What do you do when you dont feel like going to therapy?

I agree with argo. You report an increase in anxiety when there's a lack of communication with your therapist about what's going on in your head. It's the opposite when you've been more open with her.

It comes down to making a decision about what's helpful to you and being clear about it with your therapist.

Whenever I don't want to go therapy (right now in fact) is when I really need to go and face the music so to speak. It's kind of a sign for me that I need to go.

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I agree. The best advice I ever got was to go to T when I didn't want to.

I go anyway, whether I feel like it or not. I've never felt comfortable saying "Thanks, not today".

The reason I don't want to go is because I'll go, not tell T the truth, come home, and get upset at myself for the next few days and I don't want to deal with that.

If I don't feel like it, I don't go. It's my choice.

If I cancel one appointment after another, then my therapist is likely to tell me what's going on. Then we talk about it, and there may be a pattern of me running away from an important issue.

But it would worry me if whenever I missed a single session my therapist would want to talk about it at length or guilting me or there being the assumption of me not having the right to take time off (or that if I do, it must necessarily be a deep psychological motive for me missing an appointment).

There has been times when I did not feel like going to therapy but I pushed myself to go and glad that I did.

My therapist and I have talked about this issue a lot. I'm of the mind that sitting in silence and frustration because don't have anything to say or because it's just not ready to be spoken about yet is silly and a waste of time. I'd rather cancel ahead of time and allow my therapist to fill my slot with someone who needs the time. She's a pretty busy therapist so she doesn't have an issue with empty slots and lost income.

My therapist has let me know that she'd prefer that I come, even during those times that I feel stuck or wrapped so tight that I feel as though I might break into pieces if I tried to talk about anything. She feels that those are the times that I most need to come . . . .or at least she USED to believe that. After a few times of seeing my frustration, irritation and self criticizing rant because I can't produce, she has agree with my plan--cancel when I need to step back and regroup and come in when I'm ready to spill the beans and work productively. I like that she recognizes that my need to cancel wasn't a manipulation or a dodge--it was a need to sort things out in my head, regroup and then re-engage. I've cancelled for as short as one week and as long as three and half months. It varies.

I think you do what you need to do to make the process work most productively for you!

Thanks for that. On the one hand I feel like cancelling will give me time to think and organize my thoughts but on the other hand I feel like I'll keep cancelling when it gets too hard and I know that's not the right way to go.

What if you went and gave her a piece of paper with the truth on it?

I thought about that but if I do then well have to discuss it and I'm really not ready for that yet. I dont know when or if I'll ever be

I think you should do what feels best however, I think it is important to be honest.

What few times I have considered canceling I told T I was in a bad space and wanted to cancel. She was supportive and said if I wanted to cancel then she understood and was fine with it. However, she asked that I consider coming in and we could keep it light and discuss not stressful things and if she asked a question I didn't want to answer to say so. I ended up going and that ended up being one of my best appointments. We discussed none of my issues but spent the session discussing other things that had a lasting impact.

I think about how T is loyal to her side of the contract and force myself to go.

That sounds amazing. If my T emails back saying we dont have to discuss those things then I would definitely go in for sure.

Make sure you tell her that. Don't test T for the "right" response. Tell her what you need.

Very true, great. Any idea on how I could formulate the email? I have an idea but I wouldn't mind hearing others!

I like to keep things short but that's just me so I would say something like:

Dear T

I'm fighting the urge to cancel as I don't want to come in and sit in silence but I am not ready to discuss main issue of x.

Is there any chance we could keep things light this week?

AnxiousGirl

Thank you. I was thinking to say this. (Btw thanks for all your help, appreciate it so much!)

Dear T,

I'm fighting the urge to cancel as I don't want to come in (from your idea), because there is a lot on my mind and I dont feel like being prompted to discuss it as of yet. Is it okay for me to come in but not be obligated or expected to talk about it?

AnxiousGirl

Sounds very good and honest to me. I think your T would appreciate knowing there is more going on and you get the benefit of going to session and feeling the connection without being put in a situation you don't want to be in.

Thank you. I think that's what I'll send. Thanks again for all your help!

Just emailed T. Hopefully all goes well!

Good luck AnxiousGirl. You were very brave to email so honestly.

Good luck with that email, AnxiousGirl. I always believe in being honest with my T. I didn't read or post earlier because there has never been a time when I haven't wanted to go to therapy. Not in the almost 6 years with current T or in my past years of therapy either! I understand your feelings of not wanting to talk about something, though. I hope your T's reply is positive.

Hope it goes well, AnxiousGirl!

For me, I go anyway and then tell her I had thought about cancelling and then we talk about that. Also I post a lot on here about not wanting to go which is how I talk myself into actually going. Because usually, those sessions I didn't want to go to, turn out to be good ones.

Thanks everyone! Just waiting to hear back now!