How to cope between sessions/ overly attached to my T

This is my second month of therapy for PTSD and Dissociation ... stemming from childhood trauma.(Which I don't even have a clear memory of and makes all of this even more confusing)

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My sessions are bizarre and scare me ... I don't feel like myself at all. My T is a very nice older man ... but I worry that I am so attached to him. Why is this?? I have had some bizarre dreams about him that make me feel so uncomfortable. When I go for a session I am fine for the first few minutes then I start to freeze up and find it so hard to focus. And for the first few days after a session I am feel frantic. I had been going weekly but am not able to get into see him next week so it will be 2.5 weeks between sessions. I am finding it very hard ... and am wondering if it is even worth it to continue therapy. Every day I think I should just cancel the remainder of the appointments I have booked. Why am I so attached to a man I don't even know? I have read all about transference and I get it in the literal sense ... but I just don't get why this is happening to me. I also feel like I am stuck to try and digest what was talked about in therapy by myself, which is very hard to do. I just try to focus on my work and family and by the time the kids are in bed I crawl into bed to and just try to forget. Then I wake up at 2am and it's all still there!

SO I guess my questions are ... how do you calm yourself down and cope with not being able to talk with your therapist between therapy sessions? And how do I get over feeling so attached to my therapist? Should I seek a new therapist? (Which to be honest - I don't want to go through that again)

Really appreciate your thoughts on this ... I feel this is going to be my place to come between sessions.

Best,

Shan

Shancan, i know it is difficult starting all over again yet if you feel uncomfortable then an alternate therapist every other week? And then you can compare between the two and see how it works? In the meantime being here and voicing how you feel will help you out tremendously. Journaling is good and exercise like going for a walk and noticing nature helps one heal and take the edge of. tc and blessings

Thanks Omegalamed.
I see a psychiatrist starting in May (Referred through my Doctor). Problem for me is I don't understand why any of this is happening. I have been journalling, meditation, breathing exercises, books on self help, I walk at least an hour every day ... you name it. I am trying it. My T says I am doing to much and to just focus on a few areas that I think I can manage. But I can't help myself ... I need to fix this! It needs to stop.

Attachment to one's therapist is normal...and often, if not always, painful. Everyone's situation is different - some people attach to their therapists early and others may take months to feel the attachment. Therapy is difficult, too, but not impossible to get through. This is your decision, but if I were you, I'd talk to your therapist about your feelings, as hard as that sounds to do. He's heard it all before, so he won't be shocked or judge you. BTW, attachment and transference are two different processes.

I understand what you're going through and I'm sorry you're suffering. Will changing therapists help in the long run? Sounds like you have a good relationship with this man...be sure you don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

There should be more people on the forum in the next few days. Don't make a decision until others have had the chance to give you their thoughts.

Thanks for the reply ... I'm just so mad at this entire situation. And I know my T didn't cause this but I feel like he has stirred it all up and turned it into such a mess! He is well respected and came highly recommended and I opened up to him very easily. Too easily I think. I just don't know what is happening. And no, I don't know the difference between attachment and transference ... from what I read I thought they were the same. Today is just an unbelievably rough day.
I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

I can identify with what you are feeling. With my first T I too felt really stirred up and couldn't sleep, and found that thoughts of my therapy invaded my waking hours. It feels really different with my new therapist. I don't know whether or not you'd be better off changing therapist. For me I definitely was. Therapy wasn't manageable for me with the last one. My old therapist was also highly respected, she was suggested to me by another therapist, but I've come to wonder if other therapists can actually know if someone is a good T. I think only clients can know this. I think it is hard to find a T that can really help you. I think that my ex-T was too close, too in my face, expressed too many of her own opinions, with my new T it is all a lot slower paced and our relationship is developing gradually.

Wow, I've been feeling very similar to you regarding my therapy experience. I too thought I should just cancel my sessions which I did only to contact T a few days later saying I want to come back . I feel attached to my T but angry with her at times too which is similar to how I feel towards my mother. The whole thing has just been really weird and unsettling. I literally think about therapy and my T all the time. I'm not really sure what the answer here is other than to talk to you T about it. I'm going to attempt to do this at my next session; hopefully I won't freeze up halfway through!

Good luck, we can do this!

I was so attached to my ex-T, it was incredibly painful. Therapy took over my life. I believe my hospitalizations, which I'd never been through before, were a direct result of this therapy gone bad. Then he left and it really messed me up. I found a new T and she was not helpful but I stayed with her for 6 months just to protect myself from any attachment with a nice T. I know that sounds dysfunctional but it was all that I could manage.

Now I have a newer T who I think I have some attachment toward, but it's NOTHING like it was with ex-T. So I think it really depends on the T whether or not transference/attachment comes up. I wish I'd left ex-T early on because it wasn't good for me.

I was really attached to ex-T. I'd think about her and my therapy constantly. I have an attachment to current T, but it's not extreme. More like a strong connection. It's nice not obsessing over therapy.

I cope btwn therapy by emailing her when I need to. I also have pictures of her (from the internet). I depended on these more with ex-T than with current T.

I would talk to your T about your feelings before you make the decision to leave him. Maybe he can help.

You say you can't see your T for 2.5 weeks. Does he have a cancellation list you could be on in case he has an unexpected opening?

Therapy is very hard work. Do you feel good about any aspect of your current therapy? If so, perhaps you can focus on what is going well, about what new insight you have about yourself.

He does have a cancellation list but I think I might be better off with the break. Do I feel good about any aspects of therapy? Considering 4 months ago I never would have thought I would have needed it ... The whole fact I'm in therapy pisses me off. I suppose he has been helpful with teaching me relaxation techniques and working on being more mindful. I'm just worried like some others posting here that my attachment will get too strong ... It already freaks me out that I am attached to him!! I suppose I do need to talk to him about it. See how he responds and I feel. I just can't help thinking if I just walk away and give it a month I will start to feel better on my own.

I am very attached to my T and it has been really painful and confusing. One thing that has really helped me recently is I have always had this idolized version of my T in my head and thinking she is like that 24/7 and wanted her to be my parent. A couple of weeks ago we had a phone call that was a rough one. She was tired and not herself and we ended up upsetting each other. It was hard to hear her like that but it showed me that she does have times where she is tired and not herself and does get upset. It showed me that she is human and this version of her that was in my head is not real so I no longer cling to it. I am happy that her role in my life is my therapist. So the transference I had is not as strong. The attachment I have for her is strong because we have a good, healthy relationship and I miss her and our sessions.

To cope between sessions when my attachment is strong because I miss her I listen to our sessions. I record them and its been a very valuable tool for me. Can you record your sessions? I also journal about therapy which helps.

Do you think you can talk to your current T? There may be something he can do so that you don't feel so anxious. I don't know what your situation is...why you're in therapy, so perhaps something about your situation is making your reaction intolerable. I didn't intend to come across as being hard on you, and I apologize if it seemed that way. I tend to be a firm believer that giving the T a chance to help is preferable to simply changing Ts. But if you don't think you can work with this T, by all means, look for another.

The following definitions of attachment and transference are from a forum member here on PC. I hope this information helps:

Attachment is the emotional bond that the client has with the therapist. It can be secure, insecure ambilivant or insecure avoidant. A secure client feels safe in the knowledge the therapist is there for them and is able to experience a close, yet not clingy or overly dependent, bond with them as an important figure with which to do emotional work. but an insecure client generally distrusts the therapist and struggles to retain a sense of them as caring, consistent and there for them. This can be experienced either through clingyness or through avoidance of the emotional bond, shutting off feelings etc.

Transference can heavily influence attachment. It is basically the feelings and experiences and expectations that the client is transfering UPON the therapist from previous relationships. It can be conscious or unconscious, but usually the latter. So if a client experienced previous relationships as rejecting and not meeting their emotional needs, the client will assume or fear the therapist will react the same towards them. This results in an insecure attachment to the therapist.

Thanks for this! I would honestly say I am clingy and over dependant. Which is soooo NOT me. I pride myself in being independent and being able to work through issues on my own. But this has thrown me for a loop. What I thought was stress and medication issues has exploded into childhood trauma and PTSD. And realizing that all these years I have had dissociation (terrible since December with terrible dp/dr.) i have managed to get in to see him today ... My appointment is in an hour and I have done up some notes. Just breath right!!??

Thanks ... Oh and I was not upset by your previous post at all. I was glad for the input.

I hope you are able to tell him all of your feelings. A lot of what you are going through is normal - many become attached to their T's and many have transference. But, it can become unhealthy if your T. does not know how to handle it. My T. claimed to know but ended up making things worse. You won't know whether to stay until you talk to him honestly about it.

It went so well!!!! I wrote it all out before I went in and read it to him at the beginning. (I was shaking, but I did it) He was so great about it. We did an eye switching technique to try release the transference (I think that's how he put it) then we worked on defining my "safe" place and we will work on that again next week with a different variation of EMDR. (I dissociate with EMDR)
I also talked to him about my physical pains I have been having that only get worse when I come to therapy. (Pelvic ache and stomach problems) We talked about whether I would be happier with a female therapist and I honestly don't think I would be. AND I actually left there remembering the whole session and didn't dissociate!
I still feel good ... maybe tonight I will sleep. :-)
Thank you so much for all the support on this!

Good for you!! So glad you were able to communicate with your T, esp. since you were so distressed! I have trouble staying with my T in sessions - that's a big accomplishment.