What do you do when you dont feel like going to therapy?

Hope that your hear from your T soon.

I think it is great. I can't imagine a T not respecting your need to wait. It could also lead to discussions about you not needing to discuss things until you are ready.

I force myself to go and then I'm grateful for that.

Still waiting for a reply. I wasn't expecting one this weekend as my T has been out of the office and goes back this week so hopefully my T sees it before my session at the end of the week. Thanks for all the replies.

I still go, 99% of the time. And on the extremely rare occasions that I don't, I tell my T why...but I'll be honest, the last time I remember canceling was because I was sick and had been working overtime that week and I just needed to sleep. I knew going to T wouldn't do anyone any good because I'd be too tired and unfocused.

I got a response back from T and T suggested that since it's been a few weeks since I've been then I do have to go in this week :/ My T also said that I could set the agenda and decide what it is I want to and not want to talk about.

This seems like a good reply, was it what you wanted?

It seemed like you wanted to go and not be pressed. So for you, a good response.

I would have immediately bristled at the command to come and cancelled for several weeks.

To be honest it sort of wasn't. I was hoping maybe my T could have said that I can take a few weeks off to gather my thoughts but I guess not. I emailed back saying I understood what T was saying and that I will go to session. I guess the only good part about this is that now my T knows there is something on my mind and will know that I'm not ready to talk about it rather than pushing me to. I'm still resenting the session but I guess T knows best right.

I admit to being a bit confused and perhaps your therapist was too. What you wrote to your therapist seemed to indicate that you were willing to come, although you were struggling with the urge to cancel, but you had some issues you'd rather not discuss at the moment. Your therapist responded to that email by indicating that she'd prefer that you come, but YOU were in charge of the agenda. It truly seems to me that she was open and accepting of your agenda or way of conducting your next session. To me that would be a positive thing. Communicating EXACTLY what you want to do is critical. As much as we'd like our therapists to read our minds (ie. in this case you really DIDN'T want to go and planned to cancel), our therapist can't know what we want or wish. Usually when people talk about an urge to cancel, they really want someone to convince, urge or talk them into coming. When we really and truly want to get out of something, we just cancel and then reschedule when we're ready. Have you really and truly considered that you wanted to be convinced to come, even though you didn't want to talk about certain issues? Just something to consider.

I also apologized to T about the confusion in my reply to the message.
Totally get where you're coming from. The thing is, 2 weeks ago I sort of sent a similar email saying that I wanted to cancel because I had a rough week and my T allowed me to cancel and come back the week after. So I figured maybe I can word this email the same and my T can say the same thing but this time it was different. Sorry for the confusion though! I'm as confused as everyone is too.

Sorry I misunderstood. Further up you had said if your T replied urging you to go and stating you could keep it light then you would appreciate that and go (I thought this because I urged you to ask T for what you wanted) so this email seems like a perfect response to what you wrote.

I don't think you need to ask T's permission to talk or not talk, to go or not go but I know it's important to you. If you want to cancel then cancel. If you want to discuss the issues and keep/grow a connection then go and keep it light.

The ball is really 100% in your court.

I would go anyway

Maybe now t replied this way you ar starting to get concerned that you might have to go?

The thing that I've learned, is that it is critical to state or write exactly what you want or need in the therapy situation. I get it that you thought that because you sent a similar email previously that she'd answer the same this time. But in reality, both times, you didn't want to go or talk. If you need time to regroup and think, then say so. If you're hesitant to go because you're scared, worried, upset or in a tizzy about what is going through your head, say that! Let her know that you're struggling. . . .that you're stuck. . . that you're not sure that you want to talk about anything . .. In other words, take control of your therapy!!! Let her know right out how you want her to respond.

If I don't want my therapist to ask about a particular topic, I let her know. I do realize that she might say to me, "Look, Jay, you're shutting me out and I can't help you that way. How are we going to deal with this?" If I am not able to meet her halfway, I get it that she can't do her job and I might need to move on. Or I can decide, hey, I can give her a list of what I want to talk about or I can give her a self blog about what I'm thinking about or I can ask her for an assignment about . . . . Guess what I'm saying is don't play footsie. Speak what and how you want therapy to proceed. I read here a lot about how unsatisfied and hurt people are about their therapy. I say GET PROACTIVE. Tell your therapist exactly what you want and need. Don't speak around it or whisper it in small ways. Be brave and open and totally directive. It is a good thing. I hope things go well at your next appointment.

If I don't feel like going, I find that I actually do need to go.

Even if I don't feel like going, I go. I just tell her I didn't feel like going. Then we talk about it.

My T always tells me to "avoid avoiding." Try to think of it like that.

Avoiding is giving in to your anxiety.

So true! I already know that I'm probably one of the toughest clients. I am so shy and reserved because all my life I've never opened up to ANYONE. This is all new territory for me and even though it's been a year it still takes time to fully trust someone with something youve never told a soul. But I do have to admit that in the beginning even when I didn't want to speak about something I still did but now when theres a topic I dont want to touch upon I can actually tell T that "I dont really want to talk about this". I guess thats a bit of progress. I know this email probably confused everyone here lol (sorry) but it was because I was trying to be firm and polite at the same time (if that made sense). If I were to be brutally honest it would have been like " Dear T, I dont want to come in this week because I know I won't be able to tell you the truth about what is going on and I hate therapy because of that. I want to take a long break from it." For some reason I find that sort of harsh so I guess I tried to be nice and make a point. T understood my email and said that I would never have to do anything that I dont want to but it was T's job to push me a bit. Which I get.

Yeah I think this fits in perfectly with "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it" haha!

I once told my T I didn't want to come to my session. He said he expected me to be there. I went and hated every second of it. It wasn't until I learned to brutally honest about how I was feeling that we actually started accomplishing things in session. Be brave. You can do it!

Anxious- I think it was perfect what you really wanted to tell T. Not harsh at all, and she'd know what was really going on.

Yeah that was the goal. To let T know something was going on but not saying what it was.

I think that's going to happen to me too. I feel like all the truth and anger I've been holding in is about to explode in a single session. I'm just scared of being offensive (I tend to get like that when im angry). I dont want to be rude to T or anything.