Therapy Connection

I think its hard to be so attached to your therapist and only see them in small doses but I don't think its a trap. If its a good T like mine its not a trap. Its just painful.

I suppose I don't understand. I have a really great therapist; she makes me feel safe and understood, yet when I leave the office any feeling of friendlyness or sense of a relationship stays behind. Maybe though that is because we talk about what ~I~ am going to do to work on my health. It has never been '~we~ will work on such and such'. My independence has always been stressed. She is very nice and I like her a lot, it's just never occured to me that there could exist any closeness.

I absolutely feel this way.
Sometimes she lets me borrow a knickknack from her office.
I reread her emails and/or listen to her voice mails.
If things are really tough or if I'm extra anxious when I go to sleep, I pretend (visualize) I am going to sleep on her couch...and that she is near. I've told her about this and she thinks it's a great idea.

I haven't asked her if we can record sessions yet. I have an app on my iPad that I could use but I'm not sure if our voices would be loud enough to record properly. I may ask her if we can try it.

She lets me call and email but I am giving her some space around our Thanksgiving holiday. If something terrible would happen- I would phone or email her as she is taking her own call.

Yes, I definitely miss the safety of her presence.

You should ask if you can record sessions. I use an app on my android phone. Recording my sessions has been one of the number one things that has helped me. Now I can listen to her talk to me or laugh whenever I want without bothering her.

Connection is a weird thing. Sometimes I feel like me and T are connected and other times I feel like we are miles apart. I read several of the responses to this post. I find myself wishing that my therapist would give me a little keepsake , I never wished for her to give me anything in the past but after thinking about it I know it would mean a lot. In the same breath I feel defensive and closed off from my therapist. Some of you saw my recent post ( I was dismissed ). At this very moment I don't feel connected to her. I feel let down , angry, hurt. I am questioning this lengthy process , have I been naive? Does this person even like me? How can I go from feeling deeply connected to her to wondering if she even likes me? Whenever I have asked her in the past she has told me to think about us and feel it, then I would know ... all of that is out the window right now . Sorry, didn't mean to hijack this thread.

I'm like this too: feeling connected one moment, then doubting if she ever cared. I think it's pert of insecure attachment.

Right , more than likely. I still feel like my therapist blew it by what she said last session but yes, I definitely have attachment issues, always have. I tend to push people away or I just don't keep in touch with them. Three years I've been in therapy, shouldn't I feel more secure by now?

My honest view is that years of insecure attachment stemming from childhood probably can take a really long time to resolve.

I've only been one year into therapy, though. Then other than a secure attachment with T (already difficult as we experience connection and disconnection with T), there's also attachments with various other people in our lives.

I don't keep in touch with people too - I push them away without realising or I keep my distance, or I get clingy and they run.

Hence, offline, I'm super isolated without any friends.

Honestly, I think it will take a lot of consistent , real world "corrective emotional experiences" with various people to be able to develop "earned secure attachment".

Just my opinion though.

Well thank you for your opinion , I appreciate it😀 Yes, it's quite tiring... One minute I feel like we have a great connection then the next, not so much. It wears me down! Sometimes I think that my therapist is messing with me to provoke me a bit. Then I say to myself " oh that's ridiculous , one step". Yes, very tiring!! Thanks again 😊