Either via text or e-mail. Whatever the medium, the waiting KILLS me. I cannot stop obsessing. I get so antsy and will smoke tons of pot just to get my mind off of the whole thing. It almost seems better not to interact with him at all between sessions because I always end up getting disappointed by his response, or lack thereof. I know people get busy, and it's not realistic to always want immediate gratification. I miss the old days when there were no cell phones, internet, etc. If you wanted to get ahold of someone, you'd call their house and leave a voicemail. That was it. Nowadays, the current technology only fosters my insecurities.

Does this happen to anyone else? I've been this way in past relationships and also just have anxiety in general, especially in anticipation of things or important events. My mind just LOVES to work against me.

[LesFleursDuMal]

This is exactly why I think out of session contact is unhealthy and actually not really professional...

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Originally Posted by LesFleursDuMal

This is exactly why I think out of session contact is unhealthy and actually not really professional...

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I'm starting to agree. It doesn't help that my T and I exchange long novels between each other sometimes, so I get used to it and start expecting all text messages to be up to that level. I don't know...I'm just a fan of consistency. Also, it's hard to "bare my soul" as I sometimes do in text messages, because it leaves me vulnerable knowing I put myself out there and still have yet to get a response. Is it even worth it???

[Ellahmae]

I think it can be beneficial if the T is consistent and has a set way and time to respond and isn't just willy-nilly about it. If they take on out of session contact for clients there should be boundaries and set, talked about, and understood terms.

My T allows me unlimited out of session contact and guarantees a response to every text. I know her schedule so I know that sometimes I text during sessions and I know I'll get a response after. If she is unable to respond she sends me a preemptive text letting me know she'll be unavailable between certain hours.

It has helped me tremendously.

The way I see it hurting others as when there is no set expectation, follow through, or consistency.

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by winenot3

Does this happen to anyone else? I've been this way in past relationships and also just have anxiety in general, especially in anticipation of things or important events. My mind just LOVES to work against me.

Yes. I do highly anticipate her response but I'm never let down by them just anxious, especially if I send her extreme amounts or details or anything besides a regular update. I get fearful of her being angry at me. She never has been and never will be but my mind LOVES to work against me as well.

[AllHeart]

I used to panic the second I'd hit the 'send' button. I've gotten much better but I still do panic every now and again. I feel your uneasiness. Hope your response comes soon!

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Yes, I have panicked waiting for a response. It helped that my T was always consistent with responding.

I felt this way with first T but not with current T. I think it relates to how safe I feel with him. I have no fear of abandonment or rejection from him, so if he doesn't reply it's because he's busy not because of some other reason I might imagine. I think Ellahmae is right that's it's about consistency, which my T has proven over time.

[junkDNA]

sometimes i read too much into my Ts texts. like for example i asked him a question this morning and he said "yep". i read so much into that 3 letter word, haha. or if he'll send something and put a period at the end. i feel like the period means hes mad at me. i know it sounds ridiculous but ya . i get you

[stopdog]

I tell them not to write back. I don't really care for a response, and it keeps this sort of thing down.

[Monarch Butterfly]

Yes I feel anxious. I emailed my T last week and even told him in the subject line I'm feeling anxious about situation, explained situation in email and asked for his input.. He didn't respond. I resent it the next day. He responded to say he read it and would write back when he has more time. He hasn't. 7 days now. We don't text or phone. Next session I plan on asking what his protocol is for emails. He told me I can email him when I'm feeling anxious or upset. Blah.

[WrkNPrgress]

I felt a reaction to a recent text reply from my T recently. I don't ever text her but to arrange appointments. I recently texted her after something big happened and asked if I could get a emergency session and her reply a courteous but succinct message that she had no times open. There was no extra 'hang in there...' or any supportive that would have acknowledged my situation or reason why I needed that session. I was in a panic, and need support badly so it kinda pissed me off. (I took care of myself and she did text later that she had time.)

After reading comments here about consistency and maybe not relying on texts for support make me think that is her method. She has always been timely but succinct in her texts. Sometimes so much so it seems impolite. (Her messages are always straight to the point, No banter. No intros, just "I have (this date) available. " and "OK, see you then." (Personally, I dislike texts from people that don't start with a "Hello," but I'm old school like that.)

It may be that My T just does not wan to encourage text chats. Those messages do take time to make and it eats away at the T's "free" time inbetween sessions or at the end of the day. I have a CC that does reply and send nice thoughts but she also bills a HELL of a lot more than my personal T, so maybe she considers that time part of what you're paying for.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by LesFleursDuMal

This is exactly why I think out of session contact is unhealthy and actually not really professional...

The problem is that therapy unleashes powerful thoughts and feelings, and when the hour is up the client is stuck with whatever has been whipped up or whatever surfaces in the ensuing days. And for those given to anxiety and rumination (possibly resulting from prior trauma), no contact becomes a torment and possibly counter-productive. I blathered about this in a recent thread, but the last thing that should happen is to have a client spiraling into dysregulation and panic.

In a way I think it's the in-session contact that's not healthy.

Originally Posted by BudFox

The problem is that therapy unleashes powerful thoughts and feelings, and when the hour is up the client is stuck with whatever has been whipped up or whatever surfaces in the ensuing days. And for those given to anxiety and rumination (possibly resulting from prior trauma), no contact becomes a torment and possibly counter-productive. I blathered about this in a recent thread, but the last thing that should happen is to have a client spiraling into dysregulation and panic.

In a way I think it's the in-session contact that's not healthy.

I think both in and out of session contact can be unhealthy, depending on various factors. My issue is that I'm constantly having feelings of longing, and that's not good. My therapist just perpetuates it, even when he's trying to help. I'm trying not to complain about him too often on here because I'm sure I'm sounding like a broken record most of the time. Patterns...difficult to break.

[clairelisbeth]

I used to go crazy waiting from responses from both my T and my pdoc, but over the years, their responses have always been consistent, empathic and warm. I don't freak out like I used to because I feel safe texting them.

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[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by winenot3

I think both in and out of session contact can be unhealthy, depending on various factors. My issue is that I'm constantly having feelings of longing, and that's not good. My therapist just perpetuates it, even when he's trying to help. I'm trying not to complain about him too often on here because I'm sure I'm sounding like a broken record most of the time. Patterns...difficult to break.

Just wondering if you're still seeing the second T? If so, how is that going? Unless that's who you're waiting to hear back from, but I assumed it was the other T, just because you mentioned exchanging long texts in the past.

[substancelessblue]

Yes, gosh, it's the worst feeling. I try to never contact her out of session unless I'm in crisis, and in those instances the wait is unbearable if I've left her a message on her answering machine. My anxiety goes overboard like yours. It's always tempting to contact her but really I try not to unless I have no other option because I know the wait will make me feel so jittery and panicky.

[Schizoid_1]

Yes. For a couple of months, when she did not even respond my texts repeatedly when I asked for sessions, I was down the 'she does not care about me' 'she does not want me as a client' spiral. I told her about it and she usually responds within 2 business days. I still check my phone multiple times just to see if she has responded. My yearning for her is strong and sends me into despair because I cannot see her more often than those weekly sessions that seem years apart of pure agony.

[JaneTennison1]

With my old T I would go crazy. With current T, I know she will respond and so I hardly email. It feels good when things are secure.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by winenot3

I think both in and out of session contact can be unhealthy, depending on various factors. My issue is that I'm constantly having feelings of longing, and that's not good. My therapist just perpetuates it, even when he's trying to help. I'm trying not to complain about him too often on here because I'm sure I'm sounding like a broken record most of the time. Patterns...difficult to break.

I had to terminate therapy after 5 1/2 years because I could no longer tolerate the constant longing.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki

I had to terminate therapy after 5 1/2 years because I could no longer tolerate the constant longing.

The longing takes a long time to resolve. Mine started with one t, and still pops up occasionally with current t, and that's going on fifteen years now. The original longing was so not safe, I wonder how that contributes to the transferential resolution.

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Just wondering if you're still seeing the second T? If so, how is that going? Unless that's who you're waiting to hear back from, but I assumed it was the other T, just because you mentioned exchanging long texts in the past.

I am seeing second T still. I've been seeing him weekly. This post was about my other T. I feel so much better when I don't interact with him at all outside of session, because, again, it's always leaving me wanting and longing for him. He did eventually respond, but it was a strange string of text messages. I told him I'd be lonely this weekend because everyone I love is going out of town but me (I'm sick), and he told me to clean my room or something. I was like, "Hah, okay DAD!" After that he told me to find some time alone, take some new "photos" of myself, and come up with more "inspiration." He then signed the message -"Dad." This is only feeling slightly incestuous. Part of me loves it, and the other part is repelled, like usual. Of course I up the ante by telling him I got new underwear and that perhaps I should make good use of it. Why do I engage with him like this???? I don't understand myself AT ALL.

And I'm still scared of the man!!! T2 is still trying to get behind the feelings of WHY I'm so attached and what I'm getting out of the relationship. He says all he sees is frustration, anger, and bitterness on my end, and that the relationship between me and T1 has never changed since I started in 2013. Maybe he's right. I'm so sick of feeling literally "split" down the middle. One part of me wants him so bad, obsessively, longingly...and the other wants to run as FAST as I can away from him. I might add that people on PC here may or may not have conditioned me that every single therapist that crosses a sexual boundary are evil people and scary predators. I asked T2 about this and he said that's not always the case, but of course, it's hard to really know! Is T1 like this with me because he likes me, or because he's messing with me and wants to hurt me? Which is it? I would REALLY like to know.

(sorry for novel)

[junkDNA]

That is so disturbing. Your therapist, not you. Your feelings are natural. I understand your confusion. I understand wanting it but feeling gross abt it at the same time. Just know you're not alone in this situation... many others have been through it too

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Originally Posted by junkDNA

That is so disturbing. Your therapist, not you. Your feelings are natural. I understand your confusion. I understand wanting it but feeling gross abt it at the same time. Just know you're not alone in this situation... many others have been through it too

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Thanks. I do feel very very alone with this, often. It's not like it's something I can share with family or friends without getting insane looks. I'm so terrified of being judged for my behavior, because frankly, I feel like a desperate *****.

[missbella]

A third possibility for T1 is that HIS behavior is compulsive and unconscious, meaning his reasons for continuing can't be categorized.

I think the bottom line is to get away from immediate harmful situations and to look at the "why" of it at leisure. A couple of catty women are part of a non-therapy group I'm in. Both women have actually sought me out to inflict nasty words and gestures, likely to impart they're the new Queen Bees in town. Admittedly I obsess on their nastiness which often whirls in my head. (Knowing the "why" doesn't help.) But outside my head, I'm resolved to disengaged, to withdraw the negative attention and provoked responses they seem to seek from me.

In other words, my strategy with them and my inner world are two different things. I don't need to figure this out to get out of harm's way.