[retro_chic]

I'm sorry to still be harping on about this but I feel as though this is something I still need to talk about.

As some of you may have read in my last post, I have decided to quit seeing my current T. I found her approach (psychodynamic) was making me feel worse and she was not able to give me what I need (mainly emailing her in-between sessions). I would get so anxious during our sessions that I would shut down and totally disconnect from the conversation which obviously made it very difficult to engage in the therapeutic process. In-between sessions I would have all these emotions left to deal with but my T wouldn't really offer any coping strategies as that isn't really part of her practice. Her whole approach is about gaining a better understanding of your feelings and and greater "sense of self" which will help to reduce any "psychological tension". I knew all this going in and thought it would be helpful to me but after experiencing it I realised it wasn't what I need at this point in time.

Anyway, I'm now having second thoughts on all of this. I know that often things can get worse before they get better so maybe I just need to ride this out? I emailed my T telling her want to cancel my next session and take a break from therapy for a while and explained my reasons. I'm now wondering if I should have discussed this with her in person? I became quite attached to this T and experienced some pretty intense transference towards her (both positive and negative feelings). I know this is something I need to work through but I'm not sure I can do it with this T as everything was just way too intense. Also, the thought of being on my own without a T for a while is kind of scary

[Hopelesspoppy]

No, you did the right thing. Your instincts are the clues to what you need. It may be helpful to hear her out, but it really sounds like she is not right for you. Feeling challenged and uncomfortable can be effective, but only when there is a common feeling of trust. I understand your fear. I am sorry but from what you write, I think you will likely need to look elsewhere.....

[AllHeart]

Have you thought about looking for another t that does allow out of session contact if needed, and, offers coping techniques?

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Have you thought about looking for another t that does allow out of session contact if needed, and, offers coping techniques?

Yes, I've been doing some research and found someone who I think might be good. I'm trying to figure out insurance stuff at the moment though. Where I live we have a public healthcare system that allows for up to 10 sessions per calendar year with a psychologist. I've already used up a fair few this year so I'm trying to figure out my private health insurance. I was previously covered by my parents' but now that I'm no longer a student I have to pay for it. The whole thing is super confusing so I'm trying to sort that out first . I'm not sure if this T I found online will be covered by my insurance so I will have to figure out if I can afford it or not.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

No, you did the right thing. Your instincts are the clues to what you need. It may be helpful to hear her out, but it really sounds like she is not right for you. Feeling challenged and uncomfortable can be effective, but only when there is a common feeling of trust. I understand your fear. I am sorry but from what you write, I think you will likely need to look elsewhere.....

Thank you for this .
I think you're right. I can see how this type of therapy could possibly benefit me in the future but not right now.

[retro_chic]

Oh man, I still don't know if this was the right decision. I keep thinking that I should at least talk to my T in person about this. I really don't want to leave her now. In my email I just said I needed to take a break for a while not that I am quitting for good. I just feel so ambivalent about the whole thing and I don't know what to do. I already miss T and I haven't even really left her yet.

Sounds like you are really struggling with your own conflicting feelings right now. Which is stronger, the urge to leave or to stay?
It sounds like attachment stuff, does your t look at this with you? There has been quite an ambivalent relationship with this t all along. A kind of push pull kinda relationship. Perhaps if you could go back and focus on your relationship with her and what's happening in your interactions with each other could help.
Psychodynamic tends to focus on the past too much and yes a lot of our issues and attachment styles are formed in the past but looking at what's happening in the room for you both could be very rewarding.


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[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Sounds like you are really struggling with your own conflicting feelings right now. Which is stronger, the urge to leave or to stay?
It sounds like attachment stuff, does your t look at this with you? There has been quite an ambivalent relationship with this t all along. A kind of push pull kinda relationship. Perhaps if you could go back and focus on your relationship with her and what's happening in your interactions with each other could help.
Psychodynamic tends to focus on the past too much and yes a lot of our issues and attachment styles are formed in the past but looking at what's happening in the room for you both could be very rewarding.


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I'm actually leaning more towards going back now . I'm still going to skip this week though; I have a book club meeting when I usually have my T appointment and I think it would be good for me to do something social. I literally haven't spent time with any of my friends in over 2 weeks. But anyway, I think this relationship with my T is indeed something that needs to be explored. One of the things is that she asks me a lot of questions and it reminds me of how my mother badgers me to try and open up to her which always makes me defensive so that is probably part of what is going on but I'm sure there is more.

When I felt like this, unable to chose between staying and leaving, I opted to take an 'open-ended break' from T1 and see another T in the meantime. Two months after taking the break. I arranged a final 'goodbye session' with T1 and T2 became my permanent therapist.
Those two months gave me some valuable thinking time, as well as a chance to see how I would be with another therapist. It took me the whole two months to decide, and I think that time was vital.

It may be that it is not that psychodynamic therapy s not right for you, but it is the specific therapist. Psychodynamic therapy with a different therapist may feel completely different. Personally I think that it may gut be worth discussing your thoughts with this at before you stop, but I also think it is important not to ignore your gut feeling if that is telling you that it just doesn't feel right.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

It may be that it is not that psychodynamic therapy s not right for you, but it is the specific therapist. Psychodynamic therapy with a different therapist may feel completely different. Personally I think that it may gut be worth discussing your thoughts with this at before you stop, but I also think it is important not to ignore your gut feeling if that is telling you that it just doesn't feel right.

It's not so much that it doesn't "feel right" it just feels too painful and overwhelming at times which I know is all part of the process. I have a lot of trouble expressing my feelings during the session which means that my emotions are spilling out all over the place once I leave. I have had a lot trouble opening up with all the therapists I've had so I don't know if changing Ts would make much of a difference.

[Perna]

If nothing else, conflicting feelings themselves need to be investigated and worked with? It is good you are taking a week to do the book club thing, that will give you a little more perspective on "leaving" and standing the tension of being with/not being with this therapist and perhaps help with the email/during the week anxiety?

[retro_chic]

Thanks Perna, I agree that is important to try and work through this. I have a tendency to abandon relationships when things aren't going well or I feel disappointed in the other person and this situation with my T could be a good opportunity to change that.

I feel really stupid and annoying for telling her I'm quitting only to email her a few days later saying I want to come back. Although I guess being a therapist she is used to this kind of behavior so I probably shouldn't worry about it. I haven't actually emailed her to say I want to come back yet but I think I will be soon.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

I have a lot of trouble expressing my feelings during the session which means that my emotions are spilling out all over the place once I leave. I have had a lot trouble opening up with all the therapists I've had so I don't know if changing Ts would make much of a difference.

Well said about emotions spilling out. I experienced this as well. It was too intense, too much at once, could not process it in the moment. Only later did it sink in and then I was on my own with thoughts that were "like a wild river".

This is partly why I also felt the need for email contact. It wasn't healthy, to pull on all these different threads, and then have to wait a week to resume.

Could you do a tapering process?

[Victoria'smom]

Instead of email can you write it down and pass it to T to read when you get there?

[Freewilled]

My opinion is to trust yourself. I stayed far too long with mine and that was damaging to me in the long run. I could only see that once I was out. You know better than anyone else what you need. I also had the inability to talk during sessions and I did not experience that anymore with the Ts I've had since then.