The Couch 115: Corduroy Pillows Are Making Headlines!

Everybody has fun until someone puts an eye out with a liner pencil or mascara brush.

That's where I put eyeliner. Is this wrong? I was brought up by my dad so had nobody to tell me.

Not wrong at all! There are several options. You can do that or move the darker down to the actual lash line and then use the lighter on the water line or keep doing the dark there. The lighter on the lash line is just a way to brighten and whiten the whites, look more awake.

Educational couch morning...
I like wearing makeup, but only when I want to. It's one of those things that I usually don't have the time for.
I have freckles, so I generally have a hell of a time finding the right foundation. I had one I loved but they discontinued it
Oh, and I haven't a clue how to use blush...

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Child is on the phone with two of her friends again arguing over who called who dumb. The secret lives of eight year olds...

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Stupid therapy.

(((Pre)))
What happened?

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What do you guys think about this:
T says she doesn't need to know the chronological detail of what happened to me to "understand that you are so hurt by the horrible things that happened to you."

Yes, she does! I am remembering things in pieces. I have a flashback...and I tell her about it. Later, I remember more about what happened...added details that make the event more horrible...but she doesn't want me to "obsess" about getting the details in order....

But, in that case, she won't truly know what happened to me the way I experienced it....She is not *seeing* or *hearing* ME, and I'm freakin' frustrated!

I'm not ruminating, I'm having flashbacks...and the events are not in order. Having perpT tell me he felt sorry for me like he feels sorry for street people...is bad...but then I remember the reason we were walking along Main Street when he said that was because, unbeknownst to me, he told his receptionist that I was *dangerous* so he was taking me for a walk...for *her* safety... The truth is, we were talking about why intimacy had stopped...and he didn't want his receptionist to hear that...

Those details of the second flashback make a big difference to *me* and are even more hurtful than just being compared to street people.

Don't the details matter? Ffs?!

I've always wished I had freckles....

(((Pre)))
I think what your T meant is not that the details are not important, but that she can still understand you and empathize with your pain even though she does not have them all.
Can you give her a call and talk to her about it?


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I do like my freckles, they just make color matching a little challenging. The right shade makes me a little paler than I am because of balancing the skin tone difference between my freckles and the rest of me. Store assistants don't seem to be trained when it comes to matching freckles and they always seem to want to give me something that turns me yellow. I do better slopping stuff on the back of my hand on the sly... But drugstore makeup does not feel as nice as the good stuff and I can't get away with that in Sephora, and the lighting is wrong too... First world problems I need to bring Ellahmae makeup shopping with me

Thank you, JS.

I need her to hear what happened to me.
How can she understand it...when I don't even understand it? I'm trying to make sense of it.

How can she know what happened to me or realize how horrible it was..when putting the sequences together surprises even *me*?

Doesn't anyone know what I mean?

Does anyone else remember bad things that happened to you in pieces?
How do you deal with that?

I could call her, but DD and grandson are coming over.
I've got to put on the "I'm ok" face. Maybe I will call her tomorrow.
I'm still so sad and angry.

..........

I don't know if it's ever possible for anyone to know exactly and understand perfectly another's experience. Even if they were right there with you they would experience the situation in their own way...
That doesn't mean your T can't care deeply for you, and empathize with you.

I remember reading somewhere that the emotional brain doesn't really understand time. Things just happen, and memories of years ago can seem as real as things from yesterday. It's about what comes to the forefront of your mind... Confusing, but then emotions are. Talking about them brings the logical brain into play, and makes them manageable...

Can find a minute to talk to your T before your family come, or maybe even send a text or an email?

Crocus, you can sit over by Stopdog

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innnntteeresting! i put my eyeliner on the water line i guess...i don't see how it could go any lower without looking weird?

Pre - I remember things not as a coherent narrative. It's all sort of there, I just can't put it all together at once - my mind shies away from it. Ergo, cannot tell anyone the "whole story."

I would also rather someone understand the feelings and emotions I have (because I sure don't) than understand in the sense of having the knowledge of what exactly happened when. The first seems more valuable - more accepting, like you didn't have to "prove" them into understanding. But that is probably just me.

This evening and night are going splendidly.
Around 18.45 I got a lot of thought and panickiness regarding trauma. Coping skills didn't work enough, so I took a benzo (this one is mildly sedating and calms me down)
Around 19.30 I decided, to hell with it, I'm going to bed early. So I took another benzo (this one is just very sedating)
And I just couldn't/can't fall asleep.
Now I have been fighting myself.. wanting to sleep, not wanting to take yet another benzo.. went downstairs a little before 0.00 (about half an hour ago) to have a drink (lemonade, not alcohol), talk to my dad for a minute and kidnap a snack.. and when I'm back in bed I suddenly think "Have I taken my REGULAR meds?" (those include clozapine, which is also sedating!) So.. I check, and no, haven't taken them.
So I took the meds.. and now it's starting to kick in and I feel like I might actually be able to sleep..
AND THEN I GET THE HICCOUGHS.
So that's, like, no sleep until these subside.

The waterline is the edge rim of your eyelids. It ends in your tearducts at the inside corner. You really should not put any type of pencil liner on it, you'll give yourself cooties. Sorry to be a spoilsport! Line navy blue as close to your lashes as possible instead.

Pre - sounds to me like you are developing your narrative. It will take a while to come together.

SD was right - someone's gonna put an eye out!

I'm all for the makeovers!! I don't wear makeup hardly ever, but that's mostly due to the fact that when I do put on anything beyond a little mineral powder, I look like a little girl who just played in her mommy's makeup. or a clown. not sure which....

Just got home from the airport dropping off my mother and sis in law. Interesting note, y'know my little kitten? She stayed hidden the entire time my mother was here. She refused to come out. In fact, by last night, I was almost convinced she had escaped the house and run away because I could NOT find her. But when we got home, there she was in the middle of the living room. Apparently she is smarter than I even knew, she could likely sense my tension at having my mother here in my house, so she stayed out of sight. Although admittedly like I said last night, her medicated was pretty tolerable for the 2.5 days they were here. We drove up "A" Mountain (Sentinal Peak) today before we went to the airport, and watched a couple hawks circling, that was very cool. My brother and his wife gave my son $500 for graduation. He was absolutely blown away and went straight to the bank and deposited it into his savings account as soon as we left the airport. Smart boy. My mother gave him $100, which he put in his wallet for spending money until he gets his first paycheck. I am looking forward to seeing t tomorrow. Time to start the laundry...

is that the one with the big blue butterfly in the middle? and the sparkly eye shadows? so pretty!!