The Couch - CXII : The Tao of Couchies

Is this the sort of thing you might contact the therapist for? I ask because the second one I see used to tell me each week to call her if it might be useful in dealing with certain situations.

Hey thanks for thinking of me! All IS well; ive just been lurking; listening to good advice instead of giving bad advice. Its easier for me to not open my big mouth if i stay logged off! Its interesting watching how things progress without me getting in the way or steering things off on some weird tangent. But i owe CE a few 's! Carry on my wayward sons .

Ex H - I am glad you are okay. After the time you were hospitalized for a bit, one becomes concerned.

You weren't too late

I ended up having a painful but good session. I was already mourning losing her "as though we have to say goodbye now rather than in 1 year's time" as I tried to calmly bring up termination.

Migrating is going to be so hard, I told T. Even if I'm leaving my abusive and neglectful parents behind, I feel so unworthy of a chance at building a life worth living. I've seen myself as my younger brother's "mother" for so many years too...

So many tangled and messy things that'll no doubt be fodder for therapy in future sessions!

And couch, omg my T (who does ACT, DBT and schema therapy) told me she didn't have a treatment plan when I asked if she had one!!

The two I see have not admitted to having any clear plan or idea of how therapy goes either.

Dang, I was hoping mine had a plan, though not a rigidly structured one.

I like unaluna-esque weird tangents. Such are the spices of life.

And who else is a worthy foil for SD?

I didn't respond to this earlier. I'm sory about that. Thank you for your supportive post, I appreciated it very much.

But no, I cannot possibly feel safe on the couch. It is unsafe for two main reasons: the first is external, all the public boards at PC are more public than most places online, as this place is designed to get as much exposure as possible; the second is internal, in that I have experience from posting inappropriately personal things here and having them deservedly put down, and I'm not making myself vulnerable in that way again. And there is no reason why I would - the only person in the world who has any actual interest in how I feel is getting paid for it, after all, and anybody else who is exposed to my opinions or feelings might tolerate the experience out of kindness, but would be happier if they were spared it. (Case in point: when I do post about something vaguely related to my emotions, the only response I get is about my shoes - I appreciated that response but I know I should not have posted the first part at all.)

Also, no, I'm not really human. I keep having that confirmed, over and over. I share some traits with humans but like Morrissey, "I've got no right to take my place with the human race". (Hmm, time to listen to The Smiths, I think...)

I'm also good at writing convoluted sentences. It's my superpower.

My T has a treatment plan but it is written in very general terms. I haven't seen it but I know it exists - he is legally required to have one and I asked about it once, and he told me roughly what it says. He has prescribed medication for me in the past and for that he also needed a treatment plan, but again I imagine it was mostly on the lines of "check whether it works and if not, discontinue over a period of x weeks".

Fun fact of the day: having your own personal troll harassing you online is actually even less pleasant than it sounds. (This is not something that's happening on PC but on an entirely different website, not a discussion forum nor anything related to mental health - I suspect that the person in question is slightly deranged in some way, or at least completely lacking in empathy.)

The reason I didn't say anything about your emotions in that post is because I though there was nothing wrong with you posting the information. I commented on the shoes because everyone else did, and I wanted to say it was okay to do that. I would love to listen to you. Just PM me is you need someone to talk to! I may not be able to help, but I can certainly listen.

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My psychologist says he is using CBT on me.

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I'm sorry that's happening to you. I've left forums because of trolls. People use Internet anonymity to do things they're too chicken to do in person.

That is so true. In this case, it is really bad. However, I sometimes use the Internet for things I am too chicken to do I person. Like actually tell people what is going on, because they don't care. Or talking to people I don't know to get to know them. Being on here is nice, and I feel I can do that. But the Internet can be awful sometimes!!!!

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Heading home from vacation.. Roughly 7-8 more hours of driving ahead of us.. I am fighting the urge to email t and tell him I am pissed at him. I emailed him yesterday morning for an earlier an appointment this week, so I could tell him in person. It's probably all very irrational.

Safe travels, healed!

I don't know what my t's 'treatment plan' was in the past, I assume she had something of one but she is so much about the therapeutic relationship that she might not have. I don't think she has one now either, other than to keep saying that "we're not doing therapy anymore" at least this last time she defined it a little "You don't need therapy anymore, we are facilitating your individuation process" or something along those lines. (ETA: Of course internally I am screaming "Yes I do!! Are you not here at the same time as me?" relating to that intense period of neediness/maternal transference that I just went through again.)

So with this dry socket thing, I'm making the switch to vegetarian. The only things I can eat right now are grits, cream of wheat, yogurt, mashed potatoes, very mushy cooked broccoli, hummus on bread with the crusts cut off... oh and as an added bonus, I quit drinking soda 2 weeks ago and have no urge to go back to it at all. Perhaps this tooth fiasco was a gift in disguise from the universe so's I'll finally start eating healthy.... I got on the scale this morning and I've lost 8 lbs since the tooth was pulled.

Does she actually use words like "facilitating your individuation process"?

I knew from the first time I read about how children are born (and made), at age five or so, that I would never want to put myself through that. It is one choice I have stuck to, and I am very grateful about it. I don't deal well with physical pain at all.

In other news, today's lunch was pickled herring, sour cream with chives, potatoes, and schnapps. Because it is Walpurgis and the start of spring and all that. Still not warm enough to sit outside and eat though - some years it is, but not today.

She does... sometimes she overestimates my intelligence and I sit there like

I woke up this morning and after some quick math realized it had been 11 hours since I took a pain pill. My mouth does not hurt. I hope this means the healing is back on track!

omg, it took me a minute that you meant "ex-hankster" instead of "ex-husband," and i was all like "SD was married to a man once!?!" Not that it isn't possible, or could be true, i just never got that sentiment from you! haha.
yes! love that smiley. I do want to say that i remember that post that you wrote, and i felt sad that you were feeling bad, but absolutely NOTHING about how what you wrote about your feelings was wrong or bad, it barely said anything! I do understand the fear of forums being public, though you have never given any sort of identifying info. I also think most people are too absorbed in themselves to try and uncover anymous identities online. If any of my friends or my T read these boards with great interest, they would know who I am...but I know no one would. It is only I that has the interest in therapy, no one else.
Agreed 1,000%. If you ever feel the need to share, you can always PM me!

For me, those phrases are simply buzzwords. Using those terms isn't a sign of intelligence - being able to speak in a way that means something to the person you're talking to, is. (IMNAAHO, that is.)

I'm scared.

Ok, ive learned a LOT of shorthand over the years online...but this one!

In My Not ... .... Humble Opinion?

i'm sorry. of what?