[retro_chic]

Literally everything sucks right now. I hate everything about myself. I feel so hopeless and alone right now and I hate that I can't email T about it. I miss her so much in between sessions yet I finally see her I completely shut down. I wish I could open up to her and cry during sessions instead of it all spilling out afterwards when I'm alone. I have spent so much time and money over the years trying to fix myself and nothing works. What is the price of happiness? I really don't know how much more I can take.

[stopdog]

Could you write a regular letter and mail it to her office?

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Could you write a regular letter and mail it to her office?

That's a good idea. You might give it a try.

[retro_chic]

I fail to see how the format in which I contact T would make a difference. I'm not really looking for ways to bend T's rules. I was looking for more of a "sorry you're struggling/ I know how you feel kind of response.

But whatever.

[stopdog]

I have no way of knowing what agreement/rules you and the therapist have. You bemoaned a lack of email. I took that as you wanted to write the therapist. There are other ways of writing besides email. Email has problems that writing a letter does not.
That is what I was responding to. I hope others respond the way you want.

[retro_chic]

If no one has any support to offer, could someone at least tell me how to delete a thread? I'm on my phone and I can't seem to figure out how to do it.

[justdesserts]

I'm sorry you're struggling and missing your therapist. It's such a difficult place to be in to feel alone and not to be able to reach out. I am so sorry you're hurting so much.

[Bill3]

It sounds like right now you are blaming yourself. You've tried and tried and yet it seems like nothing that you try ever works, not even trying to open up a bit to T. And so you feel hopeless and alone. It is sort of like you are crying out "What do I need to do, how much more do I have to take?" It sounds like you are being tempted to give up, to stop sinking time and money into trying to get better.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by justdesserts

I'm sorry you're struggling and missing your therapist. It's such a difficult place to be in to feel alone and not to be able to reach out. I am so sorry you're hurting so much.

Thank you for your reply - I really appreciate it.

Also, I'm sorry everyone for giving such attitude before. I am just in the worst mood and ugghhh... Sorry. I had the worst sleep last night but somehow managed to pull myself together and go to work this morning so hopefully things will improve.

[AnxiousGirl]

I totally get how you feel. Ive been seeing my T for nearly two years and Ive yet to cry.

I lost a family member while seeing T and pretended like I was perfectly fine in the office, only to come home and cry myself to sleep.
I went through major anxiety for the past month and had to go to the ER and take a leave off school, yet pretending like I was find in the office, only to come home and cry for hours.
Right now my T and I are going to work on exposure for a lot of fears I have and I still pretend like I'm fine and then come home and cry.

It sucks not being able to show how you really feel in the office even when you want to SO badly ! Sometimes I get the urge to cry, then for some reason smile instead. It's so weird and it sucks.

[annielovesbacon]

I totally get that feeling... when I am between sessions (which is always too long) all I can think about is what I want to tell my T but when I finally see her I clam up and don't tell her anything...

[retro_chic]

Thanks everyone for your replies!

I am feeling quite a bit better now. I think having work as a distraction was good for me. I was planning to start tapering off my meds this week (they're not doing anything other than make me sweat) however I have made the executive decision to postpone that until I'm more "stable". I don't like the idea of taking something when it's not helping but there is no way I could deal with withdrawals on top of all this!

I am going to ask my T if she can recommend a Pdoc. I'm sick of seeing GPs who don't seem to give a $@&! about their patients and have no clue about mental health whatsoever.

I'm so sorry . It might help to journal your feelings and bring the journal with you next time.

We all express ourselves very differently - you may need to experiment to find a way that works better.

[DelusionsDaily]

retro...I totally get it. I used to feel that way to the extreme. I'm really not sure the secret to happiness...I think it is different for everyone, but it is possible. Don't give up. Maybe keep a journal of the stuff you'd email T and take it in and discuss what you believe to be the important stuff. That's what I would do early on and it really helped keep the shutting down at bay. Before that I would just freeze and not know what to talk about or remember how I felt.