I am so fed up with my inability to look at T in the eyes. I am so fed up not being able to ask her questions. I think partly that stems from my time in treatment when I asked the counsellor on my first day there if he was an alcoholic also? I remember he was cross that i asked and said it was none of my business.

I guess for some, that type of short, sharp response works. For me It scared me and I learnt not to ask people in position questions.

Lately I've been wondering about T as a person, does she go shopping or does she order online? Then I wondered if she ever gets depressed? So on the drive over I was determined to ask.

I looked her straight in the eyes and asked "Do you ever get depressed"? Her eyes were directly back at me and she seemed to be taken back by my question and continued to stare for a short while, but I kept her eye and said "well I am asking you, do you"? she said "Well everybody does" I ssaid "and what do you do?" she replied with a small laugh "I enjoy it while it lasts" Then she sat up a bit and added " Well I guess its a time to reflect inwards"

I then asked does she ever feel so fed up with everything and want to walk away from it all? She said why do you ask? I said because I want to know. She said you are asking me if I am going to walk away from you? I gathered by that reflecting the question back to me, she was firstly showing me what I may well be asking her, and secondly, she isn't prepared to answer.

I explained to her my fear of asking questions, and she said its ok to ask questions, but its not always useful to answer them all.

I nodded in agreement with her, I understand that. I also don't want to end up a relationship where its just for information and curiosity. I do have a lot of curiosity, and even that feeling I normally struggle to contain, do not like to frustrated when I can't get it met. Or I'd spend most of the time seeking info and not looking inwards also I think.

I think also though I'm trying to see her as a person and not an idolised god. I told her when she told me on Mondays session that she doesn't like removing dead mice from traps and throws the trap away with the mice, I was surprised, I said it made me think of the Mouse and Elephant story. It ws good to know she doesn't like touching mice. Helps me see its ok not to be superman. Except I'd wish she'd told me before the wkend when I was alone with a mouse and a trap LOL! and thought I was a coward for asking the guy next door to get it for me LOL!

I asked her also why am I in T, she talked about how if things happen early in life and then your experiences aren't contained, then you won't develope any resistence to lifes events.

She asked me if that was hard to hear? I replied, NO! it actually fits my experience exactly. Thats just how I feel/felt. She said but you are developing resisilence now.

I couldnt keep eye contact all through session, but I gave it a bloody good go!

[lauren_helene]

Hi Mouse!

I'm glad you asked her a question that was burning in your mind. Honestly, I think your previous T missed the mark. He could've said something a lot nicer about your question. Instead he got defensive and caused some damage to you.

As for eye contact, I'm glad you posted that because this is one of my issues too. I can maintain eye contact until I am sharing something painful or he's asked a question that is needed but uncomfortable for me. I need to work on this more. Note to self!

I think both you and your therapist handled the question and responses very well.

[Cheri]

That's really great progress, mouse, asking questions and looking your t in the eye in the same visit! Good for you! You deserve to feel proud of yourself.

[sunrise]

Mouse, that is really great how you are asking your T these questions and looking her in the eye more. I also think it is OK for therapists to not answer all of our questions. They need to establish their boundaries for self disclosure with the client. (I think your alcohol counselor handled it really poorly, though.) My therapist does self disclose fairly frequently, but I really never ask him to give me information. It comes willingly and voluntarily from him. That is kind of my own hang-up--I have a hard time asking, but I am a willing recipient of all he gives me. I would like to become more secure, as you were, and ask him a question (about himself/his life) outright occasionally. I do ask him more philosophical/abstract questions outright.

Anyway, good for you, mouse. Really good session.

[Lemon]

Mouse - that's great you were able to ask a question and keep more eye contact. Both are things I need to work on. If I talk about something that embaresses me I can't keep eye contact. Another time I can't is when I'm trying to remember something. It is like I can't completely think clearly if I'm looking directly at my T.

[Perna]

It's really nice when you don't even have to think about can I/can't I look, you just do what feels "natural" and that's okay. That's when you'll know you're really doing well, when all the little "worries" about trash cans :-) and looking someone in the eyes or not won't even occur to you. I never did learn to ask my T "personal" questions but toward the end, she shared a lot more personal stuff as part of our conversations. She got "realer" to, getting "annoyed" at me occasionally when I'd do something I'd grown out of, that sort of thing. And it all worked out okay. I quit worrying she'd leave me (or throw me out :-) and just be a bit disappointed in myself for annoying her, or sad, or amused and touched because I was under her skin enough for her to get annoyed and she trusted me enough to show it.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
or amused and touched because I was under her skin enough for her to get annoyed and she trusted me enough to show it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
That's very sweet and illustrates so well your closeness with your T.

[dreamrunner]

Wow,Im impressed that you had the courage to ask your T if she ever got depressed.....and she gave such a great answer too.
It feels comforting when T discloses personal stuff....even if its small.My T disclosed to me that he has a cousin who is severly mentally handicapped and what a painful ,difficult thing it was for his aunt and uncle and family.This comforted me because I have two sisters greatly mentally hadicapped.....it helped to make me feel less alone and different.
I usually make eye contact unless Im very uncomfortable talking about the subject.My T also has very very baby blue eyes and although he tries hard to mask his feelings his eyes are very reactive.I watch them when Im entering a tenuous subject.