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View Poll Results: Who holds the power in the client-therapist relationship? | ||||||
The therapist |
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34 | 34.34% | |||
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The client |
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19 | 19.19% | |||
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Neither/considerations of power do not apply |
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11 | 11.11% | |||
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They hold more or less equal power |
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12 | 12.12% | |||
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Power shifts back and forth over the course of the relationship |
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15 | 15.15% | |||
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None of the above (please explain) |
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8 | 8.08% | |||
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Voters: 99. You may not vote on this poll |
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#76
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I'll be interested to read what others think about this poll...I'm sometimes a bit short-sighted.
__________________
~~Ugly Ducky ![]() |
![]() atisketatasket
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#77
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Each views the other as having power in many cases.
Clients are seeking out something from the therapist and believe that the therapist has the power to give them what they want. Love. Acceptance. Whatever. This is why so many emotionally unwell people go down dark paths in therapy. They think the therapist knows best. Therapists know that the client has the power to stop paying them so the therapist oftentimes bows down to the client and won't even say "boo".
__________________
Will work for bananas.
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![]() atisketatasket, BudFox
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#78
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In a relationship:
Whoever needs the most has the least amount of power. Whoever needs the least has the greatest degree of power. ...In therapy and possibly other relationships. |
![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, missbella, unaluna
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#79
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I agree and also believe:
Whoever takes the most risk in criticizing the other.... Whoever is identified as having the problems.... Whoever is expected to accept criticism.... Whoever has the expected obligation of "growth".... Whoever is "labeled" with illness and disorder.... Whoever is identified as outside of the norm.... Whoever is identified as dependent, needing a strong other for decisions or function.... Whoever is instructed, given rules, restrictions and boundaries.... Whoever is most seeking the other's caring, approval and praise.... ....has the least power Whoever is identified with authority and "expertise"..... Whoever is the most detached, taking the role of the "observer".... Whoever has the most permission to judge, evaluate and disapprove.... Whoever controls the narrative and interpretation.... Whoever diagnoses and labels the other.... Whoever can condescend, goad, bully or belittle with the least consequence.... Whoever sets the stage and the rules.... Whoever is the least flexible and available.... Whoever withholds his own self-doubts, deficiencies and weaknesses.... Whoever can (unapologetically) chose not to speak or respond.... Whoever puts forth a protocol without explanation, rational or disclosure.... Whoever can break rules and promises, or change them, with the least consequence... ....has the most power And, frankly when we consider therapy a contract between two equal human beings, these roles can be unearned and arbitrary.... |
![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, PinkFlamingo99
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#80
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![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, missbella, PinkFlamingo99
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#81
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I really never thought of psychotherapy has an issue of power, but maybe the ultimate test is making it out of the illusion, a bad daydream. I'm glad I made it out.
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![]() atisketatasket, missbella
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#82
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Perhaps, but if so, it may be an illusion that can be very useful to a client. And may prevent problems from developing in therapy. Clients who think they have power will behave differently from clients who don't.
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#83
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I voted the T.... but one place where the client has all the power is whether to stay or go. My T has the power to "giveth, and taketh away,) and has used that, with very damaging results for me. But I have the power whether to stay or not.
__________________
~It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving~ |
![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight
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#84
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True, but it can be a devastating blow when the client realizes they really don't have the power they thought they did.
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![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, missbella
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#85
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The illusion of the therapist as powerful healer was the opposite of what I needed.
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![]() atisketatasket
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#86
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I am not sure what you mean by "the power they thought they did." |
#87
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The powerful healer illusion is also not an illusion I have ever bought into - not with therapists, not with doctors. I agree that too many people do so - but again, that illusion can be made less powerful with a clearer idea of who holds what power and rights in relationships like this one. |
#88
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![]() atisketatasket, NowhereUSA
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#89
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![]() atisketatasket
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#90
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So if a client goes in with those two ideas of power at minimum, I'm not sure how they could be devastated. |
#91
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I was pretty devastated and i know others who have been. Sometimes I think if i had known all the things I was supposed to know about therapists and therapy and how it works (which i don't think it does) I wouldn't have gone to therapy. I would not have thought I needed it.
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![]() atisketatasket, missbella
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#92
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I also think hardly anyone goes into therapy knowing what they're "supposed" to know. I sure didn't. Which is one reason to discuss therapy - including the horror stories and urging skepticism - on a public forum like this. But if I understand what you are saying, you did not feel you had the power to leave. May I ask why not? How was what seems a very basic power removed? Did the therapist convince you explicitly or implicitly that you couldn't leave without becoming worse, etc.? Last edited by atisketatasket; Jan 02, 2016 at 04:57 PM. |
#93
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Rationally, I think, this is just a therapy relationship. I can just leave! But the emotional part of me keeps me tied up in these dynamics. Leaving therapy before it's finished would be traumatic for me, similar to how it played out in childhood. ie the attachment is so painful that I sever it and cut my parents off emotionally and physical, going on my own before I'm ready-with traumatic consequences. I have thought of quitting numerous times, but it seems to be a lose-lose situation. I am trying ot work things out right now but am afraid I did all I can do at this point. Some of us make ourselves more vulnerable than others. Because of our temperament, character, beliefs in therapy, defenses, or other reasons. The most vulnerable natural seem most likely to be hurt. Quote:
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![]() atisketatasket, BudFox, junkDNA
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#94
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The long list missbella refers to in her response reminds me more of the cult-ish type new age therapy gurus or alternatively the real orthodox psychoanalyst. And I hope nobody has had the experience of dealing with (what I hope) to be a very small group of therapists where the balance of power is completely lopsided.
Another thing just now that I was thinking about, not directly related to the above, is about whether power comes from the individual or the institution: The guru type therapist gets most of her power from herself, being special and superhuman. She may not even have a license but could have a big following. The psychiatrist type of therapist gets most of his power from institution of psychiatry, which requires the person qualify as a psychiatrist and also be regulated by them. The power to prescribe drugs, to officially diagnose, to commit someone against their will, etc, comes mainly from psychiatry's power, not the person themselves. Perhaps for some people this distinction makes no real difference, because power is power, but one thing I try to do, whenever I feel powerless, is to try to see the source of power. Where is it coming from and who has it? These kinds of questions are useful if you feel powerless all the time. I know myself going into therapy often feel quite powerless in my life. And I have a tendency to project too much power into others. Sometimes the power they have is real and I was right. But sometimes it's not. And sometimes I have more power than I imagined. But it, well, sucks, that people go into therapy to feel empowered and sometimes therapy situation itself just adds to their disempowerment. It's like going to a doctor and getting sicker! |
![]() atisketatasket
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#95
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![]() Partless
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#96
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I've seen power taken and surrendered in extremely subtle ways, in controlling the narrative, in who instructs, who can belittle without consequence etc. And if someone is vulnerable, needs relief from pain, needs answers, the client can be easier to manipulate, particularly if they ascribe expertise to the counselor. I've seen a hierarchy in many social relationships, not just therapy. In junior high it's the mean girl thing.
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![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, Partless, PinkFlamingo99
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#97
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![]() Cinnamon_Stick, LonesomeTonight, PinkFlamingo99
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![]() atisketatasket, PinkFlamingo99
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#98
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![]() atisketatasket, PinkFlamingo99
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#99
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I think for people with different personalities/stories/hurts, it's hard to understand this dynamic or how strong the pull is to feel like someone loves you. It's why cults use "love bombing." For someone like me with abandonment issues, who was alone and struggling, the power came *from* that relationship. It was unhealthy and kind of codependent, but at the time, I basically would have done anything to have her in my life. Yes, this sounds totally mentally unhealthy, but that's why I was in therapy in the first place. AND why I ended up so damaged by what happened. |
![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight
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![]() atisketatasket, junkDNA, LonesomeTonight
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#100
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But one can be emotionally invested without being dependent and without it being about power. That's one of the great lessons and experiences in life -- to have relationships that are invested in healthy ways, realistic in expectations, not full of power plays, and understand that ups and downs and beginnings and endings do happen as the usual course of things. I've been fortunate enough to experience that both within and outside of therapy.
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![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, NowhereUSA, UnderRugSwept
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Closed Thread |
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