The Couch 120: The Missing Element

I need to get out of bed (it's after noon) and get on with unpacking. I loathe moving.

My friends and I have a running competition on who is worse at adulting -- currently, I think I'm winning because I'm yet to unpack boxes from 6 moves and 10+ years ago, not to mention yet to buy furniture.

After having lived with basically the sum total of a mattress + writing table and chair as furniture through grad school, I'm a trifle overwhelmed by the prospect of actually making choices on the furniture front (am almost tempted to call up an old ex who was rather obsessed with furniture shopping and ask her to do it but the other part of my brain is reminding me exactly how fraught all communication with her is).

Friends though seem to think that piddly stuff like not getting to work on time should count as not-adulting -- given my general obsessiveness about such stuff, that's easy-peasy for me.

You can do this! Here to cheer you on.

I'm sure the jerks here would have thrown those in too if they weren't chained down....

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I can relate to moving numerous times and not unpacking the same boxes again and again!

I'm so glad I'm not the only one, guys!!!

Speaking of failures in adulting, I am finally replacing my broken stove. I told my friends it's been broken for "a few months," but in reality it's been longer.

I don't know why I didn't do it earlier. Even if I didn't have the money, I have no qualms using a credit card and paying something like that down.

i have been writing in my journal trying to put some thought into what i want to do about the mother situation trying to decide what is best for me when i have no idea what that would be . can i live with the guilt i would feel if i cut all contact with her . i did that for many years in the past. when i had my son i started talking to her again. i wanted him to have some family . she had never been really mean to him until now . the other option is to keep her in my life and deal with the chaos . she will never abide by my boundaries and will never change . but being who i am i will know i have done my best and that will curb the guilt . and she will be taken care of .

Hey couch!! I had a great session with t today, we didn't do any 'work' but I share with her about the ceremony last weekend with my drumming group, and we talked about how different my job felt this past week with me no longer living from the "victim" frame of mind instead as my own heroine, how I'm totally handling the callers yelling and being conscious that it is "their stuff"so I don't sit there wanting to cry. I told her I was thinking again about working at home, and she's really encouraging me to do that, because it would get me out of the crowded office and out of all the noise, she said "you could turn your office into 'your' space, you could make it sacred space." I said well I'm not sure about that, I'm not sure at all that I want my work to be part of that, but she said maybe your work IS that - you're kind of being the caller's therapist in a way when they yell at you and you de-escalate, maybe that's where your healing work IS. I never thought of it that way, but maybe so. Hmm. I told her again that my one big concern with working at home, is that I got so isolated when I worked at home for Cox prior to this job (that's where I was working when I started therapy with her). But she said "You are a very different person now than you were then." And, I've already talked with a couple of my friends from work who are at home-ers, and they go out once a week for drinks or something to stay social. So they've already invited me to join them once I go WAH (work at home). So I'm strongly considering it again. I talked to my h about it, and he says it's fine with him. So I think I'm going to do it this time. I started to last time they offered it, but then changed my mind at the last minute. I realized today, that I could even change my hours to 6am-3pm and not have to get up any earlier than I do now - I could still get up at exactly the same time, eat breakfast, and be ready to work at 6. Then I'd be off an hour earlier. I think pretty strongly that I'm going to do it.

well that was a long post...

Oh and I almost forgot. I stood up to h last night and it felt really really good. I told t about that, too. I found out yesterday that I made bonus for 2nd quarter and it will be on my paycheck next Friday, and he goes "Yeah! Free money!" I said "It is NOT free money, I work HARD to earn that bonus." Then he laughed at me and said it again. "Free money!" I looked him right in the eye and said "Say it. Say that you know I work hard to make bonus." So he said it in a sing-songy way that said to me he was still thinking it was funny. So then I said "No!! Say it SERIOUSLY that you know I work hard for that bonus!" So then he finally did say that he knows I work hard to make bonus every quarter. I know it isn't a big thing. But dang it, sometimes you just have to take a stand no matter how little of a thing it's about.

I had wanted to bring up ending therapy today, but didn't get around to it. It felt so good talking about how far I've come since I started therapy with her, that I just let it go for next time. But seriously, I want to talk about termination. Not that I'm planning on quitting anytime soon, but I want to talk about it - I want to talk about what it looks like, how I will know when it is time, how we will go about doing it. In the past when I've tried, I have been nowhere near ready, and I would always end up crying, too overwhelmed by the feelings of loss that came just thinking about ending. When I think about ending now, I feel sadness, yes, but I am still happy underneath it all. I recognize that the sadness is a feeling and that I know now how to work with my feelings. Before, the feelings of loss would overwhelm me like I said and there was no "happy underneath" if that makes any sense. (ETA: I think she was sensing some of this. At one point I noticed her dabbing her eyes a little, like she was trying not to cry. But I didn't say anything. I need to think on that some. )

Well I will stop spamming the couch now. At least I am happy-spamming, unlike some of my spammings in the past!

Melissa Etheridge "Falling Up"

I'm having trouble deciding where to put junior cat's litter box. He meanwhile is hopping around on three paws with the fourth pressed against his crotch.

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Trying to get a visual of that @@....

Youre assuming she wants / expects your help? And that you have to stay in contact to help. Can you be available to help in emergencies but maintain minimal contact? Like i had helped my mother move house but i wasnt doing dinners or phone calls.

im not assuming anything she out right told me she expects me to be there for her etc...to come live here when she cant be on her own any more and to take care of her financially.

I can so relate. Mine now has Alzheimer's and not yet in a secure living situation, so the daily stress, combined with off/on abusive behavior and delusions is hell. I never know, from day to day, what kind of scene I'm going to walk in on. I had a friend tell me that some people make decisions early in life that determine what happens later--in other words, not to feel guilty about making other arrangements for my mother because she has set her own table by past actions. I think that's pretty good advice. Not saying I'm there yet, but I'm working toward it.

Day 9 or is is 10? of being held hostage in my own home by mechanicsHopefully they will ring tomorrow (Monday) to say I can pick it up Tuesday, fingers crossed . There has been a suzuki car down satirs parked under the tree for the past 5 days or so. Haven't seen anybody getting in or out of it. When do you ring the police to see if it is abandoned? Maybe I can get a new car out o this??
..

Dad had come home yesterday, but just received word that they are headed back to the ER. Not feeling well.

Heard from my sister back in the midwest, that our Mother has shingles. I know it's very painful. They put her on an antiviral, my sister didn't remember which one, and told her to take aleve for the pain. She won't take aleve though, because my sister is allergic to it, so she's afraid that she is too. So she's taking tylenol. She's pretty miserable. Her doctor said it's likely the stress of selling her house and having a new one built, that caused her to get it - and she refuses to take the anxiety meds the dr prescribed for her, so now she's dealing with this. And she still refuses to take the anxiety meds.... my sister took her to the doctor and got her stocked up with food so she doesn't have to go anywhere. I haven't called her yet because my sister said she wants to rest. Maybe I'll call her tomorrow...

She would be miserable coming back to the cold. And with no friends? Im not trying to argue with you, but my mother would voice the same fantasy i think just to torture me. Then she went ahead and made her own plans.

Can you and hubby and maybe eventually an estate planner look into her nursing home possibilities where she lives now? Are all her friends going someplace?

In the meantime, i will bow out of this conversation and wish you good fortune.

I've given up my title of Neighborhood Koolaid Mom, because in my old age I've lost the knack. The lemonade is too weak and way too sweet. The iced tea is too strong and not sweet enough. Ah, well, at least the pork chops didn't dry out! Arnold Palmer anyone?

I'd take a tall Arnold Palmer!

Thanks for the thoughts from the couchkateers. I have not had time to read back all the way -but I appreciate the nice messages.

Chris - I am sorry your dad is going back to hospital.

I hope whatever is going on in your life, you are managing okay. I've been thinking about you.

I haven't heard anything on Dad yet, but they were just heading to the ER when I posted last, so it could be hours before I hear anything. He's been tested thoroughly this week, so they may just end up putting him back in for more monitoring and even more testing. They always have trouble finding what is causing problems for him. They knew they hadn't figured out what caused this in the first place, so this may still be that mystery issue. We'll see.

Does this mean I have to yield the wing chair to you?

))SD((

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