to take the plunge.

The main difference I feel is freedom. After the initial fear had dissipated, I found it was easier to talk about difficult subjects because I didn't have to see my t's face or reaction. Emotions bubble up to the surface and there is less guarding of the gate. Not to say that therapy is ever easy, it's hard work. There have been a few time I decided to sit and I found it distracting. I like shutting my eyes and just feeling my way around my therapy.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's awesome. After a year and a half of my T wanting me to lie on the couch, and me not wanting to... we finally figured out why-- because I need to look at him. It's quite amazing. But now that we both have an understanding of that, I a bit safer about experimenting with the couch. Like maybe trying it, but knowing that if I don't like it, there is something better to go back to.