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View Poll Results: Has your therapist given/offered you special treatment or attention?
Yes, and it was helpful to me 22 28.21%
Yes, and it was helpful to me
22 28.21%
Yes, and it did me harm 7 8.97%
Yes, and it did me harm
7 8.97%
Yes, and s/he stopped doing it at some point (either arbitrarily or by agreement) 7 8.97%
Yes, and s/he stopped doing it at some point (either arbitrarily or by agreement)
7 8.97%
No, and I am happy with that 28 35.90%
No, and I am happy with that
28 35.90%
No, and I wish s/he did 16 20.51%
No, and I wish s/he did
16 20.51%
Other (please explain) 9 11.54%
Other (please explain)
9 11.54%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 78. You may not vote on this poll

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  #26  
Old May 20, 2016, 10:38 PM
musinglizzy musinglizzy is offline
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I know I'm a broken record... but just adding my own take to this post.... yes, I guess I DID receive special treatment in therapy. My T started coming over to sit by me, she'd put her arm around me and pull me to her, and hold me. Rub my back, play with my hair, etc etc. I don't think I ever felt more safe, cared for and loved as I did during those times. After a few months of this, she stopped. She went from doing that several sessions in a row to nothing ever again. Never talked to me about it until I brought it up, and I'm still struggling with her over a year later. She told me she had never been that way with any other client (she's been a psychologist for like 25 years)...and I said to her "what made ME so f***ing special? Once she realized how much it hurt me, she guaranteed me she would NEVER do that with anyone ever again, she learned a hard lesson. She continued to "take things away" after that....and I never know what will be taken away next. She lied to me. I was disclosing some things to her that were difficult, but I was scared to. She assured me "nothing will change HERE," (if I were to share with her). So I did. NEXT session, she quit sitting by me, and hasn't since. I could go on.... but yeah, I guess I got special treatment in therapy, and I'm worse off because of it.
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  #27  
Old May 20, 2016, 10:56 PM
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Lol you never fail to make me laugh.
Ha! Thanks for reminding me of his gift! It was two inches tall, and i said, gee it looks a lot bigger in pictures! They didnt mind you taking it? He said something stupid like they didnt even notice, i dont remember.
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  #28  
Old May 20, 2016, 11:31 PM
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Ididitmyway Ididitmyway is offline
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I put "other" because it did both harm and some good.

But I am not sure how exactly to define "special treatment". Is it just some kind and warm gestures that go outside of a normal way of practicing for a particular therapist that aren't really violating professional boundaries, or they don't feel like a violation or aren't considered a violation by the ethical code?

See, when it comes to therapy, it's usually impossible to set hard and fast rules and criteria that would tell you exactly what is a benign "special treatment" and what is a boundary crossing/violation that could lead to ethical problems. In one scenario, giving a patient a hug may be very therapeutic and innocent and in the other scenario it may be the beginning of a potential trouble. And is a hug a special treatment in general? It may be, again, in some cases but in others it's just a spur of the moment and comes out of pure spontaneous compassion for the suffering of the human being in front of you rather than an established attitude towards that person.

This all is so subjective and uniquely depends on individual situations that it's hard to understand what special treatment is in therapy and what it was in my particular case.

I guess, seeing me outside of therapy settings could be seen as the ultimate special treatment by my T as he admitted that he would never consider doing it with his other clients. Did it help? In terms of meeting my goals and achieving what I wanted to achieve, no, it didn't help one bit. That entire relationship had sucked out so much of my life energy I could've used much more effectively otherwise and the confusion it created that cause a lot of emotional damage. At the same time, oddly enough, seeing him outside of therapy room eventually made it easier for me to end the relationship because outside of therapy the power imbalance between us was somewhat diminished.

Other than that, while I was in therapy, there was more self-disclosure from him than it was helpful to me but I suspect he disclosed a lot to others as well. The guy was emotionally needy and used every chance to find compassionate ears even if they belonged to his patients.

He made me hot tea before each session, which could be considered a special treatment but that actually felt good and I didn't have any problems with that at all. I didn't read into that and didn't try to interpret it like anything other than a kind gesture regardless of what could've motivated him in reality. I really didn't care why he did that. The tea was just the tea for me. Nothing more than that. It actually helped me relax and talk more freely in session.

Other stuff like holding my hand frequently, telling me that he loved me and that he felt intensely about me in and out of sessions, that I was "in and around" him was a clear ethical violation and while it could be seen as a special treatment, there was nothing benign and well-intentioned about it at all. It was super seductive, and like all seductive stuff it worked like a drug. It felt fantastic in the moment but it created frequent withdrawal reactions, and a reasonable conscious part of me was very worried.

It's impossible to describe everything here that could be seen as a special treatment. Like I said, all in all, it was harmful in many ways, but in some ways some of the things he did helped me. One of them was recognition and admiration of my unique gifts. He was the first person who could truly "see" me and who told me to follow my soul's callings at all times regardless of what others think of me. What others had been seeing in me as pathology, he saw as a spiritual gift and something beautiful. This was incredibly important to me and has been helping me since then. But I don't consider this recognition as special treatment though. To me it was therapy and the best part of therapy. He didn't have to violate ethics in order to give me that.
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  #29  
Old May 21, 2016, 12:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Ididitmyway View Post
This all is so subjective and uniquely depends on individual situations that it's hard to understand what special treatment is in therapy and what it was in my particular case.
True though i think that when the T is the one identifying something as special treatment, it is no longer subjective. Now the client is hearing explicitly from this hired caretaker figure that they are special. If the client suffers from emotional neglect or attachment trauma, this might be received as the powerful validation they have always longed for. In my case there was a straight line from there to obsession, dependency, powerlessness, regression, and ultimately a terribly traumatic ending.

Seems to me that for some people the entire experience is a form of special treatment. Even with so called good boundaries, the lavishing of attention is completely intoxicating.
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  #30  
Old May 21, 2016, 01:12 AM
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Ididitmyway Ididitmyway is offline
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Originally Posted by BudFox View Post
True though i think that when the T is the one identifying something as special treatment, it is no longer subjective. Now the client is hearing explicitly from this hired caretaker figure that they are special. If the client suffers from emotional neglect or attachment trauma, this might be received as the powerful validation they have always longed for. In my case there was a straight line from there to obsession, dependency, powerlessness, regression, and ultimately a terribly traumatic ending.

Seems to me that for some people the entire experience is a form of special treatment. Even with so called good boundaries, the lavishing of attention is completely intoxicating.
Good point.
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  #31  
Old May 21, 2016, 09:50 AM
Anonymous37890
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I think it borders on unethical behavior when a therapist tells a client they are doing something for them they don't do with any other client or very rarely. That is so bizarre and weird and wrong. Why do they do this? It seems to foster unhealthy expectations and beliefs on the part of the client, but the unhealthiness is actually owned by the therapist.
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  #32  
Old May 21, 2016, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987 View Post
I think it borders on unethical behavior when a therapist tells a client they are doing something for them they don't do with any other client or very rarely. That is so bizarre and weird and wrong. Why do they do this? It seems to foster unhealthy expectations and beliefs on the part of the client, but the unhealthiness is actually owned by the therapist.
The unhealthiness owned by the therapist… I think that probably explains a lot. They are trying get needs met also, maybe covertly. With me and last T, it was a meshing of needs. I desired and worshipped her, which was her drug, so she fed me special treatment, which was my drug, and then I desired her more, etc etc.
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  #33  
Old May 21, 2016, 11:46 AM
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Seems like I answer other almost every time on these polls...

T has done a lot for me over the years (outside contact, bought me gifts, has done favors for me totally outside of therapy, bought me small gifts, etc. However, I have no idea if it is special to me. I suspect a lot of it she would do for other clients.
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  #34  
Old May 21, 2016, 11:49 AM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Originally Posted by BudFox View Post
Yea, and it did me harm. Logically I knew nothing was going to happen beyond therapy, but that was in my logical brain. My emotional brain was carried away by intense longings and fantasies as a result of her singling me out.

The special treatment was:
- more self-disclosure with me than any other client (her own admission)
- lot of email contact, some quite intense, beyond her usual boundary
- sessions that frequently went long

I would also add that the whole relationship felt far too intimate, familiar, and seductive. Cant say for sure, but likely not her norm. So really the primary aspect of special treatment was the basic nature of the relationship. In the end, many confusing and devastating mixed signals.
Sessions that go long is, or can be, a HUGE boundary issue. No joke. Any t that ignores this - well, i wanna say theyre a moron, pardon my french.
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  #35  
Old May 21, 2016, 12:12 PM
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precaryous precaryous is offline
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Hi, I have been thinking how to answer this question since I have experienced special treatment that ended up devastating me.

Keep in mind, I didn't understand about "unethical" treatment at the time. I, indeed, thought he was treating me "special."
Pdoc one would dictate other patient's notes in front of me. I had a ride or two in his black corvette. He treated mr to lunch two or three times. He gave me a copy of his curriculum vitae to read- that included personal information about him and his family. He had me meet him at the courthouse saying we would meet after his court business was finished. He was a forensic psychiatrist, so that seemed to make sense to me at the time. I didn't know he was there because he was being *sued* by his former landlord for alleged damages his family had inflicted on his rental home. I didn't know his wife and baby we're going to be there. This was just supposed to a hospital follow up visit for me. He had just released me from a three week psych inpatient stay the week before. I didn't know he was going to ask me to sit with him and his family. I didn't know he was going to approach the bench without permission. I didn't know he was going to challenge the bailiff. The bailiff put his hand on his holstered gun and ordered Pdoc to leave the court room. There's more but I'll stop there. I liked him so much, I didn't want to see him as a questionable doctor. He did some real good for me, too.

Pdoc2- He began to give me the last appointment of the day so he would have more time to spend with me. He began giving long full-body hugs and infer he was reluctant to let me go. He would call me late at night, unbidden, and try to talk about our relationship. I remember he said, "I think I know the answer but...." And he would just trail off leaving me to guess what he was talking about. He told me I should let him hold $5,000.00 of mine because he was afraid I would spend it all. I never got it back. He told me having an intimate relationship with him would help me get out in the dating world. He convinced me-we did have a few intimate relationships. When he worried I would tell, he got my drivers license revoked by lying and saying I had seizures. That was special.

Current T- she allows me to contact her by email, office phone and cell phone. I think she allows other clients to do this, too, so I'm not sure if I would call it special treatment.

I did not have computer access in the 80's and 90's. Advocate Web did not exist. Not many scholars wrote about therapist exploitation at that time.
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  #36  
Old May 21, 2016, 12:16 PM
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Originally Posted by precaryous View Post
Hi, I have been thinking how to answer this question since I have experienced special treatment that ended up devastating me.

Keep in mind, I didn't understand about "unethical" treatment at the time. I, indeed, thought he was treating me "special."
Pdoc one would dictate other patient's notes in front of me. I had a ride or two in his black corvette. He treated mr to lunch two or three times. He gave me a copy of his curriculum vitae to read- that included personal information about him and his family. He had me meet him at the courthouse saying we would meet after his court business was finished. He was a forensic psychiatrist, so that seemed to make sense to me at the time. I didn't know he was there because he was being *sued* by his former landlord for alleged damages his family had inflicted on his rental home. I didn't know his wife and baby we're going to be there. This was just supposed to a hospital follow up visit for me. He had just released me from a three week psych inpatient stay the week before. I didn't know he was going to ask me to sit with him and his family. I didn't know he was going to approach the bench without permission. I didn't know he was going to challenge the bailiff. The bailiff put his hand on his holstered gun and ordered Pdoc to leave the court room. There's more but I'll stop there. I liked him so much, I didn't want to see him as a questionable doctor. He did some real good for me, too.

Pdoc2- He began to give me the last appointment of the day so he would have more time to spend with me. He began giving long full-body hugs and infer he was reluctant to let me go. He would call me late at night, unbidden, and try to talk about our relationship. I remember he said, "I think I know the answer but...." And he would just trail off leaving me to guess what he was talking about. He told me I should let him hold $5,000.00 of mine because he was afraid I would spend it all. I never got it back. He told me having an intimate relationship with him would help me get out in the dating world. When he worried I would tell, he got my drivers license revoked by lying and saying I had seizures. That was special.

Current T- she allows me to contact her by email, office phone and cell phone. I think she allows other clients to do this, too, so I'm not sure if I would call it special treatment.

I did not have computer access in the 80's and 90's. Advocate Web did not exist. Not many scholars wrote about therapist exploitation at that time.
I'm so sorry you were treated that way.
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  #37  
Old May 21, 2016, 12:45 PM
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The first one I see was being snotty one day and, after I had said no to something, retorted that my boundaries were much tighter than hers. Like I would leave that sort of thing up to her.
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  #38  
Old May 21, 2016, 01:25 PM
awkwardlyyours awkwardlyyours is offline
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T is complete blank-slate -- she's acknowledged it and said she uses a cognitive approach which may not work for everyone (but according to her is what made me stick around for as long as I have).

So, no 'special treatment'.

However, I recently told her I'll be terminating soon (insurance changes). She said she was feeling sad at the thought -- it's the first time she's said anything about her feelings (in a year's time). And, the whole thing was very disconcerting, discombobulating almost -- when she asked me how I felt about hearing that she was sad, I said I'd really rather not have known.

So, that was that. The idea of 'special treatment' gives me the heebie-jeebies (for me personally, that is).
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  #39  
Old May 21, 2016, 01:58 PM
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Special treatment in therapy was no copay when I couldn't afford to go otherwise.
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  #40  
Old May 21, 2016, 02:09 PM
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Originally Posted by precaryous View Post
Hi, I have been thinking how to answer this question since I have experienced special treatment that ended up devastating me.

Keep in mind, I didn't understand about "unethical" treatment at the time. I, indeed, thought he was treating me "special."
Pdoc one would dictate other patient's notes in front of me. I had a ride or two in his black corvette. He treated mr to lunch two or three times. He gave me a copy of his curriculum vitae to read- that included personal information about him and his family. He had me meet him at the courthouse saying we would meet after his court business was finished. He was a forensic psychiatrist, so that seemed to make sense to me at the time. I didn't know he was there because he was being *sued* by his former landlord for alleged damages his family had inflicted on his rental home. I didn't know his wife and baby we're going to be there. This was just supposed to a hospital follow up visit for me. He had just released me from a three week psych inpatient stay the week before. I didn't know he was going to ask me to sit with him and his family. I didn't know he was going to approach the bench without permission. I didn't know he was going to challenge the bailiff. The bailiff put his hand on his holstered gun and ordered Pdoc to leave the court room. There's more but I'll stop there. I liked him so much, I didn't want to see him as a questionable doctor. He did some real good for me, too.

Pdoc2- He began to give me the last appointment of the day so he would have more time to spend with me. He began giving long full-body hugs and infer he was reluctant to let me go. He would call me late at night, unbidden, and try to talk about our relationship. I remember he said, "I think I know the answer but...." And he would just trail off leaving me to guess what he was talking about. He told me I should let him hold $5,000.00 of mine because he was afraid I would spend it all. I never got it back. He told me having an intimate relationship with him would help me get out in the dating world. He convinced me-we did have a few intimate relationships. When he worried I would tell, he got my drivers license revoked by lying and saying I had seizures. That was special.

Current T- she allows me to contact her by email, office phone and cell phone. I think she allows other clients to do this, too, so I'm not sure if I would call it special treatment.

I did not have computer access in the 80's and 90's. Advocate Web did not exist. Not many scholars wrote about therapist exploitation at that time.
Wow, that second one sounds particularly exploitative on multiple levels. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Hope he's not still practicing (either of them, really).
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  #41  
Old May 21, 2016, 02:56 PM
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Wow, that second one sounds particularly exploitative on multiple levels. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Hope he's not still practicing (either of them, really).
One surrendered his license due to being convicted of a felony. He is in prison.

The second had his license revoked because-I found out I was not special at all. I was the second of seven women to come forward once he was arrested for having a female patient in his motel room against her will. I don't know why they did not prosecute him criminally for what he did to her...or to me. He began consulting about vitamins and health food. From what I have heard, he is retired now, still married. His family is successful. He enjoys life, yet, depression and PTSD have kept me stuck on the couch for twenty years.

Last edited by precaryous; May 21, 2016 at 06:02 PM.
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  #42  
Old May 21, 2016, 03:51 PM
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I have to wonder why a therapist would ever tell a client they are the only one the therapist does x for. To me, that seems more about the therapist than the client.

I agree, it's very controlling and manipulative. I think it's more like grooming, it's disgusting.

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  #43  
Old May 21, 2016, 03:55 PM
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My t has never said she gave me special treatment but I know that she treats me differently. My friend seen her too but her sessions were so different to mine. She ended up leaving t because she couldn't handle her challenges.
T treats me differently because we drink coffee together. She has gotten me books, gotten me an interview for training and will always accommodate me when I need extra sessions. She has shared a lot of her own process and history with me.

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  #44  
Old May 21, 2016, 04:08 PM
Waterbear Waterbear is offline
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My T offers me out of session contact by email, or by text in an emergency. The only reason I know that she doesn't do this with anyone else is because she said she wouldn't give me an answer straight away because she wanted to rake it to supervision. She just said that it hadn't come up before. She also goes over the 50 minutes, sometimes up to 75 but I honestly don't notice until I get to the car and really we only work until a natural end point, which I can just about see her working towards. I appreciate that she seems to want to achieve something each session and won't just throw me out of the door when the time is up. That said, old T I think had to squeeze in more people because of the charity she worked for and I was fine with that too. I think as it gets easier for me to open up and more can be achieved in 50 minutes she may start to reduce the time down, who knows. I think as one poster said above, each client is probably different in age, maturity, emotional intelligence, difficulties, communication etc etc so she probably does different things with different clients. That is what I think anyway.
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  #45  
Old May 21, 2016, 11:23 PM
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Lauliza Lauliza is offline
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I have to wonder why a therapist would ever tell a client they are the only one the therapist does x for. To me, that seems more about the therapist than the client.
I very much agree with this. When my T has offered outside contact or a joint session he would mention that he's done the same for maybe not all, but definitely some other clients.
Honestly even if I was getting special treatment I don't think he would tell me so. That just sets the stage for confusion and the risk of getting hurt.
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  #46  
Old May 22, 2016, 09:05 AM
Salmon77 Salmon77 is offline
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I suspect my T has difficulty fitting me into the schedule but manages anyway. I have a general idea that maybe I'm a favorite. But T has never said anything like that and I don't think he would. Sort of like asking a mother who her favorite child is--even if she has one, she probably shouldn't admit it.
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  #47  
Old May 22, 2016, 09:54 AM
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Reading these posts, I can't help but feel sorry for the therapist's other clients. You know, the ones who don't get special treatment. Even though they pay the same price. That's ******. Of course it's totally normal and human to want to be the T's favourite, to want to be special. I understand that. But what if these other clients were us ? In any case, I don't think a T should tell a client they're getting special treatment. That reminds me of the time my therapist told me she can't work with people who don't interest her. Of course that meant that I was interesting to her. And yet I felt sorry for the other clients, the people she turned away: don't they deserve help as well ?
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  #48  
Old May 22, 2016, 09:59 AM
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I agree that it can't serve any therapeutic purpose to tell a client that they are getting special-special treatment. Therapist flexibility is different thing, though. A T who is bent on doing therapy in the exact same manner with every client is not a T I would want to meet.
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  #49  
Old May 22, 2016, 10:00 AM
Anonymous37817
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I have had special treatment from a former psychiatrist. He was more like a father figure to me than a therapist, and it was very helpful to me.

We had a sort of invisible boundary that neither of us would cross, but i don't think that would work with every client, as someone mentioned before. Everyone is a bit different when it comes to interpersonal boundaries.
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  #50  
Old May 22, 2016, 10:20 AM
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MobiusPsyche MobiusPsyche is offline
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I don't get special treatment from my therapist. I feel special to her, in the sense that she understands me well and I'm not just a generic client, but no special treatment. I've only been seeing her for 14 months though and I haven't asked for anything special.

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