Couch 113 - Sofa, So Good

Well h said he will get the right kind of insurance on his car, it costs $50 a week but that's worth my peace of mind. But he wants me to take that financial peace university course, because he said it will help me control money instead of letting it control me. I have no problem doing that. Maybe i already shared that last night i forgot. I need to figure out what i said last night to him that helped it be a productive convo. I feel like i was different but can't quite pinpoint how.

Hugs going out to those who want them.

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True. Sorry if I came across as overly critical Reading nooks are good, and I approve of them.

Right now I'm in a rather tiny hotel room which will serve pretty well as a reading nook for the next two days I think. It makes me think of the "safety" stuff I mentioned a day or two ago... I'm alone in a small room with thick walls (the building is from a time when they built more sturdily) and when my door is locked nobody can reach me or get to me. OK, so I still have contact with the outside world through the Internets and my phone, but still, I do feel safe and more relaxed than I have done for some time.

Yeah. I do pretty good at forgetting that, as well. But, at the same time, no one knows who you are, and those here might appreciate or get answers from something we said. But it's weird that I am thinking about it now...

No, you weren't overly critical. I appreciate hearing everyone opinions on the couch! Let's me think of things I had not originally though of!

Wow, nice to know how much our members care about us who answer the phones. I had just answered a call earlier when our emergency sirens went off. They are LOUD, i am sure he could hear them i told him we have an emergency i have to hang up and leave the building and he said NO! Don't you dare! My sup was right behind me as i told him again and she said loud enough for him to hear "hang up! We have to go NOW!" so i hung up. Turns out it was a drill but i guess they didn't even tell the sups it was gonna happen. Stupid members. Smh

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I am becomingly increasingly convinced of the existence of a gargantuan, top-secret, and unbelievably effective Nutella cabal in high places.

In other words, the Illuminati of spreadable "foods."

Whew another week under my belt and I'm wiped. I'm going to lay here like a slug, run the a/c, and chill for a minute. Dinner is on the oldest tonight, and slim pickings in the fridge. I've got to do a big shop on payday!

T hasn't responded to me and I feel like I screwed up with yesterday. I wish I just knew everything was okay.

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T said to me today, until I am able to find value or worth in myself, it will be hard for me to heal from my trauma. My questions is, how do I find that value or worth?

An example, because I have done this, I don't have the right to ask H to do that for me.. and t things I should be able to say, H I need you to do this, even though I do the other thing because I am worth getting my needs meet in all areas of life.

I am pretty sure I suck at life.

I'm sorry you feel that way. Hugs, healed. All the hugs you need.

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I'm sure he will respond soon, Ellahmae.

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Not on Fridays. Her pattern.

Don't you hate that flash of Deja vu where you are not quite sure whether anything is real or imagined?

Maybe not today. But eventually. I hope she answers you soon.

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My oldest piece of my heart graduated from junior college today!! He is 19 and out to make an amazing life for himself and his fiancé. It is so blowing me away how merciless time is.

I feel so blessed and I'm hoping and praying my younger (piece of my heart) finds motivation and has an awakening event. I've tried all that I can do. My belief is that it's in Gods hands. I trust him!!

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No news is good news? Or at least neutral news? Especially if she doesn't respond on Fridays.

Oh, no. I LOVE that you went and spent an 1-1:30 upstairs watching my sister play games! It's not like I asked you to watch a movie with me a day or two ago. But that was a school night. You needed to spend time with dad. Wow. Way to make me feel important. I know she (my sister) is messed-up, and she needs a lot of attention, but don't I need attention too? This is the most my heart has felt torn in a long time. I know now why I hated my emotions to begin with. I don't want them. No happiness is better than feeling this horrible sickness called life.

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Start by making a list of worth and value you see in other people. Then see how many of these you can apply to yourself.

She responded. Not sure I feel better but at least I know we're okay.

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I really need some company right now, if anyone's here. I just need to know people are here.

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I'm here!!!

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Brave

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Thanks, TrailRunner. It's comforting to know people can hear me, and I need that at the moment.

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I'm around until I fall asleep...

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Thanks, MobiusPsyche.

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