therapist's fancy holidays

Yesterday, my therapist ended the session by mentioning that she would take the last two weeks of December as holidays and that she would be unreachable
during that time ("geographically" she said).
Ever since that moment I've been overwhelmed with a lot of mixed feelings.

On one hand, I appreciate that she informed me she'd be unreachable as she knows that if I don't receive an answer to an email I send her, I will freak out. So that was considerate of her.

But on the other hand, her being unreachable means that she's going somewhere fancy and exotic for Christmas. Hence comes my jealousy and selfishness.
This year, because of my finances, I'm not going anywhere for the holidays. Christmas is going to suck this year for me.
Meanwhile my therapist is probably going to some remote island in the Caribbean or something (I've got no idea where she's going but this is what I imagine). I'm no pleased that she's going, especially as I imagine she'll be taking her sons.

And I'm insanely jealous of her sons. Who already have a ****ing amazing life and it will be be even more amazing this year. Sigh.

I really needed to vent. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I was only once annoyed at a previous T for talking to me about books she was taking on holiday- but that was because she knew I was in a hostel with my daughter sharing one room while we waited for permanent accommodation!
I didn't need to hear about her going abroad.

Other than that I'm not bothered about T's holidays.

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May not be fancy; just remote. My T goes fishing out in the boondocks where there is no cell service. Just a simple cabin on a river in Arkansas. He was pretty much roughing it for a week.

I've never spent Xmas anywhere but at home with family. I've found that to be magical. It's all a matter on perspective. You're putting the magic into your T's experience. Why not reclaim it.

She might be un reachable because she's going 'offline', which is important to prevent burnout. She might be in her house!
I guess the issue though, is your feelings around it. It's easy to assume she and her sons have an ideal life, but I imagine things are less perfect close up...they usually are.

Good point, hadn't thought about her going "offline". Still can't get the thought of her lounging on the beach out of my head... I know I should be pleased for her but I can't.

I'm not saying Christmas with the family at home can't be magical.
But this year, I'm at home, all alone for Christmas. Not exactly magical.

It doesn't have to be fancy or exotic. Maybe she just want two weeks without any work?
My T is never reachable outside of workhours. I know where my T went on hoilday in the summer. Lots of people go there. You can stay in an all-inclusive resort or in apartments. It can be affordable or really expensive. I know most T's in my country don't make a lot of money. Pdoc's do get paid very good. Maybe almost twice as much as T's.

My Christmas also won't be anything special. My family isn't so much about being together, having dinner together.
I'm surprised my T doesn't take two weeks of. She's free on the holiday days, but the other days she works. She really didn't had much vacation this year.
I do get jealous on my T and her life. I don't know much about it and it's probably not perfect. But I can see that my T is a happy person and her life is so much better than mine.

Most places that depend on American tourism (like Carribean islands) have easy internet access these days. However, lots of rural areas in the US don't have good cell phone reception or broadband or anything. So she may not begoing anywhere fancy at all.

Regardless of what she's doing, seems like it would be better to concentrate on somehow making this a fun holiday for you. Maybe there's a way you could treat yourself? Get yourself a present, make yourself a lobster, even just a bubble bath? Something nice you can look forward to and enjoy.

I just checked in with my T about any changes in the schedule with the holiday. She let me know... but then said that the week of the 28th is normal unless she decides last minute to take the afternoon off on the 31st. That bothered me. I'd prefer to not be canceled on last minute if I can help it, so I just suggested that I will not plan on having a session on the 31st, and if she happens to be there, she can let me know "last minute." Sounds stupid to think back on it now... but I think I was a little oversensitive to that comment. That's really kinda childish, I feel like. Ugh.

Is still possible to take control of your own Xmas experience.

Not at all childish of you. What if a dentist said that? I would think the dentist was crazy and not a professional. Your T really needs to firm up professional edge, I think. It seems disrespectful to you. I suggest next time say just that. I once showed up for a session and T had booked another person in my slot and asked if I would be generous enough to give up my time to another patient. Dah? Can you imagine if a dentist did that? It wasn't an emergency. Maybe the T made a mistake and booked someone in my regular spot. I quit that T after another similar incident (she completely missed a session because she went out of town and failed to call me and cancel) and I haven't been back to any T since. I just wanted to tell you I think your reaction was spot on and normal.

If you have no where to go for Christmas etc volunteer in a homeless shelter. They'd appreciate it. Last year I volunteered at shelter all day on 31st, then bought myself treats and watched new year eve shows on
TV. I fell asleep at 10 though lol

I did same thing on Christmas.

Bottom line make it special for yourself and don't worry what your t does. Do your own thing. Create a plan and stick to it

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I hear you. In the past few years I haven't been able to afford even a modest vacation and my therapist knows this, which is why I get very upset that he keeps telling me how he goes some place nice almost every single weekend. Especially given that he knows therapy is my biggest expense except for my home and that paying him is why I can't afford doing much else for myself at all, it seems inconsiderate of him to keep mentioning his weekly getaways. But personally I'm more angry than jealous about this. I don't mind not traveling much but this is part of my anger with my therapist for increasing his fee so much while decreasing the range and quality of his services.

Thanks, volunteering is a good idea.

I cannot believe your therapist mentions his weekly getaways.
How inconsiderate and hurtful. Thankfully my T doesn't do that.
It's just that this year, I've put two and two together when she told me she'd be unreachable geographically. Therapy is a big expense indeed, especially as I pay out of pocket.

Thank you SO much for this. I see T today....think I'll bring it up. I think it's awful that your T asked you to give your time to another person. Actually though, I know what it feels like to be on the receiving side of this.... My T actually double booked during my slot, and she came out and asked who this guy was waiting for. He said her name. It was obvious given their interaction that he was a new client and they had not yet met, and she was severely apologetic for double booking. She gave me the appointment, and asked if he would be willing to come back the next day. I did feel bad, wondering how he felt about that....especially being his first session with her, I did wonder if he showed up the next day.

Thank you, though, for helping me not feel so hard on myself for feeling a bit disappointed with her comment. Really, she should have just left that out, and said that that particular day was up in the air at this time, and she would let me know. Instead, I basically canceled it, and told her if she's around that day, she can let me know. I would rather come in last minute than have her cancel on me last minute because she wants to take the afternoon off. Really, I wondered why she didn't just make the decision to either take it off or not....

I know I have a LOT going on in my personal life, and that things can feel a bit overwhelming sometimes. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't totally overreacting.

Thanks for the response and the story about double booking. I think maybe my situation was the same, that the therapist had booked a new client in my slot. But unlike your T mine kicked me off my regular slot. I still don't understand the ambiguity around your appointment. The T is either available or not available on a certain day. You should know in advance. Again, this is not an emergency situation. Such as, back to the dentist example. I know I can always see my dentist in an emergency at any time. But appointments are booked weeks (actually months) in advance and are sacred. If an appointment needs to be changed I am given ample notice. Also, why is T's personal life factoring in...whether or not she "feels" like taking the afternoon off? Help your T be professional by not accepting this as normal. You have not over-reacted, and I hope you have a good conversation with your T about this today. Good luck.

I think you're mind reading.

She could be camping in the middle of the desert. She could be going to a run down cabin in the middle of the woods.

Right?

I'm home alone for xmas too I can't afford to fly home and see family. Work is miserable and that's what I'll be doing.

I can relate--I can't afford to have more than a few brief sessions with my long term T every few months or so. But he and his kids have this rich, full life. Mine is sucking right now. Will things ever cease to be a huge struggle foe me? Will I ever live in a place where I have friends and family who live close by? Will my career and finances ever have any stability? I feel like I'm drowning.

Sorry to vent about me--just didn't want you to feel alone.

I've crap family and will be working too, while T has lots of loving friends and family and travels a fair bit (I can see her public instagram).

Feel for you. (Hugs Myrto and Growlycat)

Yes, it's frustrating! I know mine goes overseas a day has two fancy cars ... sigh.

Thanks for venting. That's exactly what I meant. I can't help but think that my therapist has such a great life she probably can't relate to some parts of mine. Which makes me angry and jealous. Not proud of this but there you go.

My T used to go on vacations with her husband to exotic countries. I thought she had a perfect life. Then she got divorced and I discovered I was wrong. You never know....

It bothers me when people envy others. I was an object of others' envy several times in my life and it's just not pleasant. I wonder if it is something to explore in therapy. My t says envying others means being a victim. We are in charge of our own lives not of others. We don't really know what's happening in others lives plus where does it end?like right now I have a cold, I could envy those who don't. Or I have stomach ache and gonna envy those who don't. It could go and on. There is always somebody who has more than we have

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