T terminated me

"defying my authority as your physician." He sounds like a complete *** hole. All the stuff about being in a relationship with a needy woman is absolutely horrible. It seems to be completely his stuff and his lack of self awareness is staggering. I don't understand why he recommended a type of treatment but didn't refer you. (I agree with Lonesome that his suggestion of CBT might not be a good choice.)
I'm sorry you are hurting, as others have said it is for the best. How can you heal with a therapist like that.

In my opinion... I can't believe he told you to do DBT therapy. Even my dr, who just quit, told me she was trained in it and even she thought it was cruel.

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This person clearly hasn't worked out their own stuff.

Hope you find a great T.

Hugs to you....even for me, that was a tough read!

Just a thought....do you think if you see a woman, the transference might not be so high? I know you said you contacted another T (sounded male, also). I'm just curious if male/female makes a difference for you? I'm not all that comfortable with men, so I knew I would want a female T. And...the fact that I never knew my dad, I could see myself with some sort of paternal transference if I did see a man T.

My T whom I've been having problems with is psychodynamic. I don't think it so much matters what modality you use, it's all about the therapist. When I started looking around at other T's, I had a small list of questions to ask them, (hugs, very occasional outside contact if required, etc) and of course they had to be comfortable with me still seeing T1. That narrowed it down quite a bit. So T1 is psychodynamic, T2 is CBT and T3 is SE. I find the psychodynamic the least helpful. But, that's due to ruptures more than anything I'm sure. The CBT T really makes me think....she asks the right questions, she's very good at what she does. The SE T is also very good in her own way....she's the one I can see staying with long term. It was not my intention to be seeing 3 T's at once! So really, although I completely agree with the theory of psychodynamic psychology, I think it's way more about the therapist than what modality they use.

Um, I've read the letter and it is succint and concise to me. It would appear that the T outlined expecatations and barriers repeatedly and you crossed them. I would agree that this then is more than grounds to terminate your working contract.

Look into DBT or CBT. I've had excellent results. Perhaps a group situation might be the most appropriate.

Speaking of Behavioural Therapy, sit down and give a long look at this whole situation. What evidence do you have the T is behaving inappropriately? What evidence is there they haven't? Similarly look at your own actions and ask what was perhaps positive or contributed negatively to the situation. What then seems to have been the most likely occurance? Consider then what you can do the same next time around and what you might wish to avoid or tweek. Make sure you then form your own expectations, limitations, and barriers regarding your next T/patient relationship.

Don't mean to be harsh but I agree with the dr. DBT and CBT would be good options for you plus as another poster said a female might be a better fit too. You do need to own some responsibility here. You were given a list of rules and decided not to follow then because it was too hard. It seems like he has an unstructured practice and that was not a good fit. I don't think blaming him or yourself is helpful. Just learn from the experience and move on using his recommendations so you don't fall into the same pattern and get hurt again.

Even though the email is harsh the psychiatrist was considerate enough to explain himself. A lot of therapists dump clients without explaining why which is wrong in my opinion. It doesn't give the client closure and much of an opportunity to learn from the experience. You have something to work with in your healing journey.

I don't think issues are unresolvable at all. People can definitely change. The psychiatrist was wrong for stating that.

Clearly he is not cut out to be a therapist. And any of those guys who talk about a client defying their physician authority (whatever the hell that is) is one to be well shed of. He sounds a bit misogynistic as well. Women need to submit to him or he can't handle it.

Yeah, agreed on that last part, with how he said she was like a needy woman in his life. Rather than just a needy *person.* Or, really, a person with needs (which we all have!)

I got the misogynistic vibe too. There is nothing professional about comparing the client to "being in a relationship with a very needy woman who would not take "No" for an answer". It is wrong on so many levels. He could explain himself without that bull. He needs to own his part in stringing her along all these months like a manipulative douche.
This is the same T who told OP he probably wouldn't care if she killed herself. He has some serious problems of his own.

hopealways,

I'm so sorry this happened.

There was some meanness in his letter, but I am glad he at least explained himself-and it was pretty clear it is mostly about him/his issues that made it unworkable. Especially the line about undermining his authority (what an ***$%&^).

And I don't think he meant your attachment was 'unresolvable'; it sounds like he was saying your attachment to him was unresolvable because he didn't know how to work with such issues and due to his own issues which I give him some credit for admitting too.

A lot of us with attachment trauma have big needs, but there are some who can work well with our issues. And i think a lot of people, including the therapists (well that's an understatement--i am finding they are often totally clueless) is that the therapy setting and relationship opens pandora's box to attachment needs that are sometimes repressed for years, even decades. And the memories of the past that proliferate can be the emotions of a 2 year old, a 5 year old.

People who don't have these issues have grown up and slowly dealt with them all of the years. Those who didn't, were often little adults, needs repressed. When this is the case, therapy may be the first time the client is experiencing those needs. I think it might be helpful for those who don't understand to try to imagine feeling like a 5 year old in an adult body, having adult expectations. Your emotional development is frozen in time, and you can't expect someone in that state to act as someone with the emotional maturity of an adult. The emotional needs of young children are overwhelming to them, as us parents have experienced first hand.

If that's the case, we need help with these emotions, not punishment and scorn. Sadly, it's become increasingly obvious to me that there are not that many therapists who really get this.

Maybe that is not how it worked with you, but I'm seeing this happen a lot here. I agree with the poster who said psychodynamic therapy is best for attachment issues, but it is extremely risky, and requires someone highly trained and who has worked through their own issues. I find those are rare.

There seems to be good advice here about different therapies to try. I hope you find someone soon to help you cope with this loss. Hang in there.

I don't believe the OP is saying she is blameless in this situation. She knows she pushed the boundaries quite a lot.

I'm the one who suggested maybe seeing a female T. I don't know much at all about the OP.... history, age, (I think OP is female?) but I know for my own situation, seeing a female T would work out better for me. I haven't had a lot of supportive men in my life, and I'm afraid I might get way too attached if I did now!

I've been rejected by a few psychiatrists because they're saying that they cannot take over my meds.

How can a psychiatrist not take over your medications? What reason do they give? Or do they want to have an initial session with you before taking over your medications (which seems reasonable)?

what are you taking?

They might do this if there are controlled medications involved, or a cocktail of several that are normally not taken together (which many psychiatrists prescribe).

That's my case too. my primary care doctor had problem taking over my refills. Do you have a pcp or anything like that? If so, ask them to take over your refills and explain.

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A,

It recently happened to me too. They won't prescribe the medication that worked best for me that my last doctor prescribed. Instead, they keep prescribing me medications that don't work or make me worse off while my functioning declines to the lowest level ever. Worse, many of the medications they make me take are less safe then the one i was on before.

And i am the one with the mental problems?

Agree

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I think he should not have put his thoughts and feelings onto you. It's bordering on unethical. That letter is very disturbing and unprofessional. I know you are better off not seeing such a person. I know it hurts but obviously he has no clue what he is doing. I think an ethics committee would find that letter unethical. I'm not for sure, but my opinion is he's working in the wrong job.

I guess it depends on you pcp then.

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My heart aches. I'm so sorry that I placed my trust in someone. I'm so let down.

I know the feeling, very recently at that.

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No, it doesn't.

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I am sorry you are hurting. It was hard for me to read that letter. I know its hard to see but I think he did you a favor. Now you can find someone who is so much better for you.