Struggling to remember session today

I want to reflect on my session today and process it but I can hardly remember most of it . A lot of overwhelming things came up for me and I completely shut down and shut out my emotions. I remember checking my watch and thinking "OMG I can't believe there's still 15 mins to go". I remember bits and pieces but it's all jumbled up and I can't make a lot of sense out of it.

I get this really weird feeling when I get overwhelmed during session. It's like everything goes "fuzzy". The fuzziness starts out in my peripheral vision and starts to narrow inwards. It's not like blurred vision either it's really hard to describe but it has a more "all over" feeling than just a vision thing. I'm assuming this is some sort of dissociation symptom but I'm really not sure.

A tape recorder was my most important tool in therapy...with my therapist blessing, of course.

Just the thought of listening to my own voice is enough to make me cringe!

My therapist writes and takes constant notes. I get a copy of them.

I've dissociated many times in therapy. After appointments its a bit scary trying to piece together what happened. Sort of like after a bender. I'm able to maintain conversations in a dissociated state and pretty sure it's not obvious to people I'm conserving with.

Better to discuss with your therapist!

My T does't really take notes (or at least she doesn't take the during the session) she has her notepad and pen ready but I have never seen her write anything down except for in the first session.

I'm going to ask my T to give me a quick run down of what we discussed during our next session - I'm sure her memory is much better than mine! I am pretty sure it is obvious to T when I'm not present. One part of our discussion that I do remember was when I said I kind of block out all my emotions during sessions and she said something like how it has become such a "good" defence mechanism that I can't talk and think properly because I am so focused on blocking things out. Anyway it will be good to talk about that in more detail because there was more to the conversation that I can't remember so yeah... hopefully T will be able to help me!

Do any of you get weird physical sensations like the "fuzziness" I was talking about?

In my most recent session, my legs went tingly and got cold. Dissociation can cause all sorts of odd physical sensations.

I dissociate during session too. My T is careful not to cover too much ground while I'm "away" if she can help it. I've found that she seems to need to say the same things over and over with me, in a slightly different way, even when I'm not dissociating. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Work on doing better while at the same time not beating yourself up about how you've been coping. (That's the essence of what she's had to say to me eight or so times...that i can remember.)

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I get the fuzziness, too. I get all sorts of weird perceptual disturbances! Sometimes things seem really bright, or parts of the room (and parts of T, like his head) will be bright while everything else fades into the background. Often T seems closer or further away than he really is, like I've grown or shrunk in comparison to the room. It's not unusual for me to feel like I'm in an elevator that has dropped suddenly--not quite dizzy, but somehow like I am falling.

I also, of course, get the memory gaps. When I not ice I'm blanking out, we stop and get me to come back, but often it happens without me realizing it. I tend to fret about it and get worried that I'm not remembering enough. T generally shrugs and says what we're talking about is rattling around in my brain, even if I don't remember it.

Then you cringe...deal with it, and move on.I don't mean this to be flip. It may be a whole lot easier to learn to deal with the sound of your voice, than the aftermath of what you deal with now after sessions, even if another issue is asking your therapist permission. I've read that people get "use" to recording and hearing themselves on recordings. I've never read on this forum that taping affected anyone negatively if they were doing it on the up and up. IMO.

Yeah, I used to get the checking out, fuzziness, overwhelm, etc. I'd often walk away from a session not having a clue as to what went on. I also because focused and worried about these blocks out so that made it all even worse. I finally decided to try taking notes myself. Not in detail but just enough to help me remember things later on. It helped me a lot not only for the obvious reasons but also because note taking brought in something better for me to focus on -- listening and note taking.

Anyway, know you are not alone! I hope you can find something that helps you. Does your t do anything to try and bring you back? Or can she?

I have 'checked out" in session, like the one she told me she was leaving. When that happens I don't remember anything that is said. I record my sessions and have for almost a year and that has been the most helpful. I hate hearing my voice but having my sessions I can always listen to and reflect on is worth it to me. Plus my T's voice is very calming and reassuring and it helps to hear it when things are tough.

I get the brightness thing, too, and things seem out of focus. I never thought about dissociation. How do people bring this topic up to their Ts to help them out?