Did my T forget?

My T told me at my session 2 weeks ago that she would email me when she got back from her trip. That was yesterday, and I haven't heard from her yet. She'll probably email me tomorrow morning before she goes to work, but I wish she hadn't forgotten. I'm being strong and not emailing "are you home?" because I assume she is. Or maybe she'll email tonight. It was her idea to email me when she got home, not mine. I suppose she was busy today. It just makes me feel unsettled. Oh, well. Just wanted to post instead of emailing her. That's all.

My T usually won't email until the first work day after vacation. Its SO HARD to wait. I feel.for you.

Thank you, BayBrony. I hope she's not sick. Guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow. My session is Tuesday but I know she'll email tomorrow.

Maybe she's late getting back as well.

I suppose they could have missed their flight. She disappointed me. I hope she has a good reason! I googled her kids just now. That was stupid. I'm going to sleep which is what I should have done an hour ago!

You hope she has a good reason ???? She is on a holiday and you´re probably not the first person she is thinking of right now ! Yikes...

I don't think Rainbow is expecting to be at the top of her therapist's priorities right after a vacation,

Her therapist told her she would email her. - it hasn't happened, I think it's completely reasonable to feel unsettled and let down. I'd feel the same.

That is kind of what sucks about therapists. If a friend or family member said they would call, text or Email "later," and they don't, it's not a big deal. But when therapists say something, and hey, I've been guilty of feeling this way too, "the Gods have spoken," and it better happen.

Here's hoping you received your Email this morning, if you don't though, I don't think your therapist requires a good explanation for you as to why, although I think I might possibly remind the therapist during my next session that words, statements, "promises" (whether intended to be or not) can be taken very seriously in therapy, and that she might not make statements such as this that she might forget to follow through on. It can cause a great deal of hurt that frankly, doesn't need to happen if the therapist would be more careful with their words.

Some of us depend on our therapists (me included) more than we should.

I just got my email. Generic. Hope you're doing well and see you tomorrow. So she did forget because this is her normal appointment reminder after a longer sbsence. I worry and she's fine. I agree, Aloan. In my mind, T's promise was binding, and she broke it. She told me she would email when she got back, and told me that she was going to be back Saturday. She knows I worry; that's why she said it. I'm angry with her anyway; this just makes it worse. I would normally email back to say thanks, see you tomorrow, but I'm in the mood of lashing out so I might not. She could have taken 10 seconds to email "I'm back" yesterday. But she didn't. She forgot.

These are my feelings. Please don't anyone tell me I shouldn't feel them.

Thank you for taking my post the way it was intended. After I wrote it, I was afraid you would think I was being critical. Not at all. I completely understand! I think if we were able to realize that sometimes words are just words, we wouldn't be in therapy! I do think you shouldn't expect a good excuse, because really, if our therapists wanted to be such a way, we really should only expect their time during sessions. It's nice you have a therapist who somewhat "includes you" by saying she would Email when she gets back, so you don't worry. (Thank you for including the not worrying part, now I really get why this meant a lot to you!)

Are you angry with her about this, or were you already angry with her beforehand?

Please bring this up tomorrow! It's so important your therapist does not throw out empty promises if she's not going to keep them. It sounds like overall, you have a very good relationship with your therapist. It would be so helpful for you to discuss this with her tomorrow and remind her that checking in isn't because your nosy, it's because you worry. What she told you could have been a figure of speech for many, but she needs to know you take it seriously and she need not say things like that if she's not going to follow through. Good luck!

I'm sorry your t has disappointed you. You have every right to feel the way you do. I had a similar situation happen with my t and it hurt like h*ll. I feel for you.

Aloan put it best saying when our t's tell us they will do something, it's like "the God's have spoken." When they don't follow through, it is devastating. To be clear, I know this is not the case for everyone, or even the majority.

Hope you can let your t know how her actions impacted you when you see her tomorrow. Let us know how it goes if you do. Sending you hugs for relief (if you want 'em)!

Maybe this isn't the same situation, but I have been very touchy, and always am around the holidays. It seems like a time when we should be receiving displays of love, and usually it is a glaring reminder to me that no one really gives a crap about me.

I had a similar thing years ago. My therapist went on a two week vacation and it was rough for me, really rough. I asked before hand if he could send me one picture of where he was at. For the whole 2 weeks I tried not to contact him, and succeeded despite being suicidally depressed. I didn't want to "ruin" his vacation by contacting him during it, but no photo. It was so embarrassing for me to even have to ask for such a thing, and he couldn't even text one pic of a flower or something. Finally the day he got back or so I thought, he texted me a pic of the beach. Just like my life. I'd already been to Hell and back.

I hate when people tell me to call them when i get home. For one thing, maybe im not going straight home. Maybe im stopping at my office, or the grocery store, or something interesting. Plus i usually forget. Im not telling you how to feel. Im just telling you how i feel - and i dont see where your worrying would fit in. Im fine! It feels controlling. Do you report to someone? (Did you and your h do this?) If you are going to worry every time i leave the house, i would tell you to go see a therapist...uh oh...

this is why i never ask anything of my T . then i dont get angry when she forgets and just is living her life

Its hard to email others when you just got home from vacation. Sometimes you arrive and something or somebody needs your immediate attention plus you might be jet lagged, feeling unwell and what if you have 5 other people to email that you arrived who are a priority like mother or sibling or kids or partner etc I understand how you feel, just trying to be realistic.

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I'm sorry you feel disappointed in her response. She did email you when she got back - not as quickly as you would have liked and not the way you would have liked, but she did email. It might be worth talking through with her how you feel and what your expectation was, eg that she would email you immediately she arrived and that it would be a personal email rather than a generic one. She can then understand what you're looking for and either agree to that or explain why she can't do what you want.

In my head there are a dozen different reasons as to why she didn't email immediately etc and, for me, it would feel unreasonable to ask or expect my T to contact me immediately when she returned from a holiday, but that's me. The only way through this one is for you to talk to her and, if you need something really specific be very clear about what you mean, while knowing a generic email one day later may be the best she can give.

T told me she was coming back Saturday. So she had all of Sunday to email. I didn't ask for an immediate email. She knows how important it is to me and it was HER idea to do it. I know she will feel bad that she forgot so now I'm feeling guilty on top of angry and sad about my life. I'll answer other replies when I can. Busy day even though I feel like curling up in a ball until tomorrow.

I think the "be realistic" posts are a bit harsh. T could have made a so-designated realistic promise, but she didn't. That gives her an obligation to rainbow.

I think the therapist here screwed up by saying she would do something but failed to do it. The problem is that the therapist promised something and did not follow through. That it might have been unrealistic or not something others would want to do or want to have is a bit beside the point - I would not care about the therapist letting me know if they were back in town and I don't worry about the therapist's well being, but I very much care that the woman do what she says she is going to do. For me, it would be the carelessness of such a thing if she could not do it. And I do expect a therapist to recognize that they should not make careless agreements.

She didn't do what she volunteered to do = she should feel bad about it

She feels bad about it =/= you feeling guilty

One reason decent people feel bad when they fail to do something they should have is so they'll learn from the experience. She has something to learn. You don't (except maybe not to trust her when she says she'll do something, in which case the onus of correction is still on her). The guilt is unwarranted (unless you're going to spend the next six months reproaching her for it, which I don't think you are).

I hope i wasnt saying to be realistic. I remember at least one time with current t i was extremely worried about his return from a conference. I think i googled ancestors he didnt even know he had! Okay slight exaggeration. But - the important thing is - not the ts action or inaction. It is the clients feeling - really scaring the pants off yourself - and how that is resolved with the t. Imo. So that the next time, the t doesnt have that "power", and the client doesnt have to try to control the t, or take that power from the t. I really dont like when someone tries to constrict my actions because of their "fear".

But the therapist made the offer without any imploring from the client. That is the part here that, for me, would make it egregious. Plus, even if a client asked first and the therapist did not want to or felt constricted by the client's concern - it would be up to the therapist to clearly decline. This therapist made an offer she did not keep.

I understand that. But the work may be to deal with NOT getting the wish fulfilled. The part about me hating constriction is just for full disclosure of bias!.

You think the therapist set the client up just to mess with them? I rarely understand what you mean.

Rainbow, I really think you need to have a talk with your T about this. Maybe you can work out something where your T does not promise anything and then you won't be so upset and disappointed.