Projective Identification and Acting Out

Apparently I've perfected projective identification according to my pdoc. He says I make him hurt and he doesn't like to hurt. I looked it up, but I'm not sure what to do with it. And my T says we need to work on my acting out. I tend to get majorly paniced like my very survival is at stake and then I act. And apparently the projective identification pushes people away because I'm making them feel what I feel and I'm very intense and have a lot of pain this continues my cycle of belief that I will be abandoned because people will leave me.

With the whole possibility of lossing my pdoc and finding another one I made a statement in an email that the office was trying to kill me and they didn't care if I died. The pdoc at my meeting yesterday said that my emails were crazy (and I admit they were - but that was my reality at the time even if it was an overreaction it was still true) and that no one was trying to kill me. He said he had been a bad pdoc and we need to work on my splitting so much.

Had a really good session going over my fears because of this with T today. Basically things like this make me feel/believe that my very life is in danger - even that it is being threatened by outside forces/people. We also talked about how I fear loss. I told her about how it hurts when someone shows that they care or love me and we discussed how I felt that it was temporary and perhaps undeserved and that it could be taken away. When people are nice to me - well, more than nice, when they do something that shows they care, I am really touched and grateful to be getting crumbs from the table, but someday I'd like to be at the table. (This is a bible analogy I was using.)

Anyways - lots of just rambling. Anyone else been accused of acting out or projective identification?

hi WinterRose - nope can't say i've ever been accused of that...but sounds like a pretty neat trick! i wish i could make people feel a little of what i feel.

i have the exact opposite problem - i just shut down and become silent. then i'm just overlooked. i've been accused of playing possum - but i don't think we'll find that in any psych books!

hey. yeah, i use projective identification. only... that isn't quite right. i project. the identification part of that is what the OTHER person does with what it is that i have projected. just like how i find myself projecting... they find themself identifying... projecting is a way of communicating. people feel understood when their is syncronisation of emotion. if i'm feeling pain... and another person 'catches' some of my pain... then i feel less alone with my pain. projecting is a way of communicating.

sounds like your p-doc has trouble coping with your projections. that doesn't give you much confidence in your ability to handle what is being projected. i mean, if he is having trouble dealing with his identification then what hope is there for you being able to deal with it. sigh.

acting out... could be viewed as a communication strategy also. if he was a little better at conveying empathetic understanding for your emotional state... then he might find that you didn't need to project and / or act out quite so much... interesting...

Thanks for the notes on this stuff Alexandra - I was hoping you'd respond because you know more about these things.

gostryter - I'm starting to feel guilty about casting my pain on others and spreading it around. Maybe you and I could meet in the middle.

The thing is that the projective identification stuff happens intensley in therapy for me, but is withheld in the 'real' world so that no one knows anything of what I'm truely going through - or very rarely. I've gotten better (or worse) at breaking down and crying in public more often, but people don't often notice - still hiding. Pdoc still isn't sending me away, but he worries that my projective identification and intensity is pushing others away and keeping people from wanting to get close to me. I guess I need to find another side of myself - it's the only thing I seem to have to share sometimes. He's worried that I'm perpetuating a cycle of rejection and abandonment in my life. And he wants me to know what I'd doing and what effect it has on him (and I guess in that vein he assumes on others.)

The acting out goes EVERYWHERE. I go insane and send off faxes and emails and make phone calls and just become emotionally irrational all over the place. But who can blame you when you're acting under the panic that you're going to die if no one helps you or if something gets taken away and you're trying to get help or attention. T says I shouldn't send the fax or the email, etc, but wait. But I told her that sending it out is a release for me and helps. So what happens I wonder if I don't - (she says we talk about it instead) - but in that moment, what would happen? I think I'd loose my hold on reality and completely break down. I mean I'm not far away from it in that state anyways.

I'm just glad the three week horror is over and things have settled out for me right now and I can feel normal. I'm so behind in life though because everything went on hold while I was waiting on my pdoc appointment due to the trauma of possibly losing him.

okee-dokee....we can meet in the middle!

so hmmm....have you told T that you're very different in the real world than in therapy? maybe there's just something about therapy that brings that side of you out more?

& i'm with you on the faxes 'n emails! why shouldn't you have sent them. are they or are they not providing a service? they should be held accountable.

my only suggestion might be that (and i don't know that this is the case) sometimes in the heat of the moment we write things a little too harshly or use language we shouldn't, etc.

maybe try writing the email and waiting 30 minutes...reread it and edit if needed...? just a thought (that's saved me a lot of grief at work on more than one occassion!!)