[stolen_innocence08]

Question in the title, really. Something a T said to me once that has lingered in my mind.

Perhaps they just meant it as a compliment?

To me it would be a terrible insult regardless of the age and gender of the person saying it and regardless of how well I knew them, but I have no idea what it might mean to anybody else. Ask your T, it's the only way you can know.

[laxer12]

For me personally, I would not like that comment. If someone said it to me, it would probably mean that I was wearing makeup and a dress, or at least something more womanly than jeans and t-shirt or athletic shorts and a t-shirt. I generally don't dress very "womanly" so that's how I would interpret it. I think it depends on the context and if at that moment, you clearly look differently than normal.

I might would hear that compliment if dressed very fancy for some reason I guess. I would take it as a compliment. I doubt it is meant as an insult.

[awkwardlyyours]

In the absence of very specific context, I would find it creepy and condescending coming from a man I don't know well -- so, in general, only if it's said as a joke by a male friend, would I find it okay.

Coming from a T, the creepiness + condescension factor would be off the charts.

Then again, my boundaries about these things may be far more rigid than other folks (having grown up in a culture where men making public, graphic comments about women's and girls bodies was the norm, I am rather sensitive to it).

[CobolCapsule]

Strange thing to say. I would question it.

[runlola72]

Ick. Like, I guess I don't normally look like a woman to you, or what? So odd. Once my T commented that I looked all "gussied up", but I WAS dressed up way more than normal, as I was heading to a meeting, and usually show up in jeans. Plus, I mentioned FIRST that it felt weird to be dressed up in session. He followed up with his comment. Your T's comment was strange, I think.

[Salmon77]

That would creep me right the eff out.

[Ididitmyway]

This is an incredibly inappropriate comment for a T to make regardless of what it means and the intention behind it.

To me it means fat so I would not like it at all. Very strange comment for anyone to make.

Sent from my XT1565 using Tapatalk

[Marylin]

Sounds like a sexual appraisal,you look womanly, means you look sexually attractive and desirable. I think that is what it means when men say it.

The original poster did not specify the gender of the therapist who said it. It's not something I've ever heard said, but I can imagine it in a female as well as a male voice.

Originally Posted by Marylin

Sounds like a sexual appraisal,you look womanly, means you look sexually attractive and desirable. I think that is what it means when men say it.

I wouldn't have taken it as a sexual comment at all (perhaps much depends on the culture of the area, etc.) It would just seem an observation of a change of appearance to one more traditionally (guessing addressing attire) feminine or fancy compared to whatever the usual is for that woman. It may be clumsy, but I highly doubt it was meant as an insult or in any sexually inappropriate way.

I would take it to mean that the rest of the time they see me as a child, but I know that's my stuff talking.

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I would take it to mean that the rest of the time they see me as a child, but I know that's my stuff talking.

That could be. I can remember when I was in college, very close to graduation, I was getting ready to go to a job interview for my first teaching position and I stopped by my T's office for a session just prior to the interview. I was in very formal business dress which was MUCH different from my usual college jeans or shorts and t-shirts that T was used to seeing me in. He made a similar comment about how grown-up or professional I looked because it was so out of the ordinary for me. I suspect the "womanly" comment had to do with a difference in appearance from the norm more than anything.

[Luce]

I think if someone says "you're looking very womanly" it means they are a misogynist prick who should be punched in the head.

[awkwardlyyours]

Originally Posted by Luce

I think if someone says "you're looking very womanly" it means they are a misogynist prick who should be punched in the head.

Couldn't agree more

[Lauliza]

I've only heard it in the context of physical appearance (womanly = voluptuous). It has no place in therapy regardless of the meaning - it's very inappropriate and creepy thing to say.

[Waterbear]

I didn't see so much if a problem with it until I visualised myself saying "your looking very manly" to a male colleague or friend or anyone actually. I just wouldn't do it for it implies that at all other times they do not look like the sex that they actually are, and to me that would be an insult.

[stopdog]

I would not respond well to such a sexist comment.

[Random]

I would take it to mean that my outfit looks fancy but I can see how others take it too. I would definitely ask them to clarify what they meant and let the t know it made you uncomfortable.

I think there is lots of over thinking about this going on.

Bottom line: Is this a therapist who would normally in any way make sexist or inappropriate sexual comments to the OP? That would be where the OP probably needs to start. The rest of us don't know the therapist from Adam, so our interpretations are based on our own biases and experiences, not the the OP's experience with this particular therapist.

[TishaBuv]

If you are very young and usually dress very young-looking, like jeans and sneakers, than 'womanly' could mean grown-up. I feel the same as all other commenters that it's weird and creepy.

I have never been called 'womanly'. I've been told I look lady-like, attractive, pretty, feminine (when I am dressed that way). I was once told by a boyfriend when I got out of the pool in a bikini and was 120 pounds, that I had 'child-bearing hips'. He was terrified of me and that relationship didn't go far.

I would ask the therapist what they meant by their comment just for clarification. Then let us know, we'll have a chuckle over it...

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I think there is lots of over thinking about this going on.

Bottom line: Is this a therapist who would normally in any way make sexist or inappropriate sexual comments to the OP? That would be where the OP probably needs to start. The rest of us don't know the therapist from Adam, so our interpretations are based on our own biases and experiences, not the the OP's experience with this particular therapist.

I consider the comment to be sexist no matter what the therapist intended. I think it is a sexist comment even in a vacuum.