Couch 113 - Sofa, So Good

Scottsdale

You have to force yourself to do it at first. Otherwise you will end up finding someone who will love(hate) you just like you think you deserve. And, believe me, it's so much worse than you can imagine.

Courtesy of following too much random stuff on Facebook (and having an incredibly boring job), I know waaaay more than I need to about cryonics...

No worries. I hereby appoint you the Official Couch Cryonics Czar.

No money, but a extra-soft (or firm, however you roll) Couch cushion for your back.

I'll take the soft one thanks And can I have a scepter? I'll use it to reach across and poke Stopdog's newspaper.

I doubt that.

Hey everyone! I just wanted to stop by and say "hello" to the old guard on the couch. I see artemis, stopdog, healed, mkac, and can't are still here...I hope y'all are doing well!! To the folks I don't recognize, hi! If you ever wondered why the beginning of the couch thread mentions Cool Whip, I am one of the originators of that. To the healthier members of the couch (ahem...stopdog), please know that I no longer eat it!

Quick update on me: January 2016 marked the beginning of my 3rd year of grad school in MH counseling (T school). I am simultaneously ready to graduate (expected Oct 2017) and scared s**tless about actually counseling people! The program encourages copious amounts of self-reflection that has taught me several important things:

1. I still have borderline tendencies and depression, necessitating finding a *good* T (who counsels Ts) for the rest of my life. I will also have a supervisor during internship and the 1st 2 years after I graduate. My career plan includes seeking supervision at least once per quarter even after achieving full licensure as an LPC.
2. My struggles with mental illness make me a stronger counselor. I wondered in the beginning if I was doing the right thing by becoming a counselor. The resounding answer is yes! My Track 1 residency professor said it gave me a "rod of steel in my backbone" (direct quote) that will help me counsel the most difficult of clients.
3. The T of whom I used to talk about here was a horrible counselor. In fact, two professors and an ethics expert from the ACA have encouraged me to report her to the state counseling board. The problem, where I live, is that reports to the licensing board are not anonymous under any circumstances, so my name and full complaint will be released to her. I realize I'm being selfish because I haven't reported her yet. I don't want her to ruin my career (she has the connections to do so) before it begins. I really don't think she would, but I'm still afraid of that chance. My Track 2 residency starts this Friday and I'm going to discuss it with a couple more professors who I trust.
3. This process has matured me and made me more willing to be truly vulnerable with others. There is nothing like realizing that you can f*** up someone else's life by making mistakes, even though mistakes are inevitable. Everyone deserves genuineness, grace, and kindness; the counseling profession calls it "unconditional positive regard" (thanks Carl Rogers ).
4. If learning how to counsel doesn't teach a person patience, nothing will, but thankfully most Ts are. That's more important than any theory or technique (if hankster is still around, it is all about the relationship, stupid...ain't that what you said...lol)!!
5. To those from my past here that remember the b I could be and thought I was making a mistake by doing this: even though I was already changing before returning to school, T school has changed me at the most fundamental level. The point of most of the training outside of theory and technique is to completely break you down to the lowest common denominator. This weeds out the weak, the unprepared, and the crazy (yes, truly crazy people apply to T school), in other words, those who have no business being Ts. After being broken and the non-Ts are weeded out, they build you back up. When that is done, you have exponentially greater self-awareness, confidence (although I still struggle with this one, especially when I'm depressed), and the capacity for empathy.

Lastly, please, please, please know this: If your T self-discloses on a regular basis and/or about details of his or her life beyond general info regarding past struggles or his/her family...RUN RUN RUN...don't walk...out of his or her office and don't look back. That T is trying to get his or her own needs met within the therapeutic relationship!!! That can lead to all kinds of unethical behavior. It happened to me and put me on one hell of a roller-coaster ride for more than 3 years and now I know it's the epitome of wrong.

I'm not back permanently, but I'll check for replies. If anyone wants to PM me, feel free...I'll write back!

Good night or good morning (depending on when you see this...lol).

I feel pathetic and unmotivated for life. Yet, I keep going. I'll never understand.

She is going to lower the paper to nose level and give you a Reproving Glare over the top of her glasses, you know.

I agree!!

Choppy!!! You sound great! Thanks for checking in! I was just thinking about you, there was a poster with a similar name recently, got my hopes up!

That was our championship season

When your t says that - he is taking the lazy route. He should be showing, not telling - like they tell new writers. That way you "absorb" the lesson, the message that you are to be treated nicely. Then - after several years of it! - when someone is not nice, you say hey wtf! like almost automatically, instead of bad stuff being automatic. Its like repaving the freeway - it helps to shut it down while you work on it.

I'll duck behind my cushion...

My therapist disclosed quite a bit, and like you, I am upright, and living the life I want to live. We terminated ~ 2 years ago, after an intensive 18 months of therapy. I think what works for one may not work for another, and thats okay; we are all different.

Good luck in your career.

Blah...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You changed your name on me, lady! And I do miss those days...

Hope you're well.

I would not call you selfish if you did not report your former t. There was illness, there was religion as a complicating factor (i dont know how to begin to resolve that). Your actions would not change the religious question that any potential client of hers would face, so why is this on your shoulders? In a southern state??

Glad to hear you're doing well. Yes, we are all different...and it's absolutely okay. Like I just told rainbow, I projected a bit from my relationship with my T onto her T. Rainbow has been though a lot with her T in the time I've known her and sometimes I thought her T wasn't helpful because long periods of time would elapse before progress was made. I've always empathized some with rainbow because we share a diagnosis. What I need to remember is that it took 6 years of therapy before I really learned how to manage the traits. It might take someone else 15 years and a 3rd person 2 years. I'm actually looking at lifelong therapy myself.

What you've said reminds me that therapy is really a journey of increased self-awareness...for the client AND the T. Always learning more...

(((((Chopin)))))
I left (again) and came back with a new name. But I am still an apteryx at heart and a mastodon by shape. SO good to hear from you. I remember that T you used to write about.... it must have been difficult to come to the realisation that she was not good for you but I'm kind of glad you did since it didn't sound all that healthy at the time, with the dual relationship and all that.

Well, a lot more went down with my T after I left here. The purpose of reporting her is to prevent her from causing harm to anyone else. The ACA considers me a T, even as a student, and I'm supposed to protect clients, even when they are not mine. That's why I perceive not doing so as selfish. Basically, she should have suspended her practice until she finished chemo or at least felt better.

The religious issue is covered in depth in the ACA code of ethics: for one, a T can't push her belief system on a client, and two, one of the reasons my therapy with her ended was that she refused to counsel me regarding my bisexuality. This direct quote is emblazoned in my memory: "You know you shouldn't ask me to counsel you in that area because you know my belief system and that I think it's wrong." I told this story in Track 1 residency and my prof's and classmates' jaws dropped. The point is, I shouldn't have even really known what her beliefs are. I confronted her about it in the next session and she said that she disagreed with her professors (who were just trying to teach her ethics codes which state specifically that religion should only be brought up by the client and the T must adapt to the client's religion, not the other way around.

Boundary violations occurred when she hired me to do some work for her. When I attempted to ask her why she did it, even though she knew it was wrong to do it in my case, she refused to talk about it, which ultimately destroyed the therapeutic relationship for good. We even had a session where we yelled at each other.

All of the above calls her competence into question.

Hey, lady! So glad to see you here. Everyone's changing their names. I might need to sneak back in as Bach.

I hope you're well!

Nono, you need to speek in a deeper voice and go "I'LL BE BACH."

I'm okay, thanks. Major upheaval at work (which I haven't mentioned on the couch I think), the same self loathing as usual, and marriage being what it is, but I'm managing.

ARGH! The puppy has put all his treasures (bits of wood, torn up toilet rolls, fossilised food etc) in my spare pair of shoes. Not happy!

I am out of control again. I have done something which crossed a major boundary with my T. But it feels strangely good.

I am so weary of my tiresome existence. I am bored with everything. I am off to bed early.