T terminated me

It happened.

I'm terminated.

My heart is torn up and bleeding.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh no. do you know why?

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I'm so sorry you're hurting. But really, I think this is best. You deserve a T who can treat you well and truly help you. This T did not. Good luck finding a new T, and I hope you feel alright.

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I just looked back at the thread where he first terminated you back in January. There's some good advice there, especially if you need medication refills.

I'm sorry to hear this. Did you contact another T I remember? Could you pursue that? You deserve someone to work with you properly. Difficult as it feels , there is a void that can be filled by a better T. Do keep posting and sending you big hugs

Hugs...I think this T was hurting more than helping. Hoping you can find a T who will be there for you in the way that you need...

I'm in so much pain. I know i need to move on but that still doesn't lessen the pain.

I've been through heartbreaks before so I know I will get through this one but this one is harder because of the open and intimate dynamic of therapy.

sorry you are hurting so bad, sounds like you were very attached to him. Like some of the other posters said it sounds like this relationship had not been working for a long time now. Do you have another t to go to?
I think it says a lot that he terminated over email, do you have a chance to close properly with a last closing session?

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I'm so sorry, hugs

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Sorry to hear that. I would be devastated. Perhaps it was for the best though. You deserve better.

No, he won't do a closing session. He doesn't want to see me at all. He said that he is done with me. He hates me.

It hurts but I know it was for the best.

He didn't have good boundaries at the start. They were very loose. And in January, when he gave me a 2 page list of rules to follow, the change was difficult for me.

Ironically, all of this happened after I admitted my transference towards him.

The termination letter:

It is now necessary for me to end my treatment with you. This will specifically include medication management, psychotherapy, and crisis intervention.

I will make sure that you have two months of your current medication. You need to find another psychiatrist to manage her medication. I will either mail you your ADHD medications or electronically send other medications to the CVS across from my office unless you designate a different pharmacy.

It will be up to you to decide whether or not you wish to continue individual psychotherapy with another therapist. I do not recommend that your therapy be unstructured and determined by what you feel you need. It needs to be very structured and oriented towards learning to manage your feelings. Dialectical Behavior Therapy would be an example of the type of structured therapy you could benefit from. Cognitive behavior therapy would also be an acceptable structured therapy. Continued mindfulness practices would also be helpful.

Should you experience any psychiatric emergencies, you will need to call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

Your financial stability is a crucial component to you being able to access the mental health resources you will need to continue your treatment. In order to help you with that, as well as to do what I can do to give you no reason to have any further contact with me, I am writing off any outstanding balance you owe me.

The depth and nature of your attachment to me and the manner in which you have fairly consistently attempted to maintain that attachment is the core issue that in my opinion is unresolvable.

I do not wish to restore a relationship that is inconsistent with an appropriate doctor-patient relationship.

Specifically, I believe that you were seeking a relationship with me that you were lacking anywhere else in your life and that need intensified recently with the losses of your grandfather and uncle.

Despite my attempts to set limits on the frequency, method, and content of your contacts with me, you were not able to limit yourself resulting in my having to block your phone number in order to stop the number of phone calls and incessant text messaging. Even when you were limited to being able to just email me, you used the mail in much the same manner that you use text messaging.

On my end, I experienced this as you invading my privacy, being disrespectful, verbally abusing me, and frankly defying my authority as your physician.

The content of many of your communications felt like manipulative guilt trips. I began to feel like I was in a relationship with a very needy woman who would not take "No" for an answer and who was constantly trying to do whatever she could do to maintain the relationship at all costs. It feels as if you are addicted to me.

Clearly, this is not a normal interaction one would expect between a doctor and his patient.

Even though you apologize for your unacceptable behaviors, it isn't long before you resume them. Your promises to do better are empty.

There is nothing you can do to change my decision.

That is a hard read for sure. But this is another human being and surely you can see that he cannot be who you need him to be, how you need him to be it. There are people out there who work in this way, maybe you could try to find one. I think, as difficult as this is for you, it is for the best. It must feel as if your life has cone crashing down around you, that there is no point to life anymore and that the future is destined to be a worthless mess of pain and anguish. I have been in that place and I have pressed the self destruct button as a result. Trust me, that won't solve this either. My thoughts are with you and I just hope that you can find some strength to keep going, to try and find what it is that you need.

You described it perfectly. Thank you for those words.

Wow, that letter started out kind of nice, then got quite harsh. He's putting all the blame on you. It's completely normal for clients to get attached to their T's, have transference, etc. I'm guessing because he's a psychiatrist, maybe he doesn't have training in how to handle it, so he put up all those boundaries and tried to push you away? He should have just admitted he felt uncomfortable with working with you when you first talked about the transference instead of stringing you along. And it sounds like he's not giving you any referrals? I really thought they were ethically obligated to do that.

Please try to find a new T, maybe one through a clinic or that offers a sliding scale. Or I think some places offer free DBT groups? I also don't think CBT would be right for you, as T's that strictly practice that aren't usually good at dealing with transference either. I think you should try to find a psychodynamic (I think that's the right term!) or psychoanalytic T. Good luck...

Hope you can find Pdoc and t soon. Don't wait too long. Maybe call your family doctor and ask for advice. Good luck. This situation was train wreck for a long time and it had to end. Hang in there

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Thanks so much.

I asked him for referrals and he said he didn't have any to give me.

I appreciate all of the responses and support. You're all helping me.

I contacted a therapist that I only saw a few times for fees.
I might set up an appointment with him.

Another T I really wanted to go to said he was booked and not accepting new patients so I emailed him back and asked him if he had a waiting list. I haven't heard anything back yet.

I would feel crushed by an email like that! What a jerk.

I agree about trying to find a psychodynamic therapist to help you with attachment, transference and boundaries. It is not your fault that you grew attached! I am guessing you had/have attachment issues with significant relationships and caretakers in your life. I may be wrong. It is common for people who have childhood attachment/boundary issues with parents/guardians to continue to have attachment/boundary issues in adulthood. But it needs to be acknowledged and worked on...not pushed away like this Pdoc did. Pfft.

My PrevT, once told me, "No matter how much I give (to me), it never seems to be enough." I told her, "That's how big the 'hole' is!"

Is there any possible way you can find a psychodynamic T....and also find a psychiatrist who prescribes your meds? Or can you find a T and ask your family doctor if s/he will prescribe your meds?

Oh dear. I am so sorry! *strongest hug*

But this is for the best, and now you can focus on finding the best therapist for you.

Edit: This is totally uncalled for and unprofessional, in my opinion. I do not know others may say, but to me, it feels like he is ripping you to shreds and putting all blame on you for an unbalanced, unhealthy patient-to-doctor relationship. Ugh. What an awful physician.