Couch 113 - Sofa, So Good

JunkDNA did it. I feel like a hypocrite now.

BunYip, what happened?

((BunYip))

I am so, so frustrated with T and therapy right now. I don't think I've ever felt this hopeless about it before.

I believe you are a wonderful person (no need for self-loathing, although when I'm depressed I have a tendency to do the same). I'm glad to hear you are managing okay. What's going on at work?

A friend of mine likes both puns and classical music. I posted a pic on her FB wall with a bunch of chickens with Bach's face plastered over their own. Caption said, "BACH BACH BACH BACH....BACH BACH BACH BACH" Yep...that's my sense of humor.

Well, he was tying to show me. He WAS showing me, actually. But it just didn't sink in yet, and we ran out of time. So that was the best he could do. It's hard for me to accept good things about me. So he told me that right before I left.

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It is so hard to make myself think that. It makes me actually feel conceded to think good think good things about myself, like it is wrong to love yourself. But I have always heard you can't love anyone else if you can't love yourself, and my t agreed.

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I hope you feel better, BunYip! Hugs for sure.

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Religion can be very good to talk about in healing with friends if you find the right people. I know some people can make things worse. And the right church makes all the difference! Sorry you haven't had those good experiences. They can make things better.

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Chopin!! So great to hear from you! You are sounding very well, and I am so happy for you. Thanks for checking in ladybug!

Must. Keep. Eyes. Open.... This is seeming impossible. It's not even 08:00 and I wish I could take a nap. If the boss would leave, I would lay my head down and crash.

Thank you, that's sweet of you to say. But trust me, I am loathsome. I can't even allow people here on the couch to be nice to me without overreacting and repelling them.

And I had a rather unpleasant experience with my T today, which I don't even understand. I very much hope that I'll be able to work this out with him on Thursday, otherwise I'm not sure I will be able to continue with him. (I don't want to talk about it here, because I don't understand what it was he meant when he said something so there's no point in trying to relate it.)

Work... well, trying to make a long and boring story shorter, my immediate boss (or coordinator, rather) was unexpectedly told that she will be "reallocated" to another section, because apparently there have been problems in our section. Except that none of the rest of us here have any idea what those problems were supposed to consist of - it is very obvious that what she had done was anger those above, and so they want somebody more pliable, who doesn't protect our interests quite as much. Especially the interests of me and one of my colleagues, whose work profile is different from all the others at the department (we teach a different language - it's complicated). For a while I was rather worried that my job might disappear, but that doesn't seem at all likely now. The immediate result is however that the rest of us get a LOT more work to do, and some tasks that we are not at all prepared for, because there won't be a new coordinator until after Christmas. Plus the two of us who teach another language have been made to feel rather unwelcome - well, we already were, because we are "not useful" (since we cannot teach outside the section where we work - on the other hand we have so much teaching to do here that there's no way for us to keep up with it all, we have to turn students away.) And also, I'm really going to miss the coordinator. She is an excellent boss and colleague.

Sorry. I know that was not very interesting, but you did ask

Mine, too

Currently sitting in the car trying to convince myself to walk into work. I just want to be home in my bed. I emailed t yesterday telling him that I did a lot of thinking about recent topics in my session and have some thoughts.. But it is sensitive information and would feel comfortable emailing to him before seeing him in Friday because I don't think I could get them out of my mouth. I asked permission to do this because my emails are usually very general and short and this one wouldn't be. He hasn't responded..so, I am assuming it is a no and I have to wait and try to force it out of me in Friday

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Afternoon Couchies.

I hope you are feeling fine. Hugs to those who need them.

I'm still here, reading...posting a little. I'm trying to get out of my funk regarding health issues. I'm trying to feel grateful. There *are* things happening that I feel grateful about.

But mostly, I feel sad. Should I force myself to be positive or act positive? I thought we are supposed to 'feel how we feel?'

Going to college this summer, and extremely stressed. Good gosh, why make it so hard! BTW, hello Chopin! I just showed up on this thread a few weeks ago. Nice to meet you.

Hi, I don't know what this means? Can you explain? ...

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Hi couch. My morning assisting training went well. Small class (9 advocates) so that helped. Still no crazy-obsessive wanting to contact t, so I'm pretty sure I'm over that latest bout w transference. It was an intense one though, whew. I'm pretty sure she's going to want to talk about it Saturday when I'm there again. Hoping talking about it will be easier than going thru it.

Sitting in the breakroom eating lunch, it's nice and quiet in here for once. Nice to be able to hear myself think.

Sending hugs to all who want them.

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Sad. Didn't get that job. I was looking forward to it.

I think there is a difference between acting and feeling and sometimes one is just sad and sometimes one is sad but does not act sad and so on. Perhaps just being sad a while is something that you could just let yourself be without trying to be grateful or happy or whatever.

I'm sorry to hear about the job, Ellahmae.

I encouraged you to be strong the other day and yesterday I caved.

Hi Chopin! Good to see you!

It's the T's job to protect the boundaries, not yours.

((Bunyip))

You're about to make an important decision.

No. 3 has the most cavalier attitude towards money of any therapist I've ever met. ("Forgot your checkbook? My card reader charges you a fee, so you can just owe me." Or: "There's no need to write me a check every time. Just whenever you happen to think of it.")

Oh I see. Hang in there

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