[WanderingBark]

During my sessions, T is very cautious about giving me advice or voicing his personal opinion. He'll always help me explore whatever it is I'm trying to work through, but it's more of a guided walk through my emotions/thought process than flat out telling me what's going on. There have been a few instances recently when T has paused and said something to effect of, "I want to give you advice and I'm trying to figure out where this is coming from/why I feel compelled to give you advice". I told him that I would be more than happy to listen to his advice and that I wanted him to give me his outlook, but then he never does.

Well...today he gave me his advice...but I think he did it because he felt annoyed/frustrated with me. I didn't ask him for advice this time, he just launched into this monologue of how I don't separate my feelings from my interactions with people (I'm trying to avoid giving too much detail so sorry if this doesn't make sense) and that I deserve to be treated better by people in my life. At first, it felt like he was annoyed/frustrated that I was repeating a potentially harmful pattern but then it almost felt like he was angry at the people who treated me poorly. I can't figure out if he's frustrated with me or cares enough about me that he doesn't want me hurting...or what. I'm afraid that I'm annoying him....

Have you ever annoyed your T? How did he or she handle it? Any advice or comments are welcomed.

Yes. She had become annoyed at me sighing all the time - I used to do that a lot - but had never said anything until this one phone session when she said "Let's just jump right in so you don't just sit there sighing." I was a bit taken aback, as she usually has the patience of a saint (literally!) but I was (eventually) glad that she had said it. I didn't consciously realize that I was sighing as much as I was. I was using it as a way to avoid feeling and until that day, hadn't realized it!

(Initially when she said it though, I wasn't glad, I wanted to go Stopdog on her and say "Look woman, I'm paying for this time, if I want to sit here and sigh for the whole 25 minutes I will!")

I'm sure I annoy the heck out of him sometimes, but he has never admitted that he was annoyed. I think T's are supposed to be patient and remain calm no matter how annoyed they may be with us.

[doyoutrustme]

I sure hope so, I know I try.

No he's awesome at unconditional positive regard.
I wonder if your T is annoyed with you, or whether he's frustrated at himself for not being able to overcome this desire to advise you?

[WanderingBark]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

No he's awesome at unconditional positive regard.
I wonder if your T is annoyed with you, or whether he's frustrated at himself for not being able to overcome this desire to advise you?

He immediately realized he had done exactly what he was trying not to do and became very self-reflective after that; so I'm leaning towards more annoyed and having reacted in the moment than frustrated by the fact that he wants to advise me, unfortunately

Yes, it has happened - never on any major scale that I have noticed, but a very few times in the years I've seen him he's reacted with mild frustration. For me it has been very helpful to realise that somebody can be frustrated with me and still not reject me utterly. I can be a bit annoying but that doesn't necessarily make somebody hate me or want to avoid me. And if T is frustrated with me it's to do with my actions or words, not my person, and the frustration is not going to last. I also trust him not to allow it to impact on his professionalism.

Oh, I am certain I have annoyed the heck out of each of my therapists at one time or another. I don't particularly worry about it. I don't find being annoyed or annoying any major "sin." Just part and parcel of the dynamics of relationships.

[nottrustin]

I don't know if annoyed is the proper word. I know I can be frustrating though. We have discussed that she often finds people who have certain educational backgrounds tend to explain their way through things. They convince themselves and even her of things that aren't necessarily accurate so it is harder for her.

She recently mentioned when something negative happens to me I tend to go down a negative path where that becomes my focus. It is hard for her to get me to see anything else...So I am sure it is frustrating. At first I was upset with her for saying it. Then I realized ssh had a point. So I an really working on it.

[ilikecats]

I don't know if I've ever annoyed her, but I don't think she'd tell me if I did. Even if I directly asked her if she thinks I'm annoying, I think she would say no regardless of whether or not I'm annoying. I hope I'm not, although it is something that I worry about a lot.

[ChavInAHat]

Yeah, mine gets annoyed because I can't take her compliments if I don't feel they are warranted. As I get annoyed at her for giving compliments I don't deserve, I feel awkward with deserved praise but don't tell me I'm wonderful just for doing what any mum should do just because my kiddo is autistic. I'm not a saint, I'm a good parent, but the sun doesn't shine out of my backside.

She also said last week she rarely advices people but she strongly urged and advised me cancel the visit of someone who was triggering severe anxiety in me. I could see her getting worked up because this person means a lot to my kid and my father who missed out on the visit because I did take her advice and cancelled. And she was right I instantly felt massive relief from most of the anxiety symptoms (so much for the MH nurse trying to get me on anti depressants- stupid woman- but that is another story) -my T agreed with my decision to say no to meds because I'm or depressed just struggling massively with PTSD and anxiety.


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[Serzen]

I have missed some appointments with him and he surely was pissed off, but he has A LOT of patience and knows how to say things in order to communicate how he felt without sounding agressive.
That way I can take what he says and he makes me think at the same time.

I asked him how he managed to be so patient, because he has many patients, and he just said "well, it's the years". He's really admirable.

[stopdog]

I can't imagine why the woman would bother. But if I have done so, it doesn't bother me.

[Favorite Jeans]

If I have annoyed her she's managed to keep it to herself. I feel like at times she's become anxious in response to something I've said. But not outright annoyed.

[WanderingBark]

I wonder how many T's would honestly answer the question, "Am I annoying you?"

[WanderingBark]

Originally Posted by ChavInAHat

Yeah, mine gets annoyed because I can't take her compliments if I don't feel they are warranted. As I get annoyed at her for giving compliments I don't deserve, I feel awkward with deserved praise but don't tell me I'm wonderful just for doing what any mum should do just because my kiddo is autistic. I'm not a saint, I'm a good parent, but the sun doesn't shine out of my backside.

She also said last week she rarely advices people but she strongly urged and advised me cancel the visit of someone who was triggering severe anxiety in me. I could see her getting worked up because this person means a lot to my kid and my father who missed out on the visit because I did take her advice and cancelled. And she was right I instantly felt massive relief from most of the anxiety symptoms (so much for the MH nurse trying to get me on anti depressants- stupid woman- but that is another story) -my T agreed with my decision to say no to meds because I'm or depressed just struggling massively with PTSD and anxiety.


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You sound like a very strong woman. Isn't it wonderful when T validates/confirms our intuitions about ourselves/situations we find ourselves in? Mine rarely does, but it's the best when he does.

Yes, my ex T has told me.

I intellectualize a lot, so I talk quickly and ramble when I'm anxious, so she felt annoyed she couldn't stop me.

[sjkero]

I've said to my T time and time again, "I know I frustrate you, I'm sorry" - (mostly in email ) She usually brushes it off or says to stop apologizing, but recently she responded with "we all have feelings, and the important thing is we work through them." aka she's frustrated. Ding ding. Message received.

[JaneTennison1]

I have and it felt very useful. I was very concerned with behaving "perfectly" and so not doing anything that could get me rejected. Once I annoyed her I felt as though the worst had been done and we were still ok. It was very freeing.

[junkDNA]

ive prob annoyed my T a thousand times over but he's only admitted that he was 'a little annoyed' once

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by sjkero

I've said to my T time and time again, "I know I frustrate you, I'm sorry" - (mostly in email ) She usually brushes it off or says to stop apologizing, but recently she responded with "we all have feelings, and the important thing is we work through them." aka she's frustrated. Ding ding. Message received.

I think what she's saying is that it's really no big deal if she occasionally feels frustrated. The message for you to receive is "don't be so self-effacing," not "stop annoying me." What do you imagine would be the consequence of her feeling frustrated?

[Salmon77]

Not sure. Sometimes I do or say something and he says we'll have to "work on that" which I interpret as meaning I am annoying and need to not say or do whatever it was.

[Permacultural]

I get annoyed at patients that spend 55 minutes talking about how they found a fun channel to watch on tv, then drop a major bombshell like, "and then I told my boss to go F himself before I left work to come to therapy today..wait, how come you can't cancel your next patient and give me another 30 minutes? I have to deal with my boss tomorrow!"

[stopdog]

I get annoyed at therapists who can't seem to help clients talk about what might be important.

[atisketatasket]

Probably, but nowhere near as much (or as visibly) as they have annoyed me.

I would imagine their training instructs them to show annoyance as little as possible.