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  #76  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:03 PM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ilikecats View Post
I've spoken to my T about sex recently. It was a bit awkward for me, but not terrible. We mostly spoke about me feeling like a slut. But then the other day we also talked about how I'm unable to orgasm on my current meds. That was funny to hear her say the word "orgasm".

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I set a date and skip meds the day before.
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  #77  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:08 PM
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healed84 healed84 is offline
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Sometimes I wish I didn't like sex so much.. Dealing with csa makes the whole me enjoying sex complicated.

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  #78  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:08 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessForever View Post
Been really emotional since I write some more in my writing for my t. And I emailed him about it. So he know to expect it. I haven't been this honest in a long time, even though I have written him other things. They were deep, but, for some reason, not as emotional. And I'm afraid he will think of me as ever more crazy. I wrote something I was scared to admit. Just a little bit. Wow. I'm emotional right now. I think my mom is worried.

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I've felt that way before. The feeling that my counselor will think I'm even more crazy, but after it was brought out and talked about, it took that away and I wasn't. There was so much relief and freedom to walk on through it.
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"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

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  #79  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:09 PM
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healed84 healed84 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by velcro003 View Post
That's exactly what my T thought...


sigh. i am pretty sure i have, but that goes into the realm of...self-pleasure, and i am most definitely not talkign to my T about that! AHHHHHH.


That is one thing that t and I did not talk about.. Why is that more embarrassing than sex itself to talk s out.. That is interesting because I think had t brought that up, I may have turned red in the face.
__________________
"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second."

"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Thanks for this!
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  #80  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:12 PM
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Ellahmae Ellahmae is offline
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Talked with T today about her being my 'mom' and how I feel hurt when she takes days off because I feel like she's leaving me.

Not a fun conversation. I do not like feeling this way.

Sigh.

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  #81  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:13 PM
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DarknessForever DarknessForever is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
I've felt that way before. The feeling that my counselor will think I'm even more crazy, but after it was brought out and talked about, it took that away and I wasn't. There was so much relief and freedom to walk on through it.
Yeah. But it's pretty bad. Well, bad in my opinion. And pretty creppy. And really crazy sounding. He won't look fazed. He never does. But I'm scared at to what he will think.

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There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life.
  #82  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:13 PM
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DarknessForever DarknessForever is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellahmae View Post
Talked with T today about her being my 'mom' and how 8 feel hurt when she takes days off because I feel like she's leaving me.

Not a fun conversation. I do not like feeling this way.

Sigh.

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Hugs, Ellahmae.

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There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life.
Thanks for this!
Ellahmae
  #83  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:17 PM
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Ellahmae Ellahmae is offline
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I'm hungry.
I should eat something but my upset anxiety stomach won't have any of that.

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**the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain and every ounce of innocence is left inside her brain**

  #84  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:17 PM
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Ellahmae Ellahmae is offline
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Hey, bay. Thinking of you hope you're doing okay.

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**the curiosity can kill the soul but leave the pain and every ounce of innocence is left inside her brain**

  #85  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:18 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessForever View Post
Yeah. But it's pretty bad. Well, bad in my opinion. And pretty creppy. And really crazy sounding. He won't look fazed. He never does. But I'm scared at to what he will think.

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Totally understand. I get the same way. You were brave enough to email him. I wrote it on a card and we talked about the feelings I was having about sharing this with him. I asked him to read it, silently, and then we talked about it. That may have been the chicken way out of it, but it works for me. And the relief of bringing it out of myself and sharing it, as shared knowledge with another person was very freeing from the feelings I had about it.
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"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
  #86  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:18 PM
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DarknessForever DarknessForever is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellahmae View Post
I'm hungry.
I should eat something but my upset anxiety stomach won't have any of that.

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When I have those awful moments, I force myself to just eat. Even if a little amount of food, it's still better than none. Hate the nausea after, but it never comes up.

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__________________
There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life.
  #87  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:20 PM
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DarknessForever DarknessForever is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
Totally understand. I get the same way. You were brave enough to email him. I wrote it on a card and we talked about the feelings I was having about sharing this with him. I asked him to read it, silently, and then we talked about it. That may have been the chicken way out of it, but it works for me. And the relief of bringing it out of myself and sharing it, as shared knowledge with another person was very freeing from the feelings I had about it.
Well, not quite. I told him I wrote it down and was bringing it in. Makes sure I don't chicken out. If I don't do that, I never let him read it.

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__________________
There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life.
Thanks for this!
TrailRunner14
  #88  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:22 PM
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Ellahmae Ellahmae is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessForever View Post
When I have those awful moments, I force myself to just eat. Even if a little amount of food, it's still better than none. Hate the nausea after, but it never comes up.

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I wish it were that easy.
I have issues with food and eating in general.
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  #89  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:24 PM
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ilikecats ilikecats is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
Are you sure it's the medications? Were you already on the meds when you started? Because for young women without a lot of experience it can sometimes take a while to orgasm regularly, naturally. It sorts itself out eventually.
Yeah I was on the meds before I started having sex. I've never been able to orgasm though even before I started the meds, like when I was with myself. Maybe it is just an experience thing though. What do you mean by naturally? Is there a way to do it in an unnatural way, like with a certain medicine or something? Because if there is, I might want to look into that too.
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  #90  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:24 PM
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DarknessForever DarknessForever is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellahmae View Post
I wish it were that easy.
I have issues with food and eating in general.
Sorry, Ellahmae. I hope it gets better for you. Before I started to force myself to eat with my upset stomache, I refused to eat because I knew it would hurt. Hugs, Ellahmae.

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__________________
There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life.
  #91  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:26 PM
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ilikecats ilikecats is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by healed84 View Post
That is one thing that t and I did not talk about.. Why is that more embarrassing than sex itself to talk s out.. That is interesting because I think had t brought that up, I may have turned red in the face.
I agree, that is much more embarrassing for me to talk about than sex is. While sex is a bit embarrassing, that is wayyy more.
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"The illusion of effortlessness requires a great effort indeed."
Thanks for this!
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  #92  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:27 PM
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I was going to have a glass of wine tonight, but think I'd better not. My stomach is really upset and I'm not sure why. It feels like nervous-upset. The refinance is on schedule and the appraiser is coming Thursday, the house looks fine, work went good today even if I'm tired from doing my Olympian thing all morning, h and I still doing good talking to each other, maybe I'm waiting for the proverbial other shoe or something I don't know. But I can't stay out of the bathroom. Maybe it's just a 24 hr bug or something. Oops, gotta run again.
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  #93  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:29 PM
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DarknessForever DarknessForever is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within View Post
I was going to have a glass of wine tonight, but think I'd better not. My stomach is really upset and I'm not sure why. It feels like nervous-upset. The refinance is on schedule and the appraiser is coming Thursday, the house looks fine, work went good today even if I'm tired from doing my Olympian thing all morning, h and I still doing good talking to each other, maybe I'm waiting for the proverbial other shoe or something I don't know. But I can't stay out of the bathroom. Maybe it's just a 24 hr bug or something. Oops, gotta run again.
I hope you feel better soon, Art.

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__________________
There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life.
  #94  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:32 PM
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DarknessForever DarknessForever is offline
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I'm starting to feel anxious myself. I always do this right before bed.

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__________________
There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life.
  #95  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:36 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessForever View Post
Well, not quite. I told him I wrote it down and was bringing it in. Makes sure I don't chicken out. If I don't do that, I never let him read it.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk


Understand. I felt that freedom it gives the first time and now there is a great desire in my heart to feel that with all the scary things that come up. I pray courage for you. Hug!
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
Thanks for this!
DarknessForever
  #96  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:37 PM
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DarknessForever DarknessForever is offline
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Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
Understand. I felt that freedom it gives the first time and now there is a great desire in my heart to feel that with all the scary things that come up. I pray courage for you. Hug!
Thank you, TrailRunner. That means a lot to me.

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__________________
There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life.
Thanks for this!
TrailRunner14
  #97  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:41 PM
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atisketatasket atisketatasket is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ilikecats View Post
Yeah I was on the meds before I started having sex. I've never been able to orgasm though even before I started the meds, like when I was with myself. Maybe it is just an experience thing though. What do you mean by naturally? Is there a way to do it in an unnatural way, like with a certain medicine or something? Because if there is, I might want to look into that too.
By naturally I meant it will come in time. For myself and most women I know well enough to discuss such things with, sex gets enormously better and more pleasurable for women as time goes by. With more frequent and more regular and more intense and more enjoyable orgasms. It probably has something to do with greater personal experience, one's partner's greater experience, and just relaxing more.

There probably are natural aphrodisiacs that would increase the pleasure - Google around.
Thanks for this!
ilikecats
  #98  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:42 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within View Post
I was going to have a glass of wine tonight, but think I'd better not. My stomach is really upset and I'm not sure why. It feels like nervous-upset. The refinance is on schedule and the appraiser is coming Thursday, the house looks fine, work went good today even if I'm tired from doing my Olympian thing all morning, h and I still doing good talking to each other, maybe I'm waiting for the proverbial other shoe or something I don't know. But I can't stay out of the bathroom. Maybe it's just a 24 hr bug or something. Oops, gotta run again.


So sorry your tummy is distressed!! I hope it feels better soon. Totally understand the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling. I'm there much of the time too.

Glad all is going well your refi. That can be very taxing.

If you have some peppermint it might help settle your tummy. Couch 114 - Take a Pew
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
  #99  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:52 PM
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DarknessForever DarknessForever is offline
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Well, goodnight Couch. Hope all of you can get at least an hour of sleep tonight.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk
__________________
There are so many things wrong with me, and sometimes I believe there is more than what is diagnosed. I fear never healing, being left alone to crawl this heartless, cruel world. I hate myself so much, and sometimes, as much as I hate them, all I really want is a heartfelt hug. Will I ever make it through this thing called life? Or will I drown in the darkest depths of the ocean? Only time can tell. As for now, I just hide and I fear. This is, and will always be my life.
  #100  
Old May 17, 2016, 08:58 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessForever View Post
Well, goodnight Couch. Hope all of you can get at least an hour of sleep tonight.

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Good night! Get some good rest. Couch 114 - Take a Pew
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
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