[retro_chic]

So I've writing a huge long letter to my T about the stuff I didn't get around to discussing in our last session as well as a reflection on the session. It is going to be at least a full A4 page by the time I'm finished with it. I'm not sure if I should send it to her though. I feel like I already take up too much of her time; I see her at 6pm every Thursday and I feel bad for making her work so late just to listen to me say "I don't know" for 50mins.

The other thing is, I email her a few weeks ago about a scheduling issue I was having and also mentioned how the possibility of not being able to see that week made me anxious because I feel very attached to her. She responded to the email and addressed the scheduling issue but didn't say anything about the attachment thing. I understand that she can't give me therapy via email yet I still feel the need to send her this letter I'm writing. The fact that I get so overwhelmed and flustered during our sessions makes it difficult for me to talk about things. T asks me a lot of questions and the more she asks the more I shut down. I feel as though writing everything down and sending it to her will help with this but I worry I'd be over stepping my boundaries by doing so.

What should I do?

[AllHeart]

What about printing off the letter and then hand it to her when you see her next?

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

What about printing off the letter and then hand it to her when you see her next?

I have tried to do that in the past but I got too scared to hand over the letter

[retro_chic]

The other thing I thought about doing was emailing T telling her I've written this letter and to please ask me about it when we have out session because I may chicken out and not give it to her because I'm nervous. Would that be weird? I know it is up to me to bring things up or whatever but I need her to help me do that.

[jbeans]

People have always suggested to me that sending therapists writing is a good thing since I struggle with talking about stuff... And I am sure that they can be right...

But I am honestly glad that your therapist hasnt gotten into email communications with you over therapeutic matters.

My last t, whom I ended up reporting and sending 90 pages of emails as evidence of misconduct, replied to every insecurity that I sent her... The more she responded, the more I sent...

I am not saying that you were wrong to ask but dont view her lack of response as rejection. Professional boundaries exist for your protection.

I think that the best way for me to approach the writing thing was to write something and read it out loud. Otherwise I always fell into a pattern where I would become less and less engaged when speaking and became more and more dependent on written contact. I also became more and more dependent on my t...

[ChavInAHat]

Maybe email her with the question can you email her with something you have written as you feel more able to say some things in writing.

I email my T with this stuff because I too sit there and say 'I don't know' or I know what I want to say but don't

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[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by ChavInAHat

Maybe email her with the question can you email her with something you have written as you feel more able to say some things in writing.

I email my T with this stuff because I too sit there and say 'I don't know' or I know what I want to say but don't

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Yeah, I think I might do that. I have a really dumb question though, what should I put as the email subject?

[ChavInAHat]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

Yeah, I think I might do that. I have a really dumb question though, what should I put as the email subject?

That really isn't a dumb question

Sometimes I leave it blank because I don't know what to put either. Especially for something like a quick question or I would put 'quick question'



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[ScarletPimpernel]

You really got to push past your block. Is it fear? Not being present in the moment? I would try to figure out what it is that isn't allowing you to communicate and work on that.

For me, lately, the "I don't know" comes from exhaustion and not veing able to process things well in the moment. But I don't have an issue going in the next week and telling my T what I wanted to/forgot to say.

If you're just going to update/fill her in on things you didn't say...just do it. There's nothing to fear.

If the information is "sensitive" like you feel like she's going to judge you, then write it up, print it, and bring it in. And push yourself to read it to her. Therapy takes effort. Push yourself a little. You'll feel better when you do.

[RedSun]

Retro, I've been in this situation too...

I emailed T and told it all in the email, that was good.
I have also emailed and said I've written something out, so that she asked for the letter in our session.
I think I titled the email something like 'really long rambling email'
Agree that 'quick question' is good, 'non urgent query', 'something for next session' maybe?

[Chummy]

If you're allowed to email your T, then you should email her. Don't feel guilty about taking up more time from her. If is wasn't alright, she would tell you.
I find it really hard to talk about things to my T. When I first started seeing her, she gave me her emailaddress from work and said I could email her if it was to hard to tell it in person. This has helped me to open up to her. I slowly started talking more in sessions. There are still things I'm afraid to tell her or to start talking about to her and then I write it in an email to her. She always replies, sometimes short, sometimes a bit longer. And we'll talk about it in my next session.
I think the longest email I've send her was about two A4's long.
In the subject line I usually put something like ''something for next session'' and I've used ''hello, nothing urgent'' or just ''hi''.

[Jordy]

I've been in this situation last week, I didn't know whether I was allowed to email or not as we've never discussed it. T has only answered by texting me she was glad I emailed instead of harming myself and suggesting I go to the DBT skills group on Monday.

Took me four years to email her when in a difficult situation, but now I'm glad I have done it.

[retro_chic]

So I emailed T last night telling her I'd written this thing and asked if it was ok to email it to her. This is her response:

Hi retro,

Reflecting on the session is a good idea. However, I think this is something that needs to be discussed in the session to understand what it means to have it written and sent in this format, as well as any feelings around it. We can talk about this at the next session if you like?

Kind Regards,

T

I know this is a perfectly reasonable response but my first reaction is "F you T". I'm also worried that maybe she doesn't like me even though I have no logical reason to think that. Definitely an "I hate you, don't leave me" kind of situations.

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

I know this is a perfectly reasonable response but my first reaction is "F you T". I'm also worried that maybe she doesn't like me even though I have no logical reason to think that. Definitely an "I hate you, don't leave me" kind of situations.

Agree that it is reasonable and agree with your first reaction. And I understand your feeling rejected also.

Having said all that, I would take the letter in and hand it over and see what happened from there.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

Agree that it is reasonable and agree with your first reaction. And I understand your feeling rejected also.

Having said all that, I would take the letter in and hand it over and see what happened from there.

Thanks for your reply. I'm going to bring the letter to my next session - I spent a lot of time writing it and there are a lot of important things in it that I need to talk about.

I'm still feeling inappropriately angry towards T and I kind of don't want to see her again but I kind of do at the same time. I've never been diagnosed with it but I am becoming very suspicious that I have borderline personality disorder and these feelings in having towards T are confirming it. I have written about this in my letter but I'm afraid that when I talk to T about it she won't want to work with me anymore.

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

Thanks for your reply. I'm going to bring the letter to my next session - I spent a lot of time writing it and there are a lot of important things in it that I need to talk about.

I'm still feeling inappropriately angry towards T and I kind of don't want to see her again but I kind of do at the same time. I've never been diagnosed with it but I am becoming very suspicious that I have borderline personality disorder and these feelings in having towards T are confirming it. I have written about this in my letter but I'm afraid that when I talk to T about it she won't want to work with me anymore.

The fear of being dumped by t is pretty common; I've definitely felt it.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I know its hard to see (It was very hard for me to see this concept for a long time) but your T is actually showing you how much she cares about you and that your thoughts are important. Talking about things in person is best. With email things can easily be misinterpreted. She is letting you know that what you have to share with her is really important and she wants to talk about it face to face.

About what to put at the email subject - I usually put my name (and, with new T's, date of birth). I've been told doctors prefer it that way and if doctors do, other (mental) health workers isn't that big of a stretch.