How or Why Do We Choose Our T's? & How old are they?

I thought this might be an interesting topic to explore:

My T is about the same age as me althought I don't know for certain. The first time I met him was about 6 years ago (although my memory of this is very very hazy, I remember his office, but not much about him) when he was counseling my middle son (who had a dangerous date with alcohol as a teen). We had gotten his name from another trusted therapist who was working with another family member.

Sooooo round about September of this year i asked the "trusted therapist" for a name of someone who could help me. He was now counseling my oldest son whose breakdown and subsequent behavior was triggering my past trauma.

The therapist game me the name of T and I said, "Oh, I know him".....I remember when he worked with other son."

I called for an appointment and the rest is history. I didn't interview any other T's, I was in bad shape and needed immediate stabilization and support. It did take me quite a few sessions (months really) to trust him, but now I do. So much so that i am beginning to fight with him.



So how did you first find your T?

(1) The general ways I have been made aware of a therapist is through either:
first, the decision was made for me, when I was 16 and 17. I had no choice in who and one point they had me seeing 3 people at the same time

second, when i was older and was able to make my own choices, to some extent the therapists were found through either the insurance provider listing or referrals.

(2) when I wasn't really making decision on who I saw, there was only one that I was happy with but that was bascially the luck of the draw.

when I got to a place where I was old enough to decide I did or didn't like a therapist, it was basically made via some "undefinable" connection. that has only happened once and is with the my current therapist. when I talked to her on the phone to make the appointment, i wasn't impressed. but from day one when i sat face-to-face, i felt different and like an instant connection. hard to describe how you "know" this it the one to choose.

(3). I'm 33 and my therapist is, last time i checked, 56. But I don't know her birthday so she may be 57 now.

I didnt choose my therapist nor would I have had any ability to have, I was to "ill". I was forwarded to this T by a councillor from the treatment centre I was in after he could see the councillor the centre was providing, wasn't doing anything for me and got me the name of someone he said he respected Privately and professional. I think here in the Uk our system is different ot the states.

i got a referral from crisis services. i got to talking to the guy about how i was looking for a therapist and he gave me the number of a lady... she wasn't taking on any new clients but she gave me the number of a guy... he gave me the number of another guy... i called him up and he saw me at the clinic... and after some chatting he said he would see me in his private practice (which i was really keen to do).

in a way... i didn't choose him. but in another way i kind of did. i was working with a councellor before i met with him but after he agreed to see me i didn't go back to her again. made a decision, i guess. to be fair... if you lined up all the people i've ever seen... i'd choose him. so thats pretty cool.

i'm happy that he is a guy. i find it much harder to connect with females.

i'm happy that he is taller than me. this is quite bizzare, most properly, but for some reason it means a great deal (probably 'cause i've felt like an oversized elephant much of my life 'cause i'm tall and fairly solid / curvy).

i'm happy that he is kind / soothing and willing to engage with me on theoretical issues.

i don't know how old he is. i really have no idea. i'm fairly terrible with judging ages. i guess i was surprised when he told me that his wife was having a baby. figured he would be done with that already. but... i dunno. i guess he could be mid-late thirties. i have no idea, really. i guess it isn't so surprising. i can't imagine him with a trophy wife and / or homemaker. maybe my transference / projection but i don't see that (i'd be jolly disappointed if i ever met her and discovered some bubbly pretty side-kick). i guess i imagine shes a professional too (no idea what but for some reason i imagine not mental health related). but my transference / projection, of course. but the idea is... that professional people tend to have children later in life. it is possible that i think he is older than he really is... it is possible that they have 5 kids already (even though i'm thinking it is their first). i have no idea really... i wonder if google will tell me his birthday...

My first counselor: I was falling to pieces due to a crisis and called my Employee Assistance Plan and got the name of a counselor from them. I went to see her for about 20 sessions off and on over a period of 11 months. I knew nothing about therapy. We did not form a bond, but I didn't know you were supposed to. She was CBT and helped me with some concrete suggestions for coping and fighting the symptoms of depression. After a while, I realized she was not helping me move forward with my main problem, and I had pretty much exhausted her skill set, so we parted ways. I am grateful to her for providing support in a time of crisis. I also now appreciate her strong anti-meds stance. At the time, I wanted anti-depressants or anything that I hoped would anesthetize me against the pain and pull me up out of the depths. On her advice, I first tried med-free psychotherapy. After 6 months of this, with little gain, she then wanted me to go on meds. By this time, I was committed to regaining my health without drugs, so I declined her advice. Age: she was about my age, maybe a few years younger.

My current therapist: I didn't really plan to go see anyone else, and was floundering about wondering how to proceed. A family member, through a professional connection of hers, heard the name of my T as being able to help people take the first step toward moving forward with my particular problem. On a whim, I called him several weeks later. We met, and, as sister wrote, "the rest is history." After only 1 or 2 sessions, I remember telling someone, "he is saving my life." I still feel that way. Age: he is 5 years older than I am. I think back to our first session together and why I thought immediately that he could help me and that I should continue seeing him:
1) He immediately saw that my "stuckness" was due to experiences from my past, when growing up. This seemed so insightful to me, but as he said to me later, it's not rocket science. However, my former counselor had never connected any of my current problems to my past. She was not very insightful.
2) He gave me hope. In an existential way, this really helped with my depression. (First counselor had attacked depression symptoms, rather than depression itself.)
3) He said, "I am a healer," and this seemed so profound to me, like what I had been looking for all along, but hadn't even known it: someone who would help me heal.

My Ts have also been picked for me. One by my company commander when I was having a crisis. One by my pdoc and then my current T by my last T. I have never had to shop around for one. I did find my pdoc by a referral from a friend. My Ts are always women and tend to be older than me.

I am so lucky to have a great T and pdoc.

I found him on google. i liked his web site. he's 54, Im 40. It was three years ago. It was just luck. Or destiny. My husband was dying of cancer and I was having what my T now says was a "mini breakdown". He's really helping me find myself, switching careers and all. Im so lucky to have found him. Next to my kid he's the only person i can say I really trust. He's my T and my mentor and I think, my friend and the only person I have ever told everything. I would surely be hospitalized or otherwise incapacitiated if it werent for him.
I knew i wanted a male and someone who was down to earth. If I go in and they are sitting behing a big desk or have all their diplomas hanging around I leave. Cant handle that ego shrink "Im better than you" thing.
Hes so not like that. And he self discloses a little. Which makes me feel honored.
[url=http://www.GlitterMaker.com/][/url

I did an extensive search but it was really hard because none of them allowed free initial meetings. One turned me down via phone because I am bipolar. There were more women than men and I wanted a male. There was also an awful lot of T's that were much older than me. I wanted someone who was closer to my age so they could relate to my weirder points.

I generally searched using the psychologists association website because they allowed search criteria. I also wanted someone who was willing to work outside of just vanilla CBT. I made some calls and just picked one. Turned out well even though it took a few meetings to get a good feel for him.

he's mid forties maybe? not real sure, but 40's somewhere i think. I'm 36... and very un-36ish.

Ahhh another good topic.

Well, when I moved to Philly I had been out of therapy for about eight months... and knew I really needed to get back in it.... but I had just started a new job after not working for awhile, due to the move. I didn't have a lot of money, so I went online looking for someone who used a sliding scale. I found the psychoanalytic center, and was so excited because not only do the therapists accept sliding scale, but... it's psychoanalysis... perfect for me. So I called up and spoke with the receptionist... She asked if I had any specific requests as far as the therapist... I said, "Please, just make sure the therapist is a man!"

He is my 3rd therapist. I finally know what it means to have that connection. I think of finding a therapist as any relationship-- there will be some people you click with, some you dont, and then there will be one who you form an amazing connection with. You can't expect someone to help you just because he/she is a therapist-- the connection has to be there. Sometimes it takes awhile to find that person.

So I didn't choose my T specifically. I chose the place, but the T was assigned to me.

Everything happens for a reason. He was the one.

I know that my T is in his 50s. I just turned 26. This just feeds the erotic transference stuff because I have always been drawn to men older than myself. Sigh.

My first T, by word of 'mouth', I was in crisis with a violent husband and a brand new baby....
22 some years later, over the net.. sent out a "strange" e-mail to several in my area, 3 responded - one that would have taken me regardless of anything - he did therapy in 3 different cities - he just wanted people.
The other 2, we corresponded back and forth and I made a decision. The "strange" e-mail for me weeded out those that were not truely caring and those that were not in private practice. So end result, I got blessed and have a really primo therapist since Dec. (My previous therapists had been women and I refused to have a woman again). He does long term therapy....and is 50-60's hard for me to tell.

My previous psychologist I chose from the insurance company's list of covered providers. She was located close to me and 'specialized' in what I was going for. What she didn't say was that her treatment modality is hypnosis, kind of a philosphy of taking a short-cut directly to the unconscious, rather than talking and exploring and learning. Ditched her.

So then I contacted a psychoanalytic institute and asked if they had any analysts-in-training in my area who were taking clients. They only had one female (my preference) and we met a few times and I liked her.

My T was recommended by my group T after I was rattling around without a T for awhile, I guess getting on the group T's nerves :-) I was in a bad place and swore the first time I saw her (after an hour drive to get to her office in another state) that she'd be the last individual T I'd see, it would either "work" or else :-(

Early on, in one of our first sessions she jumped into one of my half-conscious ramblings and "appeared" inside of me, knives drawn, on the path I was going down by saying, "Stop that!" I was taken aback; literally, figuratively, everyively you can imagine and had to backtrack in my own mind and think for a moment to figure out what "that" was and then I was in absolute awe of her "powers" :-) and that she cared enough to "do" that and silently swore I'd commit everything in me to working as hard as I could with her. That awe and promise got me through the next 30 years and is still with me today.

My T was not from the US and I had some trouble with things in my background relative to her nationality but I liked her "age," 10+ years older than myself and that she was female helped me enormously I think with my particular problems.

When I was 16-17 I went to an agency for depression and they just gave me a social worker that I saw for only a few short months. I really liked her - though she was only like 27ish.

I originally was born/raised in IL, moved to OK to get away from abuse at the age of 20. About 9 months later my friend and I had realized that my depression was bad enough that I needed help. Since I get help through Vocational Rehab (VR) assistance they sent me to a center for an assessment. They refused to give me invividual therapy so I got angry and left. I call a (my current) therapist that my friend had talked highly of, made an appointment, and told VR that I'm seeing her - and they agreed. She's around 55.

I got my first counselor through my mom's EAP thing, and she was the only one who could see me fairly soon. My psychiatrist was also through the EAP (turns out it was a mistake though). I dropped my counselor after 3 or 4 visits, she seemed fairly forgetful (couldn't spell my name, asked me the same things over and over) and she seemed to put me down more than agree with the things I was saying. She kept saying "where are you going to get with a GED? you should go back to school. blah blah blah" Figures, she worked for the school district. I really like my psychiatrist though, he's nice and seems to understand and not be judgmental. I only see him once a month or so to discuss how the medication is working. I think he's probably in his 30's, he doesn't look old. He gave my mom the number of 2 other counselors, so we're going to call them and see how they work out.

I got this T from my last T he was the only one that would take me. The clinic I go to has a policy that you have to talk to your T if you want to switch and since the T I was seeing was moving (he was an intern and a sucky one at that) I told him it was time to find me a new one so he asked around and Steve told him he would take me on as a client. I have been with Steve for about 4 years now. I like him a lot and respect him. I'm 35 and he's 43.

Jbug

Hey, Itspeaks,

Long ago, back in the day, I got a GED because I was having such a hard time in high school. Not academically, emotionally.........never knew I needed help or was worthy of help or even heard of help....it was not a concept I knew about then.

NOW I am just about finished with my Masters degree & graduated college with honors & was even my graduation speaker.

So....keep doing what you need to to insofar as taking care of yourself is concerned. It is the most important thing right now. The rest will come and fall into place when you are ready. Keep trying, you will find a counelor whose style matches yours.

Peace.

Well I've only had one therapist. I was lucky in that I didn't have to search for one. One of my closest friends IRL is a psychologist. Funny, she and I had known each other for years and yet I was still taken aback when she asked me if I had ever considered therapy for myself (this when I was going through a particularly hard breakup). I'd just never thought of it at all -- I knew I really respected what she did, but it had never occurred to me that therapy would be useful for me. But then she said that if I ever wanted a therapist that she could pick one for me. I thought about it for a while and finally sent her a note saying I wanted to try it. I specified that my therapist would have to be male (I was much more comfortable with the idea of talking with a male). She asked me whether I wanted someone close to my age or older. I wasn't sure at all. I finally said I might have a slight preference for someone a little older but that I was more interested in just trying whoever she picked. The guy she picked is probably in his late 50s, maybe a little older (all I know for sure is that he isn't 65 yet because he once mentioned that he wasn't). I wasn't sure at all what to expect from therapy and knew nothing about forming a bond, etc. And yet he was perfect for me from the first day. I knew (and have always known) that he was exactly the right therapist. Guess my friend knows what she's talking about....

Sidony

I opened the phone book to mental health and therapists and then called places until I found one that said they were taking new clients and I set up an appointment and went in. after I did intake I was assigned a therapist based on my having DID and which therapist did not have a full caseload.