How long of a silence in session before your T...

She used to ask me a question like what I'm thinking. She didn't let the silence go on for to long. But she want me to talk more in therapy and she wants me to ''take the lead''. A few sessions ago there was a very long silence. She wanted me to start talking about something and when I asked if I don't say anything all session, will you stay silent the whole session and she said yes. I so don't like that. I get why she does this, but ugh!
And today there fell a silence and I got nervous, looked at her and she said that she waited until I say something. I said that I couldn't think about something to say, but she said that I should think of something, anything. This makes me so nervous. And this will occur more often. When there will be a silence she probably won't end it, but will wait until I say something. It's going to be really hard for me.

And what I dislike so much is that she would just stare at me. Pdoc does that too. I think most T's do that. They just stare at you, make you very uncomfortable until you can't take it anymore and will say something. Or walk away. I get why they keep looking at me, if they would look in an other direction it can seem like they aren't interested in me. But still I so don't like it. It makes me so nervous that I can't think of anything to say.

Ugh, this is something that will forever irritate me about therapy. I'm a thinker. I think/write better than I speak. So therapy is like pulling teeth for me sometimes because of course it never goes like I try to plan out beforehand. Some days the conversation flows smoothly, but it's not the norm for sure. My T is pretty good at coming up with something to talk about when I'm silent, but a lot of the time he just stares at me and waits. If it's obvious I'm thinking, he'll ask what I'm thinking about, but I usually just flounder with my thoughts. And the worst: "I'm asking you to explore [insert issue or emotion here]" when I say I don't know. I don't explore things on the spot. My mind literally goes blank and there's MORE awkward silence. Or there's times like this past week when I'm so angsty I'm just wrapped up in my thoughts and kinda forget I'm in a therapy session. Pretty sure that was frustrating for him...He kept trying to get me to talk before he just started spouting random small talk questions. Just let me angst, man.

There is sometimes a lot of silence in my sessions. the silence I hate the most is when I am feeling awkward and unsure of what to talk about which usually happens at the start of the session.

I often crave, deeply crave, that my T would just start with some small talk or a question to help settle me in. Her questions sometimes do really plug me in and help me engage deeper but I find it incredibly hard to do that for myself. When I am silent, I just look around the room and stare, sometimes I look at her. If I look at her she often asks me a question. I don't know how much time passes, but I'm sure we've had some 3-4 minute silences before she asks something.

Sometimes after only a minute or so she'll ask what are you thinking. I'm always thinking a million things so have to pick which one to say, I try and do this honestly, but I can't always. I'm not uncomfortable with silence, but I do feel pressured by it sometimes. Other times I feel safe in it, like I can rest in it. Or I can take a moment to think.

Like several other people in this thread, I experience the silences very differently at different times. I know that my T's main principle is to allow me space to think and formulate my thoughts and so he is silent a lot of the time. I've never really experienced that with anybody else, and - I know I've said this before on these boards but it merits repetition - for me it is an incredible and wonderful thing that somebody is sufficiently interested in what I have to say that they are prepared to wait for ten minutes without any sign of impatience. Of course this is part of T's professional role but I have had two previous therapists and did not get this from either one of them, and it's one reason why this T is so much better for me. When previous Ts said "tell me what you are thinking" or similar, it felt like they were criticising me for wasting their time. After all, I'm seeing the therapist in order to talk about what I am thinking, so that question is always on the table. For them to verbalise it isn't helpful for me - they aren't asking because they are genuinely interested after all, so it has to be because they don't like my silence and are not considerate enough to let me phrase my thoughts. It's asking me to work by their time table, not my own, the way it feels to me. (As always this is my personal interpretation based on who I am.)

But as I say, it's different at different times, and it can be excruciating sometimes. Never because of anything my T does or says though. I never experience him as anything other than patient and present. He doesn't stare at me all the time either - that would be uncomfortable for me, I think. To connect to what Bayblue wrote above, my T is great at creating the safe thinking space.

i need time to collect my thoughts and give a really honest answer...so silence is very important to me...to have my space to sort thru feelings...without being rushed.

problem is ..when i am thinking..i glance at T , to catch his reaction and he is usually looking at me...and i am like ohh think quick...answer already...and i come under pressure to say something..if T is not looking at me..and looking at his notes ..i think i will take my time to answer..

Anywhere from Zero seconds( I'm on a rampage before I even set my butt down on the couch) or the entire 50 minute session.

It's my dime, I may spend it however I please.

Probably a minute at the most