[Myrto]

I saw my current T today. I tried talking about the fact that I was still very hurt by her behaviour in August (completely ignoring me for two weeks + complete change of boundaries). She got mad and said that we weren't working and that I should just move on. I said: "how can I move on? You've hurt me a lot" Then she said: "well, as an adult, you then need to draw the logical conclusion and leave" Just like that. I need to leave. Or I need to move on. I can't talk about what happened anymore. And I'm forbidden to email or text (except for scheduling) now. Please don't tell me I have to leave her because I can't. I have zero support besides her and all she offers is 50 minutes a week. Nothing else. I'm on my own the rest of the week. If I could find another therapist, but how? How many therapists will I have to see until I find the right one? Maybe the right one doesn't exist. I'm honestly hopeless.

Sorry this is happening. It sounds painful. I thought you had another therapist lined up, or am I thinking of someone else?

[stopdog]

I am sorry you are going through this.
I tried out over 30 of them. I learned a lot by doing that. I am not saying it is fun, but it was a useful endeavor.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Sorry this is happening. It sounds painful. I thought you had another therapist lined up, or am I thinking of someone else?

Yes, I saw another therapist yesterday. But she wanted me to quit my current T before starting with her. Which I can't do.

[awkwardlyyours]

Serious question(s) --

If you keep saying you're hurt etc i.e., defying her, she will terminate you?

Or, she won't terminate you even then but just keep making life more and more miserable for you (if that's possible) and suggesting instead that you terminate?

Because if it's the former, my suggestion would be for you to keep challenging her until she makes the decision -- I know that sounds batshit crazy and I'm sure many will disagree but from my limited personal experience (of romantic relationships), this was the only way I could get out of some really dysfunctional dynamics (when I couldn't muster up the will to get out of it on my own).

If it's the latter i.e., she'll never have the cojones to actually terminate you, then I'm really very sorry -- there are few more exquisite forms of emotional torture than that.

But it sounds like your current therapist is pretty much trying to get you to leave anyway; I'm not sure how fixable that situation is at all once the therapist has said that kind of thing. Perhaps it is time to go ahead and start with that new therapist.

[Ellahmae]

(((myrto)))

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Myrto

Yes, I saw another therapist yesterday. But she wanted me to quit my current T before starting with her. Which I can't do.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but really I think this is an opportunity. Current therapist seems to not want you as a client anymore (that line about drawing conclusions), and you have another therapist lined up, who won't see you unless you quit the first therapist.

The new therapist would be your support. At the moment I see nothing supportive about your current therapist's behavior. You are better off with no support at all than with an emotionally abusive therapist.

Ever had a bad romantic break-up? Sometimes, you just have to walk away.

[Ellahmae]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I'm sorry you're going through this, but really I think this is an opportunity. Current therapist seems to not want you as a client anymore (that line about drawing conclusions), and you have another therapist lined up, who won't see you unless you quit the first therapist.

The new therapist would be your support. At the moment I see nothing supportive about your current therapist's behavior. You are better off with no support at all than with an emotionally abusive therapist.

Ever had a bad romantic break-up? Sometimes, you just have to walk away.

This^^

She is abusive. You deserve better. You deserve honesty, support, and kindness. I wish you the best through this.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Myrto

Yes, I saw another therapist yesterday. But she wanted me to quit my current T before starting with her. Which I can't do.

I am so, so sorry! What a terrible thing for your current t to say. Do you feel she will terminate you if you don't quit?

Did you ask this other t if there is any way she would reconsider working with you so that you can find a way to leave current t?

I hope you can keep at your new t search. I know it's a frustrating and difficult process. I hope you find someone soon.

[rainbow8]

I am very sorry for what you're going through. I understand how terrible it must feel to hear your T say those words. It does sound like she wants you to terminate therapy with her but she is being awfully mean the way she's doing it.

I would suggest going ahead with the new T but I don't believe in lying. Maybe if you explain your situation again she will know the time is limited. I never wanted to leave my former T but it was the right decision. You'll attach to the new one too, and hopefully she'll be more competent than your current T. To be honest, my hunch is that your T will terminate you before long anyway so having a new T will be crucial. Again, I'm so sorry for your pain.

[missbella]

Harmful therapists: I needed to believe they would help me, but they didn't. I didn't let go of them, I let go of the illusion of them.

[itjustis]

Myrto I really have no experience of this and I don't know what to say, apart from what you have said we can't say! I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and I'm so sorry you're going through this. (hugs)

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

I am so, so sorry! What a terrible thing for your current t to say. Do you feel she will terminate you if you don't quit?

Did you ask this other t if there is any way she would reconsider working with you so that you can find a way to leave current t?

I hope you can keep at your new t search. I know it's a frustrating and difficult process. I hope you find someone soon.

She's capable of terminating me yes. The problem is that other T has only 5 years of experience. Something she didn't mention at all on her website. 5 years is nothing. I don't want to be her guinea pig.

[Duckling000]

Originally Posted by Myrto

She's capable of terminating me yes. The problem is that other T has only 5 years of experience. Something she didn't mention at all on her website. 5 years is nothing. I don't want to be her guinea pig.

If I may, I would suggest that isn't necessarily a reason to dismiss her out of hand. My T has less experience than that but has been brilliant. Sometimes people who are more recently qualified not only have more up to date training but more importantly they are more invested and hard working. Compared to a T who is very experienced but jaded and may not be giving it their all. Just my two cents.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Myrto

She's capable of terminating me yes. The problem is that other T has only 5 years of experience. Something she didn't mention at all on her website. 5 years is nothing. I don't want to be her guinea pig.

Wouldn't you rather be a guinea pig than a whipping girl? I would.

Originally Posted by Myrto

She's capable of terminating me yes. The problem is that other T has only 5 years of experience. Something she didn't mention at all on her website. 5 years is nothing. I don't want to be her guinea pig.

I understand that. We prefer experience. But your experienced T is abusing you. She's treating you very poorly and unethically. So, perhaps experience isn't working in your favor here.

Why not at least start with this new therapist for the interim? You can keep looking for someone more experienced if you wish, but at least you won't be completely without a therapist nor at the mercy of your unethical therapist. You'll have a go-to therapist to help you right now, and who knows, you might discover she'll be good to work with as you get to know her.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Myrto

She's capable of terminating me yes. The problem is that other T has only 5 years of experience. Something she didn't mention at all on her website. 5 years is nothing. I don't want to be her guinea pig.

Is it 5 years of practicing on her own? Because if it's anything like in the US, to get licensed, she probably had to have a bunch (like hundreds) of supervised hours and/or internships (depending on what type of degree she has) before that 5 years started. I've mostly seen experienced T's, but with medical doctors, I've found that younger ones can sometimes be better because they're up on the latest research and often more enthustiastic, willing to think outside the box, etc. I imagine it could be the same with T's.

I think you should give her a shot. Let her know you're in the process of leaving your T (tell her the awful thing she just told you) but need help getting out, then would stay with new T. Hopefully she'd be willing to at least give you a couple sessions while she helps you prepare to terminate.

Save

[divine1966]

I disagree that 5 years is nothing. If she is good then she is good. Frankly an ape would be a better t than your current one. Even if she is experienced. She is horrid

Originally Posted by Myrto

She's capable of terminating me yes. The problem is that other T has only 5 years of experience. Something she didn't mention at all on her website. 5 years is nothing. I don't want to be her guinea pig.

Myrto, I am so sorry this is happening to you. I did want to tell you that one of the best therapists I ever had was a graduate student at the time I was working with him. I went through A LOT of therapists after him, looking for someone as good.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Myrto

She's capable of terminating me yes. The problem is that other T has only 5 years of experience. Something she didn't mention at all on her website. 5 years is nothing. I don't want to be her guinea pig.

I can understand your concern. Five years isn't a ton but maybe it's enough.

Remember that just because a therapist has a lot of years experience doesn't automatically make them a good or qualified therapist. Just the same, because a therapist has a low number of years experience doesn't mean they lack skills. How many years does your t have under her belt?

Right now, your t isn't even treating you with the care, compassion, and respect that even guinea pigs deserve and receive. So what do you have to lose by trying this other t? I know this must be very scary and terribly painful for you. I really feel for you. Please just continue to take action in finding another t, rapidly, to help yourself because the situation you are in with current t is damaging and from the sounds of it, may not last much longer.

[Out There]

I'm sorry Myrto , this must be really tough for you. We do that " better the devil you know " thing - but they are a devil. I think your current T is making it unbearable for you so you will leave , she doesn't have the courage to terminate you. Pretty sick. I wouldn't dismiss a T with less experience , and the Rogerian style of this potential T may be just what you need. I wish you well.

[ScarletPimpernel]

If I was in your situation with my ex-T, I would put up with the cr*p just to be with her. So I do understand. But from the outside looking in, your relationship with your T seems to have already ended. It's not healthy. I'm sure if you saw one of us in a similar situation you'd suggest finding another T. Try out the new one you just saw. It might be the right T at the right time.

And as far as experience goes... My counselor at the crisis house I was in a couple years ago was awesome. She wasn't even licensed yet to do her own practice. I got so much out of seeing her for those couple of hours. And when ex-T left me, I called up the crisis house to talk to her again, and again she helped me out a ton. Experience isn't everything.

After I was terminated, I was given referrals and I looked some Ts up on the internet. It took me about five interviews to get the one I have now. If you can't leave, then make your task to keep looking for therapists and interviewing them while you stay with your current T. Make sure you ask about how they handle attachment difficulties. You're not alone, keep posting here.

[growlycat]

You can do this Myrto. You can walk away from a bad therapist and find someone who deserves to one you. You have us in the meantime