[rep97]

So today was my 3rd session with my therapist. I didn't know what to say so I forced myself to talk about my childhood. But therapy doesn't seem to work for me.

I have been to a lot of therapists and know my traumas and I have talked about my traumas with different therapists and just talking about doesn't help it seems.

Although I haven't talked about my traumas to this therapist and I am dreading it cuz I feel it is such a sensitive topic that I might re-traumatize myself.

So how many sessions before you decide this is not the right fit etc. .. cuz I find it very hard to come up with stuff to talk about.. or maybe I am just out of words? But I know I have unresolved trauma.

[Argonautomobile]

Sorry things aren't going so well right now. I hope they get better for you soon.

Three sessions seems very early on to me, but I don't have a lot of experience in this area (only ever seen the one T). I liked him well enough within three sessions, but it took me about six months to develop enough rapport and trust to talk about traumatic experiences.

When I had a hard time coming up with things to talk about, I just asked myself "Why am I even here?" (here in therapy, not in the existential sense) The answer, however vague, usually helped me find something to say. Maybe ask yourself the same?

Good luck.

[annielovesbacon]

There is definitely a difference between a therapist not working for you and therapy itself not working for you (or seeming like it's not working for you). Ask yourself if your therapist does (or doesn't do) things that bug you: interrupt you, not take you seriously, not keep therapy moving forward, etc. If you find the answers to these questions to be that your therapist is not satisfying you then, yes, find a new therapist.
But sometimes it can seem like therapy is not working. Especially if this is only your third session. I know it personally took me a few sessions to kind of "get the hang" of therapy... I'm better now at knowing what to talk about and how to get the most out of my sessions, but at first I had a really hard time.
That said, therapy is not for everyone. I personally believe that just about anyone can get something out of therapy if they find the right therapist and type of therapy. But it's possible that for you personally therapy isn't right. I don't know anything about your situation so I couldn't tell you if that's true for you or not.
I wish you the best of luck!

[rep97]

Originally Posted by annielovesbacon

There is definitely a difference between a therapist not working for you and therapy itself not working for you (or seeming like it's not working for you). Ask yourself if your therapist does (or doesn't do) things that bug you: interrupt you, not take you seriously, not keep therapy moving forward, etc. If you find the answers to these questions to be that your therapist is not satisfying you then, yes, find a new therapist.
But sometimes it can seem like therapy is not working. Especially if this is only your third session. I know it personally took me a few sessions to kind of "get the hang" of therapy... I'm better now at knowing what to talk about and how to get the most out of my sessions, but at first I had a really hard time.
That said, therapy is not for everyone. I personally believe that just about anyone can get something out of therapy if they find the right therapist and type of therapy. But it's possible that for you personally therapy isn't right. I don't know anything about your situation so I couldn't tell you if that's true for you or not.
I wish you the best of luck!

I asked myself those questions you posted in your post and the answer was negative. He is listening to me etc.

BUT

I find him intimidating. He is shorter than me and an older person but I still find him intimidating.. like if I talked about my traumas... I would feel re-traumatized since I find him intimidating and not trusting him.

Big dilemma.. yeah sucks.

[Merecat]

What's made you decide to go into therapy just now? You say you have unresolved trauma but unless it's causing you difficulties in your day to day life, it may be resolved *enough* of that makes sense? There's nothing to say that therapy is the only, or even the best, way to resolve issues, now may not be the right time for you or he might not be the right person. If there are things just now bringing you back to therapy, talking about those might be a good starting point, that discussion may lead you to deeper issues, the trauma you referred to or not - it's your choice.

What makes you feel like you need to delve into your past or into traumatic stuff - it's not always necessary or even beneficial but if you feel you do need to, then finding the right person is important.

[here today]

How do you feel about maybe discussing with him the fact that you find him intimidating? Might be a real world here-and-now issue that you could get some clarity on and overcome? Even if part of the reason is related to your past traumas, overcoming something in the here and now might help with that, seems like.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by rep97

So today was my 3rd session with my therapist. I didn't know what to say so I forced myself to talk about my childhood. But therapy doesn't seem to work for me.

I have been to a lot of therapists and know my traumas and I have talked about my traumas with different therapists and just talking about doesn't help it seems.

Although I haven't talked about my traumas to this therapist and I am dreading it cuz I feel it is such a sensitive topic that I might re-traumatize myself.

So how many sessions before you decide this is not the right fit etc. .. cuz I find it very hard to come up with stuff to talk about.. or maybe I am just out of words? But I know I have unresolved trauma.

Have all your previous Ts done only talk therapy with you? If so, maybe you should find a T who does EMDR or SE. Somatic experiencing (SE) is a method of resolving trauma without retraumatizing yourself. Same with EMDR, I think. My T told me I had years of talk therapy which didn't help. We talk a lot about what I'm experiencing in my body and how to move to release trauma.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by rep97

So today was my 3rd session with my therapist. I didn't know what to say so I forced myself to talk about my childhood. But therapy doesn't seem to work for me.

I have been to a lot of therapists and know my traumas and I have talked about my traumas with different therapists and just talking about doesn't help it seems.

Although I haven't talked about my traumas to this therapist and I am dreading it cuz I feel it is such a sensitive topic that I might re-traumatize myself.

So how many sessions before you decide this is not the right fit etc. .. cuz I find it very hard to come up with stuff to talk about.. or maybe I am just out of words? But I know I have unresolved trauma.

I'm not an old pro at therapy, but three sessions seems a little early to decide therapy isn't working for you. There is a rhythm to therapy, which can seem frustrating in the beginning. If you can't think of things to say about yourself right now, tell your therapist that you feel a little intimidated by him. That's the type of thing therapists need to know. What is it about him that intimidates you? How loudly he speaks? His general demeanor? You should know what it is about him that intimidates you so that the two of you can have a conversation about it. Does he remind you of someone in your life? It's a little early, but it's possible that you're already experiencing transference with this therapist (transferring feelings of intimidation about a person in your life onto this therapist).

It's always your decision to change therapists, but you mentioned that you've talked to other therapists before and it didn't seem to help. How long did you stay with each of the other therapists? Is it possible that you're expecting too much too soon? I wish more therapists explained what real therapy was about; getting to know one another, developing trust, building a relationship. Your post sounded a little like you expected to sit down and tell a therapist that you've experienced trauma, you'll tell the therapist what the trauma was, and you'd feel better. You can certainly do that, but you probably won't get anything out of therapy.

There are many people on this forum who can help you understand how therapy usually goes, but I think that's a question for your therapist. He's the one you're going to be telling your story to, with the hope that he can help you heal. I wish you luck as you work to figure out what you want to do.

[annielovesbacon]

Originally Posted by rep97

I asked myself those questions you posted in your post and the answer was negative. He is listening to me etc.

BUT

I find him intimidating. He is shorter than me and an older person but I still find him intimidating.. like if I talked about my traumas... I would feel re-traumatized since I find him intimidating and not trusting him.

Big dilemma.. yeah sucks.

In that case... He still might not be the right therapist for you. It may not be his fault but that doesn't mean you still can't switch therapists. Finding a good fit for a therapist is a combination of a lot of factors - of course the therapist has to be good, but also not intimidating, trustworthy, etc. Personalities need to mesh.