[fuzzball541]

Do you ever have a hard time with eye contact? Lately, well more than a mth I haven't been able to look at my T. If I do, it's for a glance basically.
If you haven't been able to look at your T have they mentioned it or suggested how to? My T says I wish you'd look at me....it will help feeling connected.
Does it make you feel less connected?

I'm able to hug my T after sessions, well I wouldn't call them a hug, it's more of a one armed thing he supplies....never a hug hug.
Thanks!

[bolair811]

If I'm talking about something shameful, it takes an incredible amount of effort to look at my T for even a second or two. And, he has to very gently encourage me to even be able to do that. Even when I'm not in an extremely vulnerable state, I still don't make a ton of eye contact with him, but it's definitely easier than when I'm crying and/or experiencing a ton of shame. One of the most healing moments in my therapy with him was when I was all out sobbing (for the first time after over a year in therapy with him) and had myself all balled up in a chair with my head buried to the side. He asked me to look at him so I could see that he wasn't angry or upset with me (like my mom always was when I would cry). I did it, and it really was helpful (even if I only looked for a couple of seconds).

[fuzzball541]

Originally Posted by bolair811

If I'm talking about something shameful, it takes an incredible amount of effort to look at my T for even a second or two. And, he has to very gently encourage me to even be able to do that. Even when I'm not in an extremely vulnerable state, I still don't make a ton of eye contact with him, but it's definitely easier than when I'm crying and/or experiencing a ton of shame. One of the most healing moments in my therapy with him was when I was all out sobbing (for the first time after over a year in therapy with him) and had myself all balled up in a chair with my head buried to the side. He asked me to look at him so I could see that he wasn't angry or upset with me (like my mom always was when I would cry). I did it, and it really was helpful (even if I only looked for a couple of seconds).

It sounds like a very warm moment when your T asked you to look at him to see his emotion. . Thank you for sharing.

[BayBrony]

My T and I touch a lot but I still find eye contact makes nr feel incredibly vulnerable. My T says that because of my abuse feing "seen" is frightening to me ( pretty sure she is right about that). I have trouble holding eye contact. If my T really wants me to hear something and take it in she will insist that I look at her but I find it very difficult. However when I AM able to hold eye contact I do feel more connected and cared about.

[ChavInAHat]

I don't do eye contact very often at all with anyone and I can see T bending over in all sorts of ways to get eye contact. But since my daughters autism diagnosis it is becoming apparent that I may well have Asperger's syndrome- T thinks I do. So she doesn't voice anything other than how much of an autistic trait it is.

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[fuzzball541]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

My T and I touch a lot but I still find eye contact makes nr feel incredibly vulnerable. My T says that because of my abuse feing "seen" is frightening to me ( pretty sure she is right about that). I have trouble holding eye contact. If my T really wants me to hear something and take it in she will insist that I look at her but I find it very difficult. However when I AM able to hold eye contact I do feel more connected and cared about.

I need to really push myself to see if I hold contact too if I would feel his care. I'm also afraid to be seen. I feel inferior.

[fuzzball541]

Originally Posted by ChavInAHat

I don't do eye contact very often at all with anyone and I can see T bending over in all sorts of ways to get eye contact. But since my daughters autism diagnosis it is becoming apparent that I may well have Asperger's syndrome- T thinks I do. So she doesn't voice anything other than how much of an autistic trait it is.

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My T doesn't put in that much effort. Doesn't move his chair or anything. That's nice your T tries and sounds understanding as to why. Thanks for sharing!

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by fuzzball541

Do you ever have a hard time with eye contact? Lately, well more than a mth I haven't been able to look at my T. If I do, it's for a glance basically.
If you haven't been able to look at your T have they mentioned it or suggested how to? My T says I wish you'd look at me....it will help feeling connected.
Does it make you feel less connected?

I'm able to hug my T after sessions, well I wouldn't call them a hug, it's more of a one armed thing he supplies....never a hug hug.
Thanks!

I struggle with eye contact, especially when we are on a particularly painful or embarrassing topic. Early on me and T decided to sit side by side. That way we can still see each other and make eye contact occasionally, but it isn't as intimidating as sitting opposite one another for the whole time.

[ChavInAHat]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

I struggle with eye contact, especially when we are on a particularly painful or embarrassing topic. Early on me and T decided to sit side by side. That way we can still see each other and make eye contact occasionally, but it isn't as intimidating as sitting opposite one another for the whole time.

It would make my life easier if my T would sit next to me rather than across from me! I always have much better conversations in the car because I'm not having to try and look somewhere close enough that it doesn't come across as I'm not paying attention as I'm driving and expected to look at the road

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[nottrustin]

I have always had a hard time making eye contact with people. I have been working on that. T is one of very few people I make eye contact with. However, whenever we are discussing something painful I can't do it. I look at everything but her. She has never mentioned it in fact I think she tries to respect that or she has the same problem. Occasionally I will try to make eye contact during these times and she will be looking someplace else. She is still very involved in the conversation just not looking at me.

[fuzzball541]

Originally Posted by Jessica Hazlitt

I struggle with eye contact, especially when we are on a particularly painful or embarrassing topic. Early on me and T decided to sit side by side. That way we can still see each other and make eye contact occasionally, but it isn't as intimidating as sitting opposite one another for the whole time.

I wonder how that would be sitting next to T. It would feel almost too close. But not as demanding to make eye contact. Where when you sit across from one another it's like he's staring at me the whole time.
He doesn't have a couch in his office rather two chairs and his desk chair that is on wheels. Some clients sit in the chair right next to his desk. Which would be like night on top of him. I choose to sit in the first chair closest to the door.

[fuzzball541]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I have always had a hard time making eye contact with people. I have been working on that. T is one of very few people I make eye contact with. However, whenever we are discussing something painful I can't do it. I look at everything but her. She has never mentioned it in fact I think she tries to respect that or she has the same problem. Occasionally I will try to make eye contact during these times and she will be looking someplace else. She is still very involved in the conversation just not looking at me.

T is about the only person I can not make eye contact with. You know prior to his change I was able to. That's nice your T understands. I wonder if she does have the same problem if you have caught her looking away too?

I don't really have a hard time making eye contact with T. I'm glad your T encourages you to look at him.

[AnxiousGirl]

Lately I've been having trouble with eye contact too because of how scary the topic being discussed is. I tend to either look down at my hands or to the left or right of the room. I too see T moving their head to catch my eyes but so far my T hasn't really commented on it. It's tough.

[MiddayNap]

Originally Posted by ChavInAHat

I don't do eye contact very often at all with anyone and I can see T bending over in all sorts of ways to get eye contact. But since my daughters autism diagnosis it is becoming apparent that I may well have Asperger's syndrome- T thinks I do. So she doesn't voice anything other than how much of an autistic trait it is.

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Bah! I hate when people do that. "Can you look at me?" "Can I see your eyes?" They'll ask as they bend and swoop their necks all about in an attempt to steal your gaze. It's as though they don't believe any interaction can occur properly without eye-contact.

[MiddayNap]

I don't usually look into a person's eyes, though I can with people who are very familiar. Well, unless of course they are rather close-physically, I mean.
Really, I've but two options:
I either avoid a person's face altogether or stare at whatever feature I find the most distracting. Whatever the case, I'm deemed rude.

[Sparkles4me]

I sometimes have a difficult time looking someone in the eyes when I know their or honest... I can tell and it seems like I don't want to have anything to do with them.. So I think I mentally reject them .. Because I can see the dishonesty. I hate that I do that because it makes them uncomfortable, but other than, that I can ..

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[WrkNPrgress]

I've started a couple of threads on this subject myself. I brought it up once in therapy.

I don't have much problem greeting my T or saying good bye with eye contact but when I'm talking about stuff, or upset, I just stare off to the right, at my hands, at the floor, anywhere but at my T.

I want to feel like I can look straight at her when I talk about difficult stuff.

I had a particularly self-loathing rant one session a while back and I practically memorized the look of the couch, the floor, my own hands and I desperately needed to connect but couldn't look at T.

So I finally did this after not looking at her a hole session: it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I paused on the way out and looked at her and said, with a kinda joking tone, "I'm gonna look at you for a second, I feel like, I need to practice eye contact." I stopped, kinda bent down (she was sitting) and looked her right in the eye and smiled and said very mindfully, "Hi".

It was awkard movement on my part, but she simply smiled back and said, "Hi" It was quite simple and brief but it was a very nice moment. Like a hug but visual.

I thanked her and we both kinda laughed (whatever that soft giggle/laugh kind a thing is called.)

The very next session she made a point to have me pull my hands away from my face and look at her. She said it wasn't related to my request but she hasn't done that since.

I'm not so self-conscious about the eye contact thing anymore even though I do still stare everywhere else. It's just how it is. My T said she gets it, because it's just being vulnerable. The therapy space is not the same as normal social settings.

[pearlys]

I became hyper vigilant to this. In almost every conversation I'm thinking do I make enough eye contact and also worry that the other one thinks the same. I even start to worry that they think I have autism or asperger. And that distracts me from the conversation itself. And I already suffer from concentration problems

[stopdog]

I only look at the woman when angry or when talking about scheduling. In real life I am fine with eye contact. With the therapist, she makes faces and stuff that I find especially annoying - so I don't look at it.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by ChavInAHat

It would make my life easier if my T would sit next to me rather than across from me! I always have much better conversations in the car because I'm not having to try and look somewhere close enough that it doesn't come across as I'm not paying attention as I'm driving and expected to look at the road

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My T actually said something a while back about reading that Dads often 'go for a drive' with their teenage sons if they need a chat with them. I also used to find when I was trying to connect with stuff we were talking about, I would often get distracted with like, the extra layer of consciousness sort of saying, "your holding eye contact too long.... Look away..... Oh don't make it obvious... Now he's going to think.." Etc etc.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

Originally Posted by fuzzball541

I wonder how that would be sitting next to T. It would feel almost too close. But not as demanding to make eye contact. Where when you sit across from one another it's like he's staring at me the whole time.
He doesn't have a couch in his office rather two chairs and his desk chair that is on wheels. Some clients sit in the chair right next to his desk. Which would be like night on top of him. I choose to sit in the first chair closest to the door.

I can understand that. Me and T use a little bit of touch so we are both used to close proximity. We sit on the floor up against each other with a chair behind us. Is it's a really awkward session and even the occasional eye contact is too much, T will turn 90 degrees so he has his back to me. Normally a put my head down on his back so we maintain a connection of some sort.

[ilikecats]

I usually make eye contact with my T when she's talking, but when I'm talking I look down more. I think I tend to do this with everyone though, not just my T. Sometimes if she's talking about something that I feel sorta uncomfortable about, like self harm, then I look down or around. Or if I'm just feeling extra anxious. I feel like when we do make eye contact, I do feel a bit more connected. Plus, I just like looking at her.

I have the opposite problem. I stare right at people's pupils and apparently it's unnerving. But it takes power away from them, when you meet their eyes.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I am so glad I am not alone in this! I have the hardest time with eye contact. If the topic is light then I can easily look her in the eye often. If the topic is rough I look everywhere but at her. I am that kind of person who needs the connection that eye contact gives so I try really hard to look at her and not at the floor.