Do you think a therapist can only take a client as far as they have been themselves?

Argo, you are fantastic. I hope the people in your life tell you that on a regular basis.

Gosh, you're making me blush!

I think you're pretty swell, too. Always enjoy your posts!

1) I now kind of want to have a session where I sit and colour dolphins. I might run it by my T. Maybe she'd sit and color with me.

2) Geez MLS. I don't know if it exactly constitutes a dual relationship but it sounds like your T is trying to also be your professor. Not a teacher in the mere sense of someone who facilitates learning, but someone who actually critiques and grades you.

3) Not only does she critique and grade you, she finds you wanting.

4) In finding you wanting, she fails to extend unconditional positive regard.

5) How will you learn to extend unconditional positive regard as a therapist if you have not experienced it? She is failing as a teacher in neglecting to give you what you need to become a therapist.

6) If you can't do it for yourself, can you picture a future client who desperately needs your unconditional positive regard? Can you think of the needs of that hypothetical client (pretend they're me maybe) as you find yourself a T who can help you learn this attitude by example?

7) I just do not have any words for the inappropriate prurient prying about CSA. Does she get a feather in her cap if you talk about CSA to her satisfaction? It sounds like she's basically telling you that you'll never be any good at your chosen profession unless she gets to see you cry/barf/whatever while disclosing the gory details of your abuse.

8) To me that sounds like abuse in its own right.

I think it's true that they can't inspire anything beyond what they can comprehend for themselves (for some I've seen, that range is pretty limited for what they charge).

Mostly, I think they know some things that the client doesn't know or can't see--either because they've studied it or, in rare cases, they have lived it—and they aren't involved emotionally so they can have a different perspective that can be helpful.

A therapist should do everything she/he can to get their act together enough to keep from screwing up a client. But beyond that, I don't think they are super evolved or anything.

I so want to color dolphins with my T now.

The work is never finished. It is process. A Therapist who can look at themselves clearly and willing to take credit for counter-transference problems in the dyad is essential. This is the key to doing your own work before and while working with clients.

I see alot of anger in your post, is this situation bringing up something for you? It may be good to look at transference. Who does this T remind you of? What do you feel when you are with this T, have you had these feeling before?

Whether a T has experienced a specific situation may not be necessary for connection. The ability to Empathize is.

Very nicely put. Thanks for this.

I think this is directed at me. And thanks for bringing it up. These are important questions to consider.

I think what bothers me so much about what MLS relates about her therapist and therapy is that these are the things I really, truly did not want to happen in my therapy. Particularly when it comes to CSA, I was terrified that I would have this therapeutic narrative thrust on me where the most painful aspects of my experience were the “real work” that must be excised in order for therapy to be of any use. That--to adapt what Favorite Jeans so succinctly said—I’d never be any good at therapy or life unless the therapist got to see me cry/barf/whatever while disclosing all the gory details of the abuse and the marks it left.

Now, if this—or something like it—has worked for other people in their own therapy, hey, great. I’m happy for them. I just think one should be able to choose one’s own narrative, choose how intense one will allow things to get, and have those choices be respected as legitimate (“real.”)

So, yeah, MLS’s situation hit a nerve because having a therapist tell me that I wasn’t doing “real work” unless I was discussing CSA was a fear of mine. It makes me defensive. It feels voyeuristic.

To my immense relief and surprise, my therapist did not (and does not) do this. Blessedly, he knows when to shut the **** up and let me color my ****ing dolphin.

She is very aggressive like you said in getting to the CSA, forcing it and guilt tripping me into disclosing and then guilt tripping me into feeling guilty for not reporting it. T asked me straight out on our first session if I had been abused. I should have listened to my gut then and never went back. Here I am 2.5 years later still with her! I would like t to be less active and listen more

Agreed 100%

I believe most ts can distinguish when they are too vulnerable to see clients but there are a few who have no personal insight which can Beverly dangerous to their clients.

Thank you for this FJ, I have been feeling abused and unworthy after leaving sessions with her. She basically tells me I won't ever be good enough unless I complete the training she did. I told her last week she knows nothing about how I work with clients and it's none of her business.
Thankfully I have had other therapists over the years and in fairness I have progressed more with her but maybe the other ts did all the hard work first. I believe I have learned how not to do therapy with her.
My training is mostly person centred so I do believe everyone should have unconditional positive regard no matter who they are or their circumstances. I don't believe in bullying or shaming someone to move them along, we never push someone past their self support or further than they are ready. T works differently to me which will obviously cause clashes but usually we can resolve them. This time it's different. I feel she has pushed me too far this time.


I agree, we have training and skills but what does that matter is you are still an *********!
Empathy is the most important factor for me in my own therapy because itv was something I was lacking growing up


I am sorry my situation / post triggered you
I am doing my work which is different for everyone. I think me and t are on different journeys

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