Couch 104 - The Couch Without A Catchy Title

I'm hurting so much - mentally - that I almost can't move, physically. I'm starting to wonder if I'll actually get through Christmas.

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Also, I nibble my cats' ears sometimes. And their bellies.

Also also, I want this T-shirt.

I'm sorry I'm not around more and that I'm not more supportive.

I should not have posted this. It wasn't aimed at you at all (and your thread did not upset me, just some of the later replies in it), but I should have thought before posting.

The kitten is currently rolling around on the floor torturing an ornament she pulled off the christmas tree. It is a little panda bear looking thing made out of tiny pompoms that were hot-glued together. (I decorated with all non-breakable ornaments this year, of course. And the bottom third of the tree is empty of ornaments, so I assume she was tree-climbing to remove it)

My dream-maker has been on overdrive the last few nights. Last night in my dream I'm joining some kind of club or something called "Sisters of the Moon" and each of us carry flags around, I'm just carrying an empty pole because I am still making my flag, we meet in this building that has these great marble obelisks or something in the lobby, and each of the obelisks is topped with a moonstone.

Well I just noticed it's time for me to head out to work! have a good day/ night couchies!

I wonder whether we'll risk having a Christmas tree this year... probably not, but it would be nice to have one again sometime. The cats are four years old now so they are less flighty than they have been, but since they don't go out much at this time of year they do run around quite a lot in the house.

We had a nice clear day, with about five hours of proper sunlight today (plus a few hours of dawn and dusk) - it's pitch black now, at 3.30pm. I guess it's not so strange that people get depressed in this stupid country.

Sigh ... Why does do much self help and peer support talk about forgiveness as a must?

Right now I can't even express anger at my hurts because I feel I'm horrible for finding the idea of forgiving awful.

(((QM)))

I honestly think self help and support groups can be pretty damaging. I'm sure they can be helpful as well, at least in some cases, but anybody who talks about any kind of "must" (when it comes to how other people react or feel) is simply too inflexible to be helpful.

We don't put up a tree -between the puppy and the cat and my lack of caring about one - it is not in the cards.

The sequels of Pixar films have been decent thus far. I think the weakest was Cars. That being said, Disney understands children far better than Pixar (which is now owned by Disney). Children love to see their favorite characters over and over again. This was an interesting article where critics ranked Pixar films and then the authors of the article decided to chat with some kids

Cars 2 was rated by kids as better than the original Cars and I would have flipped that around as a grown up.

Hi, Mast. Think about you often, it's okay if you can't be more supportive to others sometimes we just need support.

That's also a cute T-shirt

I think of forgiveness as a destination - not something that can be forced. I like to focus more on just not getting stuck in anger which then turns into bitterness. But talking about forgiveness at that point is like putting salt in the wound.

People often want to push things quickly. Resolve the issue. But so much requires time. Pushing for closure before one is ready is... invalidating.

I'm sorry

Hey mast - happy late saint lucia yesterday.

I'm sorry you are in a hurtful place.

I notice when people around me tell me I should forgive...it really means they are tired of hearing me talk about it. Actually, they lose me when they use the parent statement, "You should forgive.."

I don't feel it's horrible not to forgive. There is one person I have not forgiven. I don't see myself ever forgiving him. I am not opposed to forgiveness if, one day, I magically feel forgiveness toward him...but I doubt that day will ever come.

It's easier to forgive if forgiveness has been sought by the offender(s). Less easy to forgive in a vacuum.

I ain't not never going to forgive.

On a lighter note, mince pies! Hurrah!

I like mince pies. But alas, around my house I am alone in such.

That's not a good thing?

The more I read the more I want to invite myself round for Christmas. Love mince pies and hate the work of Christmas Trees

I am a bit of a holiday bust. I am not into decorating (never understood the point of putting stuff out for a holiday just to have to pack it all back up again in a very short period of time) - I am not all that visual of a person and mostly I don't notice decorations in other people's houses or offices or wherever. I am also not a baker so I don't make mince pies myself - but I would very much like it if someone was a baker and gave me a mince pie.

Stop talking about food.... lol I'm snowed in, hungry and no way out until the plow comes through

I think I'm going to continue waking up at 5 in order to do some homework. Because I really can't concentrate right now. And I feel so bad. I really wanted to take a sleeping pill and go to bed ridiculously early in hopes of feeling better when I wake, but I did that yesterday and I don't want to turn it into something I do daily.

Stopdog, I agree. We don't do much decorating either. We did Christmas trees until we realized 1) dad doesn't care, 2) mum mostly hates vacuuming the needles, 3) I don't really care and 4) sister doesn't really care. So we haven't had a tree lately (read.. the last 10 years or so).
My mum usually puts a vase with balls or lights on the breakfast bar, though. To create a little holiday spirit.

Debating cancelling T tomorrow. Feel like I need to do some more writing before I go in and there's not enough time before work tonight and I see her tomorrow morning at 10am. It's all about x-pdoc and I feel stupid for even thinking about him anymore! Granted it's rare butit theows me way off when it happens.

Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting or giving the person another chance. It's more about letting go and it's not really about the other party, it's about you. Carrying all that anger around hidden inside is not good for you. Or for those around you for that matter. The only way to forgive is to talk about it. Otherwise you are just forgetting, or attempting to forget, and that's not good for anyone.

The stbx is angry at me because he says I won't forgive him. What is actually happening is that I refuse to forget and give him another chance. Forgiveness is not possible either, because he can't or won't let go and the situation is such that I can't cut him out of my life altogether. He continues with the behavior that led is to where we are.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm learning that forgiveness is about letting the past go, not being bothered by it yourself. It is not for anyone else but you. It's okay to be angry. That is your anger, and it is part of the journey to the peace that is forgiveness.

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Thank you!

Thanks! My choir did the procession thing in the cathedral on Saturday, together with the girls' choirs: two concerts, both of them sold out - 3000 tickets sold all in all.