I've been in therapy for a few months now and I still get flustered before my session.

I'm writing this today because I've started getting butterflies, I get them because I'm nervous about going to therapy. I'm not going until the end of the week but I still find myself getting more nervous as the days go by. My nerves set off my anxiety and going to therapy becomes really difficult. I feel like I have to force myself to go, I have an internal battle with my wills. Only once has my will not go taken over and I haven't gone to therapy, but my T called and we rescheduled for the next day.

This thread ties in with two other threads I've written about disassociation and therapy. I feel like I am becoming a problem to myself. My T mentioned that sometimes when she sees me, it's like there's a part of you already missing.
I have decided that I have to stop hiding behind my hair during therapy, so I'll be wearing it in a pony tail, I'll be trying some grounding techniques people have suggested in the other thread, and I'm going to try and make eye contact more than once. Those three things alone are quite overwhelming to think about, and I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself (I'm hoping to one of each at least once).

I was wondering if, even after a few months, if anyone else still has this anxiety.
The weird thing is I do trust my T, and I do feel safe with her. So I have no idea how I can be confident and happy about my T and the therapy sessions when I'm away from the centre, crippled with anxiety the day of my session and completely shut down during my session. I need a way to train my brain to connect the confident feelings to going to therapy rather than the anxiety, but I don't know how. Any advice is greatly needed and appreciated.

[LesFleursDuMal]

Hi Anglo

I'm sorry I don't really have any advice do give you, but I thought you might want to know that you're not the only one feeling that way. I'm sorry if this is not helping, but I've been seeing my therapist for two years and a half now, and I still feel incredibly anxious the day of my appointment, sometimes it even starts the day before, I can't eat, I can't focus, the only thing I think about is my session. I thought it would pass with time, but it didn't. I still can't really make eye contact either. But my dissociation is not as bad as it used to be, at least most of the time. For more than a year I dissociated almost at every session, my T used to tell me he felt like I was not really there. I'm only telling you this so that you can know it gets better even if it takes a very long time. I guess it's part of the process. You need to use this anxiety, understand where it comes from. Like for me, I'd say it's because of the things that bother me and that I try to block instead of sharing them with my T. Once you understand that, you talk more freely and things get better.

Thank you LesFleursDuMal - it is helpful to know that it's a long process, and that I can in time get there.

Originally Posted by Anglo

I was wondering if, even after a few months, if anyone else still has this anxiety.
The weird thing is I do trust my T, and I do feel safe with her. So I have no idea how I can be confident and happy about my T and the therapy sessions when I'm away from the centre, crippled with anxiety the day of my session and completely shut down during my session. I need a way to train my brain to connect the confident feelings to going to therapy rather than the anxiety, but I don't know how. Any advice is greatly needed and appreciated.

I kind of get this. I certainly still get very very worked up for days before each session, and Im so anxious my legs and hands are shaking as I walk in to the session. I've been seeing him 20 months, and if anything its getting worse. I can't say Im confident and happy with him though. Part of me definitely is, but Im also absolutely fuming at him, sceptical, and just straight out non trusting. There are very few sessions I can remember- just bits and pieces of conversation. Right now I just want to quit altogether, so I definitely don't have any advice Im afraid.

Originally Posted by CassyO

I kind of get this. I certainly still get very very for days before each session, and Im so anxious my legs and hands are shaking as I walk in to the session. I've been seeing him 20 months, and if anything its getting worse. I can't say Im confident and happy with him though. Part of me definitely is, but Im also absolutely fuming at him, sceptical, and just straight out non trusting. There are very few sessions I can remember- just bits and pieces of conversation. Right now I just want to quit altogether, so I definitely don't have any advice Im afraid.

I'm sorry,

[Shancan]

Originally Posted by Anglo

I've been in therapy for a few months now and I still get flustered before my session.

I'm writing this today because I've started getting butterflies, I get them because I'm nervous about going to therapy. I'm not going until the end of the week but I still find myself getting more nervous as the days go by. My nerves set off my anxiety and going to therapy becomes really difficult. I feel like I have to force myself to go, I have an internal battle with my wills. Only once has my will not go taken over and I haven't gone to therapy, but my T called and we rescheduled for the next day.

This thread ties in with two other threads I've written about disassociation and therapy. I feel like I am becoming a problem to myself. My T mentioned that sometimes when she sees me, it's like there's a part of you already missing.
I have decided that I have to stop hiding behind my hair during therapy, so I'll be wearing it in a pony tail, I'll be trying some grounding techniques people have suggested in the other thread, and I'm going to try and make eye contact more than once. Those three things alone are quite overwhelming to think about, and I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself (I'm hoping to one of each at least once).

I was wondering if, even after a few months, if anyone else still has this anxiety.
The weird thing is I do trust my T, and I do feel safe with her. So I have no idea how I can be confident and happy about my T and the therapy sessions when I'm away from the centre, crippled with anxiety the day of my session and completely shut down during my session. I need a way to train my brain to connect the confident feelings to going to therapy rather than the anxiety, but I don't know how. Any advice is greatly needed and appreciated.

Hi! You are so not alone on this. I feel very much the same. I find I have a such a hard time wrapping my head around the whole concept of therapy. And like one of the other posts ... When I do have a session I am lucky to remember even half of it. I am hoping that in the coming weeks ... As I try and be more open with my therapist that maybe it will get better.
Who knew one person could take your mind ... Spin it around a few times and then make it swirl!!! That's what it feels like for me. I think you are in the right track with pushing yourself with small steps ... I am going to try to do the same. ((Hugs)).

[Myrto]

I used to be very anxious before my therapy sessions.
I think after a year I was still anxious. Now it's been two years and I'm relatively calm.
I don't remember how it happened but my anxiety just decreased.
I don't have any advice really, except talk to your therapist about it. For me anxiety just lessened. So perhaps you have to give it some time?

Originally Posted by Shancan

Hi! You are so not alone on this. I feel very much the same. I find I have a such a hard time wrapping my head around the whole concept of therapy. And like one of the other posts ... When I do have a session I am lucky to remember even half of it. I am hoping that in the coming weeks ... As I try and be more open with my therapist that maybe it will get better.
Who knew one person could take your mind ... Spin it around a few times and then make it swirl!!! That's what it feels like for me. I think you are in the right track with pushing yourself with small steps ... I am going to try to do the same. ((Hugs)).

hopefully we'll both get there soon

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I have been seeing my therapist for years and I still get anxiety before sessions. I used to get anxiety because I was nervous about working with her in the beginning but now its due to the intense, difficult topics I am discussing. I think some anxiety before sessions is normal. My anxiety gets a lot better when I am sitting in the room with her. I trust her and feel very safe with her. My T also can see when I am anxious and calms me down with breathing excersises and tells me that I am safe and its safe to talk with her. It works every time.