how do you tell your t how much their support means without it being clingy

My t and I are stating to delve into done worse territory and although I am scared of it, I am also ok with what is going to happen in session because he will be there and he keeps saying he will keep me safe and I believe him.

There has NEVER been anyone in my life that has said they would protect me and didn't turn it into something bad later. I hope I am not wrong, but I don't think my t is going to do that and he keeps doing things that help me feel safe and even tells me in words. I want do badly to tell him how much these things mean, but I an to scared that if I do it will mean something to him that might make him back off. I read about transference and dependence and that some t's believe it is good and others negative, and I don't want to risk screwing up what is currently here.

How do you decide if telling your t how important they are and how much their actions have ment would be a good if bad step? I am sooooo scared that if I said it, he might pull it away but I really want him to know how much I think about his comforting words and how much they mean to me. Even more so, with the upcoming 'harder' stuff. .. I wish he would just hold my hand or do something supportive, but I don't know if that is a boundary thing or if he is worried about my reaction from my ptsd. .. but I know that is WAAAAY outside any chance of mentioning that.

I just don't know

How about a simple "I just want to say thanks for your help and support; it really means a great deal to me. I appreciate your help"? It doesn't have to be some big confession or anything, and if you feel inclined to say thank you, I doubt that would be seen as some big sign of over-dependence or transference.

Thanks lolagrace.. I do make regular generic thanks, but lately he has soon stepped up and file done things that have made me have the first place in 40 years that I have really believed I might be safe. I don't know if he realizes the impact of these little things he has done and said or if he is well aware of it. It has just ment so much to me, i want him to know. . But don't want to screw things up either.

I was just telling my T today similar things. I was telling her how she does some [positive] things that ex-T used to do. I told her she's my safety net. I was afraid she wouldn't like that because it places a lvl of responsibility on her. She said she didn't mind now that she knows me better. (She actually wound up switching it around saying I was by own safety net...) Anyways, she took it well. She said to a degree, Ts are supposed to be dependable for their client.

I think you should tell your T. I don't think you'll screw things up just by showing your appreciation.

It sounds to me like you are wanting to express the deep gratitude you hold for your t for what he does for you. To me, that is not the same as having dependence or transference.

My t always appreciates it when I tell her how much she means to me, the impact she is having on my life, etc. It's a testament to her compassionate character and her commitment to our work together. I'm always thankful to her. When I express my deep gratitude to her, she really takes it to heart, so it's one small way for me to give back to her.

I can't imagine you would screw things up by letting your t know how thankful you are for what he is doing for you, especially since he is so safe. I'm sure he'd love to know of the impact he is having on you.

Last time I was feeling particularly grateful it was in an email exchange so I replied:

" thanks for your help and support. It means a lot to me."

I think that maybe what makes gratitude seem "clingy" has something to do with insecurity on the part of the person doing the thanking. I've gotten 'thanks' before from people who seemed desperate to make me understand just how much they appreciated whatever I did--It's like they wanted something back, some show of emotion from me that would validate and reflect the intensity of their thanks....Like they wanted some proof that they were as special to me as I was to them.

Which is only natural, right? You put yourself in a vulnerable position when you feel deeply about someone and risk that depth not being returned.

Maybe the best way to go about it is to assure yourself beforehand that T will accept both you and your thanks? Remind yourself that the relationship is secure and you won't be rejected for showing gratitude/emotion? A sincere, but not desperate, "I am enormously grateful for your help" ought to do the trick.