The Couch - CXII : The Tao of Couchies

You ok, Darknessforever?

Trolls suck. I've been targeted before and made the subject of an entire troll forum...

Hugs if you want! There's something good about you that the troll wants to destroy.

Hugs if you want!! ((Hug))

Last night, the father and the mother denied me dinner. Had to watch as my portion was cleared away.

My crime was not obeying them instantly and raising my voice volume (so they could hear me).

I went out to eat.

Clinging to my T's homework of "Self care everyday, every hour."

I was trying to go to sleep but had to get back up because all I could do was lay there and look at the ceiling and think about t today. It was the 2nd time (today and last week) that she tried to get me to talk about what's going on between us, what's causing this push-pull stuff in me, she even asked if I was angry with her, and I couldn't. Again. And now I'm firmly entrenched in therapy hangover land, and can't go to sleep. So I'm back on the computer. All I could do when she was looking at me that way she does that feels like she's seeing into my soul, was tell her to stop looking at me like that. I usually look at her when we talk. But I hardly did at all today. Mostly I looked out the window, at the sand play shelves, at her dog.... anywhere but at her... in my own defense the window was open and the birds were kinda distracting... but mostly I didn't want to look at her. I so wish I could understand this.

Well I'm going to try going back to bed. I'm tired and need to sleep. Night couch.

QM, I'm so sorry to hear you are being abused like that. Good on you for getting food for yourself. Hugs!

Thank you, that is such a nice thing for me to hear. I am surprised at how rationally I deal with it, to be honest. Maybe it is because the person is so obviously a troll, there is no way they could be an innocent misunderstood individual. And all other users of the site are very quick in removing the troll posts, and admins are quick to block their accounts so I get that practical support and don't have to argue about it. Similar things have been happening to me in the past on a smaller scale at that site and sometimes it has really upset me to the point of considering leaving... but not now.

Could I please have some pocket riders for my T appt in 16 hours time. I am in a panic and can't stop sweating and really dreading this. I will need to talk about the feelings about my brother which overwhelmed me to such a degree I just about stopped functioning for a few days. I have drawn some pictures to try and help but i am uncertain as to what they mean.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.

QM sounds like great self care, keep it up.

I will be there, BY. I will probably be asleep but I will definitely ride with you.
Do you have any strategy for getting through the hours until then?

*hops in your pocket*

Thank you Crocus and BunYip for the kind words, they helped me a bit in refraining from SH.

I'm glad you have practical support from the admins and other users. Trolls, scum of the internet.

I am about to start a series of Doc Martin marathon ( a marathon for me is about 2 hours) then I will take my night meds and try to sleep. I haven't had a lot coffee today which helped with the panic and also my sleep, hopefully.

And I have half a bottle of gin.

((QuietMind))

That sucks.

Yeah. It was just not the best of nights. I'm used to those nights, but they still suck when I get them. I appreciate the concern!

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I will. Good luck!

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Just bent down to pick something up. When I did, pain shot through my back. I can't bend over now, or breathe in too deeply, or it hurts. Gah. That's awful. It sends fire down my back.

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So we will just put that yoga class I just did on the "very bad for rotator cuff, do not try again" list. I didn't realize how much pain it was going to cause until it was too late. I hate my shoulders. I need surgery but I don't know how I can manage it

(((QM)))

Hopping in, BY

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(((BB)))

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And (((DF)))

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I am rewatching an old gay movie -All Over the Guy - and the scenes where the one guy's psychiatrist parents are teaching him about sex are quite funny in how clueless they are and how awful it is for the kid. I haven't seen this movie in a few years - the scenes with the parents always make me laugh. Andrea Martin plays one of the mothers and I really think she is funny.

How do you know people care about you? I'm feeling so lonely right now! Sometimes I just feel so worthless...

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i only seriously dated one boy in HS, and one guy for about a month or two after college. that was 13 years ago, and am still a virgin. i feel like an alien in the dating pool.
Good god, parents can be so effing awful. I really wish there was a parenting requirement somehow. All parents need to pass some sort of course before they give birth.