Just need to put this out there

I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of trying to be present to the pain and to heal. I'm tired of the questions and confusion and doubts. I just want to go back to repressing it all, numb out and get on with my life.

I understand where you are, Bayblue. I'm struggling with the same issue(s), but I'm not sure that being bottled up is the best life. Of course, you're the only one who can answer that question. I'm pulling for you not to give up (as I sit for days with tears in my eyes and wondering why I ever chose to see a T so I can feel this way!). Oddly, I know my T cares and for now, that's going to have to be enough reason for me to keep hurting.

Me too x

Oh, it's all that stuff that makes a life worth living.

About 3-4 weeks ago I was in the same place. But I've found I can no longer repress it all and numb myself. I know this way is more painful, but it's also making me feel more alive.

I felt the exact same way and do many times. A few weeks I'm ok going through it and other times (like right now) I think why? I was "fine" before therapy. I'm highly functioning and have a good job. Is it that wrong to suppress some things?

Right now I'm in therapy to get over my ex-T. How ridiculous. I'm hoping after I process the loss of her and my mom, I'll be back on my own and have no need or desire for therapy. It opened a big can of worms that I wasn't prepared to deal with.

I have found that trying to numb my pain it only suppresses it. If I actually deal with it and let myself feel it, its much easier to manage. I hope things get better for you.

Hi all - thankyou so much for the solidarity, understanding and connection. It means the world, you are all such a lifeline in this process, particularly on my bleakest days.

In the last two days I've done what I can to push back against the sense of defeat. It hasn't really budged, but I have reached out to a friend, way more than I normally would to try and talk about things, I've put my body in the ocean and I've been for a couple of walks. I'm rehearsing what I'll say to my T about how I am not coping.

Sometime we really do need to take breaks from the healing work. it's ok. be gentle with yourself. I have felt like quitting many times and am always glad I stayed with it. for me the urge to quit comes from a self sabotaging place. usually on the brink of something big.