[confusedbyself]

I don't know if this is one of those posts that should have a trigger warning or not.... so just in case, I am warning... LOL...

Ok, I know many people have talked about telling t's about abusive things that have happened, but HOW?!?!!?!

I have been with my t for a couple of years now and he is fabulous, but we are supposed to begin some type of imagery to revisit situations from my past/childhood. I have told him vaguely that "something/stuff" happened and he knows what that meant. We did have one session where we did an exercise about addressing one of the people, but he didn't make me say what happened and I don't know if it was because I was having so much trouble just being in the exercise or if it was because he doesn't want details and I was hesitant to say anything. Just that exercise flared I didn't know what to say or what he meant and even if I did,, didn't know if I could say it. Now we are about to go again and I keep thinking about how I know what he is asking and if more then "something/stuff" is what is needed,,,, how the heck do you say that to another person, even if it is a t????????

HELP

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by confusedbyself

I don't know if this is one of those posts that should have a trigger warning or not.... so just in case, I am warning... LOL...


Ok, I know many people have talked about telling t's about abusive things that have happened, but HOW?!?!!?!


I have been with my t for a couple of years now and he is fabulous, but we are supposed to begin some type of imagery to revisit situations from my past/childhood. I have told him vaguely that "something/stuff" happened and he knows what that meant. We did have one session where we did an exercise about addressing one of the people, but he didn't make me say what happened and I don't know if it was because I was having so much trouble just being in the exercise or if it was because he doesn't want details and I was hesitant to say anything. Just that exercise flared I didn't know what to say or what he meant and even if I did,, didn't know if I could say it. Now we are about to go again and I keep thinking about how I know what he is asking and if more then "something/stuff" is what is needed,,,, how the heck do you say that to another person, even if it is a t????????


HELP

I walked in to my therapists room knowing full well what I needed to say, but as soon as I got in there I couldn't physically get the words out.
I started shaking and my palms started sweating. I started it off by saying "I need to tell you about something that happened to me a long time ago but I don't think I can get the words out." She gently coached it out of me from that point. I also told her that I needed her to walk through it with me step by step when we revisit because it's too difficult. She was totally fine, at least on the surface. Didn't judge me, never would.
Don't be ashamed or scared, (easier said than done) I can say from recent experience that I'm so glad I plucked up the courage to get it out!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[atisketatasket]

Write it down? That's how I told No. 1.

No. 2 and I both speak the same foreign language, so I told her that way. Worked better than in English, even though neither of us is super-fluent, so there were lots of pauses.

[Ocean Swimmer]

For telling my T I spent some time painting the picture. I got into graphic detail. He just let me talk.
For the Pdoc he stopped me and just said nothing like that will ever happen here. I was disapointed he wouldn't let me process.

[nottrustin]

Could you explain to him that you are having a hard time talking about it? If he knows what you meant then he may be okay with just knowing that. I was pretty much the same way as you. She told me she didn't need to know details. She didn't feel the details were important unless I wanted her to know. Over time I have given her a few details, but she still doesn't really know what actually happened and what didn't..We have been dealing with this issue for about 5 years.

[confusedbyself]

Thanks guys. .. I just can't even let the pictures come into my head, I can't imagine speaking the words out loud, let alone to another person (putting that stuff it there and into his mind) even though I really trust my t. If I didn't trust him so much, I wouldn't even be considering this possibility but I am still so freaked out about so many elements of it and I think most of it is about putting that on him when though I know that is part of the career he chose.

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

For the Pdoc he stopped me and just said nothing like that will ever happen here. I was disapointed he wouldn't let me process.

That is part of my big worry, , that if I can get the words out, maybe he is thinking that it is to much information or not what he was looking wanting be to discuss. ..

[confusedbyself]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Could you explain to him that you are having a hard time talking about it? If he knows what you meant then he may be okay with just knowing that. I was pretty much the same way as you. She told me she didn't need to know details. She didn't feel the details were important unless I wanted her to know. Over time I have given her a few details, but she still doesn't really know what actually happened and what didn't..We have been dealing with this issue for about 5 years.

We have spent a long time trying to work around actually dealing with it and my t feels this is the needed thing and I actually agree. I want desperately to be free of this stuff and have never shared with anyone and I do think that this might finally be the chance fir me. I just can't figure out how to make myself get it out and don't want to say something he didn't intend for me to dump. I understand how this process is suppose to help and I am going it will bring the relief. .. buuuuutt... hooow

[ChavInAHat]

I write it down- I can't always verbalise what I need to say- so I email her instead.

She has been really supportive and brings it up in manageable ways.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[confusedbyself]

Thanks Chaven.....

I notice lots of people do write more or journal to help. I know I really need to be able to talk about this if I am going to remove is power over my life. .. right now it controls my thoughts and life whenever it wants to overtake me.

I just don't know how to push past the fear of actually going to the event and getting the words out, putting that stuff onto another person and even saying or doing the wrong thing... we are doing imagery, so I know my t will be there and keep me safe from myself and help guide.... but I have spent all my life staying away from these areas and stopping my mind when it tries to go there so that even I don't have to acknowledge or experience it. ... I can't imagine speaking the words to another person. I know others have done similar therapies and just wondering how they got past this part. I know I need to do it, just how. ....

[Ocean Swimmer]

I got graphic on a post here. The moderators put trigger warnings on a lot of it.

[nottrustin]

Could you just write a a couple of brief points and ask T to ask questions about them?? I have done this in the past because if SHE asks about it I have an easier time talking about it. Once the subject is out it could gradually get easier to talk about.

Sometimes writing helps me get out difficult thoughts and feelings.

Also, I don't rush myself to disclose things. I've been in therapy for a few years , and there are still topics I don't want to talk about yet. I feel like when I'm ready, it will just happen. I want things to unfold on my own timeline, and if it means going at a snails pace, that's just how my process is going to be.

If you feel like you are ready and can't get the words out, letting your therapist know that might help. Surely they are trained to help people talk about unspeakable topics.