Transference in the Chair

This is a good thread!

I don't know what car my therapist drives. I'll bet it is a high end car though. I can tell by how his office is decorated that he has taste.

Pink why the heck were you both so far apart? The visual of that is kind of funny although I have no idea what you both look like. I have this vision of whispering between the two of you...giggle

My therapist drives a purple minivan with a large dent on the driver's side rear quarter panel. I haven't peaked inside, either; somehow it seems like an invasion of privacy, since I haven't known my T as long as many of you.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:
. I got hung up on the fantasy when I couldn't figure out how the seatbelt would be attached. Then I wouldn't be safe again.



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Do you ever feel like you need a seatbelt in the room?

I think we need to rename this thread, "Transference in the Car"

I didn't see anything inside Ts car, because I was too afraid to look, yes very
"stalkerish," as Lemon said......

So, here's another thing I look for when I arrive. Facing the elevators when I get off are the restrooms. I always expect T to be walking out of the potty when I get off the elevator. When I get to the waiting room, I often need a bathroom break (nervous habit) before I go in, so I grab the key from the hook in the waiting room. Now, if his door is closed, I know he is in there with a client, but if his door is opened, he could be in there or in the bathroom. It's a big dilemma, I feel ridiculous saying I have to go to the bathroom first so I just run out again before he has a chance to come out of his office and tell me to come in, because once he sees me the session has begun!

LOL about the bathroom. I would hate to get caught needing to "go" and have to sit through the whole session with a cramped bladder.

Part edited out

Yeah, too much information.....I would not want to know that.

I hope she doesn't read here... maybe I should go back and erase that... lol.

I used to worry about that but now I realize that T has a very busy life.......no time for on-line stuff, methinks.

Interesting thread, imo. I think many ppl reading are associating with the content, but too ashamed or embarrassed to post... or they don't need to because you are covering it really well

I know all about my T's car, but because I do I guess it isn't a big deal now? I doubt he keeps anything in sight, as car theft is huge down here, and breakins a close second You just don't leave anything in view if you're smart.
I have often put the session "off" a few minutes while I went to the restroom. It's MY session, I'll do what I want/need to with the time
Isn't is funny how most Ts have leather chairs, and are very owning of them, yet they seem to understand our need for them (them and the chair I guess?)
It's usual to feel that you need to be closer during some sessions... and that sometimes the gulf between you is way too big to close.

I think the idea of finding safety in the T's chair is a wonderful image! Getting a pic of the actual chair, or one from a magazine or such is also a good way to help you feel safe. I hope others do this, or think of something similar to do to help them feel safe when away from the T's office. Yes, it's good to have a safe place.

Yes, I agree I would never look inside of his car. I would definitely see it as an invasion of privacy. It's funny where each of us draw the line, isn't it?

The first thing I do when I arrive, usually 5 minutes early, is go to T's waiting room and get the key to the restroom. Then I go do that, and come back right on time. The door to his office is always closed whether he has a client or not. He always runs late, so I either look at one of his books in the waiting room (some great stuff!) or take a snooze. He can tell when the next client arrives in his waiting room by the sound of the door opening and closing (he's told me this before, and told me not to be too quiet so he knows I'm there). So when I first arrive to get the key to the restroom, I open and close the door to the waiting room very softly so he won't know I'm there. Then when I return from the restroom, I am much noisier, to announce, "hey, I'm here now." I like the keychain for the restroom. It's very welcoming.

All these little rituals are weird, but part of the experience.

My T does not have a leather chair. There are two couches and he either sits on one of them across from the client, or he sits in what I call his "therapy chair", which is a swivel chair on wheels. This lets him go where he needs to go in the room, right up near the client(s) wherever they may be. He is a family therapist so often has different family groupings in his office for therapy and who knows where they would choose to sit, so he has to be flexible/mobile. I like when he wheels his swivel chair right up practically into my face and looks at me intently.

Secret said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Do you ever feel like you need a seatbelt in the room?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Oh my, yes indeedy. Hmmmmm, maybe time for a new invention...brown leather chairs with seatbelts........I would really feel safe, but what if I wanted to bolt and get the old drink of water that I need to avoid a question? (Speaking of resistance....)

Sunrise said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I like the keychain for the restroom.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

My T has pink for girls and blue for boys ............LOL I wonder if this is him or the building management?

Yes, the session starts long before we walk in the room, doesn't it?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SecretGarden said:
And Pink... I got to tell ya... I do not imagine you as being the quiet type-....

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hahahahahaha... Well, I have never been known to hold back.... but... I do it in a very soft voice, lol.

You know, I could have just moved my chair forward. But that's how weird I am about boundaries. I tend to think that if I moved my chair up a couple of inches he would perceive it as me basically attacking him, lol. Also, it's like a big armchair thing. What if I couldn't just pull it foward? Would I have to get behind it and push, in the middle of the session? Would if I started to push it and it didn't go anywhere? What if it tipped over? Hahahaha.... I have therapy today at 7PM... yes, on a Saturday. I am hoping that at this weird time, no one will be there, and we will get to have one of the regular rooms in which the chairs are not 182 feet away from each other. I am going to bring a big cone made out of cardboard, to yell through, just in case.

You are a chuckle Pink. I think that this could be humerous. Take that megaphone..lol. Now... another option that would fit in your girlie purse would be a tape measurer...Like one of those silver things and you and the T could make a discussion of it. Could take that OCD thing (yes we are all to a degree) to a new level. I think you could agree to a maximum or minumum distance between chairs. If need be you can tell him that you and your friends have discussed it.

How nice to have T on a Saturday night. I could use a cozy visit this evening....though mine does not do cozy... he does comfort in his own way. Have a good session. :-)

I really attach safety to the couch I sit/lay on in her office. I, too, often imagine sleeping there to feel safe for the night. Her office is really the only place I feel like I don't have hide anything, and that I feel truly protected in. I also am very attached to a certain squishy pillow she has in her office. Myself (and littles within me) have commented how one day we're going to walk out of here with it - she said to go ahead! I didn't have the courage to, though.

I'm also very attached to an item she gave me, which I connect to healing. Around Easter, she gave me a small waterglobe, after I had told her that I used to collect them until one of my abusers smashed them into pieces. The present was very kind, and now I look towards it in hard times to remember her, her office, and that one day I will heal. I wish I could have something small enough (like a key?) that I could always have on me, and don't fear would break!

I don't wonder about my T's car, I've been in it! I had transportation issues for a long time and she would pick me up at my home, take me to session, and drop me off at college. Having a disability really messed with my ability to get transportation in a small town, so I am so thankful she was willing to take the time to come get me.

I tend to park 1 down from her car. Parking next to it makes me nervous. One space between feels safer! Weird, I know.

My T's car.... I imagine he drives something sensible. Like a Hyundai. Oh wait a second.... that's what I drive! How very coincidental of me to imagine that he and I drive the same car! lol. Still working on that separation-individuation thing.

I have no idea what he drives. Like I mentioned, I am in the city, so there is no parking or anything for therapy. There's a million garages and lots all over the place. Once time I parked in one of the garages, and then when I was heading home, I saw him walking into one of the nearby lots. So I know he drives. But unless I stalked out all of the surrounding lots and garages, I'd have a pretty difficult time figuring out which car is his.

Stormy said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
One space between feels safer! Weird, I know.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Not weird at all. In fact, in makes perfect sense. It probably represents the safe distance between chairs! I love that your T gave you the globe. That is so lovely and shows how much she cares for you and your littles.

Pinksoil said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What if I couldn't just pull it foward? Would I have to get behind it and push, in the middle of the session? Would if I started to push it and it didn't go anywhere? What if it tipped over

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I swear Pinksoil, you are hilarious. LMAO Out Loud while reading this.....I imagined myself doing the same thing in my Ts office and of course, he would be just sitting there watching me, saying nothing. And then, if I tried to fix the chair he would say, "I see you feel you make a mess and then you have to fix it."

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:

Not weird at all. In fact, in makes perfect sense. It probably represents the safe distance between chairs! I love that your T gave you the globe. That is so lovely and shows how much she cares for you and your littles.



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hmm... Could be. Though I think it's more if something were to happen (it gets a scratch) it cannot be blamed on me!! LOL I always fear getting blamed for something I didn't do, and that way no one can look to me to blame because I wasn't close enough!!

My T is a sweetheart, she cares for us a lot. I'm sooo thankful for her.

<font color="green">My last session was rough and I spent most of it trying to shove myself further away from my therapist. She has this couch that I sit on and she uses an office type chair on wheels so she can be as mobile as needful. Anyway, at the of the session as we were reaffirming that we still like each other and we are ready to face the world out there, I laughed that I felt like I shoved her couch into the wall. She chuckled and said,"That's why it is always against the wall." I had to stop and think about that for a second as she does rearrange the room every so often but that was true the couches in there are usually against the walls. lol </font>

((Dalila))

I'm sorry you had such a difficult session. But it's nice that you were able to end it on a lighter note, and leave without being angry. I think that my T tries to make that happen lately. If I am not feeling so good at the end of the session, he asks me to reflect on how it could have gone better for me.

That's so funny, that you felt like you shoved the couch. Another furniture mover! I wonder what our T's office would look like if we could rearrange the furniture? Hmmmmm, I smell another thread bubbling.

Take gentle care.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:
Pinksoil said:

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What if I couldn't just pull it foward? Would I have to get behind it and push, in the middle of the session? Would if I started to push it and it didn't go anywhere? What if it tipped over

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I swear Pinksoil, you are hilarious. LMAO Out Loud while reading this.....I imagined myself doing the same thing in my Ts office and of course, he would be just sitting there watching me, saying nothing. And then, if I tried to fix the chair he would say, "I see you feel you make a mess and then you have to fix it."



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

YES!! Exactly! He would just sit there and watch! Well, in my session yesterday we were back in the room that we have most often been in. The chairs were at a normal distance away from each other. But apparently the chair that I sit in had been changed, so I told him that I hated it because it was too country/southern living for my taste. Then I added, "I mean, it's not like you picked it out." And it looks at me with this smile and goes, "How do you know?" I am confident that he didn't because the therapists don't decorate the offices there.

Too funny about the cars! (Sorry I am catching up here).

I arrive at my T's office before her. She comes in only for me and I get there early by bus. Sometimes I take a walk and still arrive before her. The offices are in a one-story structure. She enters through the front door which has narrow windows on either side and walks through the waiting room. At first it was awkward to see her there first, but now isn't. Anyway, I've always tried to be aware of when she might get there and if I could see what car she drives. I didn't even know if she parked in front or in back. This last session on Friday I did notice a glimpse of the color (I thought it was a red car but it isn't) although I didn't get a look at it afterward because I forgot til I read this thread.!!

Would I look inside. Oh yeah! LOL. She looks inside of me, I'm gonna look!!! Just hope to not see discarded whiskey bottles rolling around on the floor with burger wrappers! Ha!

T has her office chair on wheels, 2 office chairs, and a couch. I used an office chair the first and second visit then moved to the couch. BUT she has a little pillow that has an analyst, maybe Freud, and "Tell me about your childhood" embroidered on it. It used to be just anywhere on the couch and once it was at the end where I had been sitting and I moved it to the other end before I sat down. Then next time it was right there again, so I sat at the other end. Then next time it was at that end so I went back to sit at the opposite end where I'd started. Last Friday it was in the middle, so I had to either move it further out of my way or sit close to it no matter which end of the couch I chose to sit on. grrrr! lol. I dislike the pillow because it seems mocking to me, as if it mocks the whole analytical philosophy. So I'll keep playing 'stay away' but have been wondering if it's been noticable or really obvious even. I would be embarassed if she knew I avoid it and was placing it here and there to see what I'd do....she woulnd't do that . .would she?..

Anyway, you all here are great and this was <font color="brown"> another great thread!!!</font>

Oh Echoes... lol...This was a great post. I loved your response about she looks inside you so you would look too. :-) Glad to have you on my team as of course I think I would too. Also I love the idea of avoiding the pillow... Eventually you may need to fess up. :-)

Re: Echoes, Secret

Yes, I bet a car's inside could tell a lot! HAHA If he looked in my car instead of my head, he would see...a yoga mat in the back seat, various and sundry items belonging to my kids (sweatshirts, phone chargers, pens pencils, hair brush, papers, magazines, text books (mine and theirs); loose change, ipod adaptor for radio; burger king bags, cups, wrappers, latte cups, travel mugs, drive thru banking envelopes, school notes, sticky notes, and who knows what else. Hmmmm, somehow none of that bothers me. I'd rather he looked there than in my head sometimes!

My T's couch has a pillow too. It's always in the middle. One week he tossed it to me to throw because I was angry. It was a really whimpy throw...now whenever I see the pillow it reminds me of the whimpy throw....arghhhh

I play with the squishy pillow a lot, as do my littles. We hug it, slam it on our lap out of anger, 'brush it down' with our fingers, poke the corners into the pillow, flip it in the air, and so on. I suppose it shows my mood.
Hug = insecurity
Slam = anger
Brush = dissociative
Poke corners = trying to avoid focus
Flip in the air = nervousness