[Petra5ed]

I think I am more in tune with what I really want, I'm not getting it, but I am aware of it. People say they see changes in me, sometimes I wonder what exactly they are talking about, other times I feel light years ahead of where I came in.

I self harm less frequently and with less intensity.

I think I have a clearer understanding of the impact of upbringing on my siblings and myself.

I cope with work stress better and am far less socially anxious in some situations compared to a year or two ago.

I'm still isolated and lonely etc but I never expected to get so attached to therapists because I'd never had that kind of attachment to anyone before.

Can your T tell you changes T has noticed? Asking because I'm thinking of asking my T too. It's easy to not see progress when we're in the thick of it - much like how one doesn't notice one is growing taller until some time has passed.

It's helped me 'become'.

I am definitely more self-aware thanks to therapy.

[stopdog]

It hasn't and the one time the woman tried to say what she thought had happened I had no idea what she was talking about. She went on about hoping I would "honor the work we had done" and that some things from my past were processed and made sense to me now - I was like "What the hell are you talking about?"
The thing that has happened is I have more empty meaningless phrases to use with students when they come cry at me. For some unknown reason, those sorts of things seem to soothe many of them. I am torn - I am glad the student is not as upset but I despair that they fell for such a thing.

[emlou019]

I'm still on my journey through therapy. Still have a way to go.

At this time, I am feeling more self awareness and self acceptance, not as defensive and able to express my feelings more. The panic attacks have eased. And also, I have learned to let people in more.

[JustShakey]

Objectively I know I've changed, though I don't feel like I have. I'm still myself. I think I've jut gotten better at expressing myself - my Self...

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[divine1966]

I didn't change as a person but I am more aware of why I do what I do (exploring and understanding family dynamics). I am also better on dealing with my dysfunctional family of origin (employing better strategies).

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[Cinnamon_Stick]

Yes therapy has changed me and my therapist tells me all the time that she can see the changes. I understand my feelings better, I am learning to trust again, I feel very empowered, I don't feel alone. I have a list of how therapy has helped me.

As someone else said, I never thought I would have such intense maternal transference and attachment to my T. I see it as part of the deal and I am learning more about attachment and transference and how to deal with it.

[BudFox]

Feel more hopeless, defective, mistrustful, cynical, pathological, disconnected, disempowered, alone.

Depression is worse, PTSD manifestations more debilitating.

On the plus side, I now see the danger of deferring and submitting to authority and hierarchy. I have learned to trust my gut.

Originally Posted by BudFox

Feel more hopeless, defective, mistrustful, cynical, pathological, disconnected, disempowered, alone.

Depression is worse, PTSD manifestations more debilitating.

On the plus side, I now see the danger of deferring and submitting to authority and hierarchy. I have learned to trust my gut.

Yes! This completely.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Broken. Suffering.

The depression lifted and I am no longer looking into the abyss and looking for an end to it all. I can see life as precious and worth living. To me those are the two things that mean the most to me.

As an aside, I've also gotten better at actually FEELING my emotions, instead of stuffing them down and denying their existence. I can actually FEEL them in my body I still have a lot to learn about what to do with them, but at least I'm feeling them.

I've also stopped twisting myself into a pretzel to accommodate others. I've learned to set a boundary and stick to it! I think this one is a big one for me but I'm not sure it was totally due to therapy; I think getting older has a lot to do with this one.

[ilikecats]

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

The depression lifted and I am no longer looking into the abyss and looking for an end to it all. I can see life as precious and worth living. To me those are the two things that mean the most to me.

How did you get to this? I'd like to feel that way too, but I can't figure out how.

I'm more aware of when I allow myself to be guided by fear. Kind of sad, that after almost 4,5 years of therapy that's the only change, and I'm not even in therapy because of anxiety/fear.

Self centered, cynical, broke, more depressed, more self-destructive. Now I am doing much better out of therapy realizing my own POWER. I don't need someone like that in my life. I am happier. I am still more cynical, but in the way that I will NEVER let someone use me and abuse me again. I am stronger in a sad kind of way. I realize I would have survived though without the awful therapist.

Originally Posted by ilikecats

How did you get to this? I'd like to feel that way too, but I can't figure out how.

It wasn’t a “quick fix”, Ilikecats. I was a total train wreck for three years and then one of the walking wounded for another two years. During that time, I worked with two different therapists. Unfortunately, the first therapist retired when I was crashing and I floundered for six to eight months until I found another therapist. I was hospitalized twice following the first therapist’s retirement and neither inpatient experience was helpful, in fact, they were quite harmful. Crazy, arrogant, and controlling psychiatrist, but that’s another story! What helped me, was having someone consistently available to listen to me, validate what I was feeling and being patient and compassionate when I got stuck and felt as though I couldn’t keep putting one foot in front of the other—what I didn’t need was someone to tell me to stop moaning and whining and get with the program!

I have a trauma history that I never dealt with earlier in life, but the good thing was that neither therapist tried to excise that wound while I was dealing with the depression. They both spent our session time giving me an outlet for the deep sadness and pain inside me, they helped me learn solid coping skills and then they assisted me in actually using those skills when I’d come in with an issue that was causing me difficulty. The second therapist encouraged and supported me in returning to work, and supported and nurtured me when I had to deal with the ramifications of people at work knowing how desperate I was at the beginning of my depression—a lot of shame and regret around that issue but she kept me focused and healing and I didn’t have any time to wallow. Work was important to me. It kept me engaged and living, even while I was limping along.

I’m not saying that everything is rainbows and ponies, but I’m better now than when I entered therapy . . . .better than I was before I entered the depression because I’ve learned a lot of coping skills. I’m working with my third therapist (I moved across the country and had to leave 2nd therapist) and I’m finally ready to work on the trauma issues. I’m entering this phase of my healing much stronger and confident than I was pre depression and during the depressive episode. Long explanation but I wanted to give your question a true reflection of how I feel. By the way, I love cats too! Thanks for listening.

[nottrustin]

~I have learned to set boundaries with people that are toxic for me.

~I AM a good mom. Before therapy I thought I was a horrible mom. She has helped me to realize that I need to trust my instincts. My children are amazing and a large part is due to us as parents (t has given me a lot of guidance along the way so I also give her some credit that she refuses)

~Learning to realize when my fears are realistic or when they are just my anxiety.

[Out There]

I'm on a journey through therapy. I'm more in touch with my feelings , he listens to me and understands me and sees me for who I truly am. I'd nearly lost faith in humanity and people , he brought it back somewhat.

[Elkino]

I feel like I've grown a lot. But then again, I wonder whether I didn't make all those changes only for my T. I have no clue whether more than my behavior has changed, whether my core has really changed too.
It doesn't feel very good, but I'm hoping this will change and I will grow (more). Learning to do things for myself too...

Finally . . . stable, happy, content. Finally . . . no more flashbacks, no more dissociation, no more depression, no more suicidality. Finally . . . I like myself. Finally . . . I have confidence. Finally . . . I proactively take care of myself.

I am happy now. No longer dying from anorexia. No longer so depressed. Dont cut. I have control of my emotions. I am positive and outgoing.

[ejayy78]

I still have a lot of work left to do in my therapy. I guess one way I have changed is that I've learned what safety is, and what a safe person looks like. My t is safe but I also learned to trust the family members I'm living with now as safe, as opposed to my immediate family.

[missbella]

I've definitely run the gamut in understanding and recovering from harmful therapy. I began blaming myself, feeling extremely unworthy and vulnerable. I learned I had to figure out life on my own; there's no one to help me. I learned there's no magic transformation into something else or anyone else; I'm stuck being me.

I'm still trying to discard the persecution-self-pity-entitlement self-identitification that therapy gave me. I'm trying to dismantle all my therapy-think--labeling myself, actions, other human beings.

I'm less inclined now to let stronger personalites judge, boss or supervise me--though I still have that fearful reflex. I no longer fall for someone's "performance." In fact, I believe the more bluster someone has, the less substance likely behind it.

I've learned there was never an authority figure bolstering me; I was coping myself all along. I've learned there are no Life Experts; any who claims to be is a faker. I learned never to surrender my judgment to someone else. I learned the difference between science and speculation and showmanship. I've learned to live with a minority opinion. I've learned to be more patient when my beliefs threaten someone else's fears. And I've made friends who've asked the difficult, painful questions I have.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by BudFox

Feel more hopeless, defective, mistrustful, cynical, pathological, disconnected, disempowered, alone.

Depression is worse, PTSD manifestations more debilitating.

On the plus side, I now see the danger of deferring and submitting to authority and hierarchy. I have learned to trust my gut.

I'm sorry for how you feel, BudFox. I wasn't going to respond to this thread at all, but after I read your post, I changed my mind. I'll just say, "Ditto to what BudFox said. Can't say it any better." It's unfortunate to have an experience like this....when we end up getting worse instead of better. Hopeful my new T will be able to help me "fix" myself again.