[retro_chic]

So my session today was kind of difficult and stilted for a number of reasons. One of those reasons was because of one topic in particular. I was telling T how I (still) idealise her even though I felt disappointed at times (like when she said she won't hug me). T then asked me if I ever wonder what she is like in her everyday life and if I've ever imagined what her life is like. I felt so awkward and guilty because I actually know quite a bit about her life from my "internet research". I actually had to go really out of my way to find info on her because she uses her maiden name for work. I even found home videos that her husband uploaded to youtube. I could never tell T any of this, she would be so creeped out and I'm scared she would terminate me. I feel so guilty though .

Have any of you ever told your T that you have googled/facebook stalked them? How did they react?

[musinglizzy]

I don't really continue to look, but when I first started with T1, I did google her quite a lot. I was looking for any info I could find, especially reviews from other clients. Never found anything. But I did read a newspaper article about her. She had published a book, a memoir of her childhood, which was very unconventional. I ordered it off Amazon, and read it, and found it very interesting! So I admitted it to her. That I had googled her in the beginning, looking for reviews or something, and found out about the book. She said that's pretty normal for clients to do that in the beginning, and we did spend part of a session discussing my reaction to her book. She asked if knowing all of that stuff bothered me (no,) or did I see her differently after having read it. I told her I actually had MORE respect for her after reading it, reading what she went through. It helped. We have not talked about it since......and I sometimes consider reading it for a second time...but I just haven't yet.

I think I would be ashamed to admit to my T if I've been continuously searching her on the internet..... I don't think I could tell her! But if something you've found is really bothering you, perhaps you might have to when the time is right?

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I don't really continue to look, but when I first started with T1, I did google her quite a lot. I was looking for any info I could find, especially reviews from other clients. Never found anything. But I did read a newspaper article about her. She had published a book, a memoir of her childhood, which was very unconventional. I ordered it off Amazon, and read it, and found it very interesting! So I admitted it to her. That I had googled her in the beginning, looking for reviews or something, and found out about the book. She said that's pretty normal for clients to do that in the beginning, and we did spend part of a session discussing my reaction to her book. She asked if knowing all of that stuff bothered me (no,) or did I see her differently after having read it. I told her I actually had MORE respect for her after reading it, reading what she went through. It helped. We have not talked about it since......and I sometimes consider reading it for a second time...but I just haven't yet.

I think I would be ashamed to admit to my T if I've been continuously searching her on the internet..... I don't think I could tell her! But if something you've found is really bothering you, perhaps you might have to when the time is right?

Nothing I have found out about T bothers me at all but the fact that I have invaded her privacy like that bothers me. I don't search her on the internet as often anymore but still pretty often. I started seeing this T in January so I don't know if now is still the classified as "the beginning"... probably not.

I always look up my T's. lol. It's natural to be curious.

I don't think it's considered "invading" anyone's privacy. What if your T looked you up? You would never know!

Nothing is private on the internet anyways. I would hope your T understands that. So, if she willingly puts stuff on the internet, she should expect that people will look her up, and that nothing she puts there is private.

Once having a similar discussion, T said "of course there's things about me you know from simply coming here (we work upstairs in her home).

I was thinking "I know lots about you from snooping online ". I didn't say anything, but wondered if she was opening the door for me to maybe enter that angle of the disscussion.

I don't think I'll ever tell.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

Nothing I have found out about T bothers me at all but the fact that I have invaded her privacy like that bothers me. I don't search her on the internet as often anymore but still pretty often. I started seeing this T in January so I don't know if now is still the classified as "the beginning"... probably not.

I agree, I don't see this as you invading her privacy. Invading her privacy would be more like driving by her house constantly or something like that. Like others have said in different posts..... I think whatever is on the internet, viewable by the public, is not invading privacy. A person who wishes to remain THAT private would not have anything online for anyone to view.

I have also read in other posts where people sometimes google their Ts just when they want some sort of connection. There are much worse things a person could do. I think this all is pretty harmless. As long as it's not affecting YOU in a negative way.

[SoConfused623]

I google and FB researched my T and felt guilty and told my T and it did not go well. I know that she felt that I invaded her privacy and she later admitted that she was mad. Because of this, my therapy has seemed stilted and awkward at times and I really wish that I had never told her! Nothing good came from it. I stay with her because after reading about other Ts on here, I know that I have a really good one.... a keeper. Good luck!

[BrazenApogee]

I looked him up when i first started, mostly because I looked up my last (bad) T too late and found out his license was "warned" for unethical behavior with a client (not a surprise considering how unethical he was with me) and he had done a bad thing to an animal. All things I would have liked to know prior and would have saved me months of bad therapy.

Now I still look him up on occasion, mostly when he's on vacation like now, because I miss him. I found a video of a lecture he did at a conference once and it surprised me when I first watched it because I have a problem looking at him in session. Being able to see who he really is and hearing the ideas he really has from the lecture has helped me become more comfortable with him.

I don't think I'll ever tell him. He may be mad, and I would be sad if he was. I think it is good in a way being able to know he really is a good guy though.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've looked up my T. She knows because I told her. She doesn't ask what I've found out, and I don't tell her. I would if she asked. But she knows I mostly do it to see pictures of her. She doesn't mind. But she told me when we terminate that she'd like me to stop looking her up. Instead choose 1 picture and keep it.

Most the information I learned is no big deal. I know a little about her daughter, her dog's and cat's name, her age, a little about her husband, etc. There are 2 things I know that I feel bad about. One is her home address. The other I'd rather not say.

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I always look up my T's. lol. It's natural to be curious.

I don't think it's considered "invading" anyone's privacy. What if your T looked you up? You would never know!

Nothing is private on the internet anyways. I would hope your T understands that. So, if she willingly puts stuff on the internet, she should expect that people will look her up, and that nothing she puts there is private.

So very true!!!

[retro_chic]

Thank you everyone for your replies! It has been interesting to hear the different reactions from your Ts. All the information I have found about my T is stuff that her husband had posted. His FB profile was not very private at all up until a couple of months ago. All the things I found out about my T are pretty minor and they're all good things. Like I found out she bought a kitten earlier this year which made me happy to know because I love cats.

But anyway, I'm not sure I'll ever tell her especially after hearing how some of your Ts got mad

I look at whatever is available online about my therapists quite frequently. Never even occurred to me there might be something "wrong" (or even weird) about this until I read posts here on PC fro m people worrying about these searches. I never even thought that I should discuss my information hunt with the therapists... they know anyway as I found them online. We search the internet for anything and anyone we are interested in... why would it be different or inappropriate about a T in any way?

[BrazenApogee]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I look at whatever is available online about my therapists quite frequently. Never even occurred to me there might be something "wrong" (or even weird) about this until I read posts here on PC fro m people worrying about these searches. I never even thought that I should discuss my information hunt with the therapists... they know anyway as I found them online. We search the internet for anything and anyone we are interested in... why would it be different or inappropriate about a T in any way?

True. I found my T online. I even drew him a picture of him from a picture I found online and let him see it and told him. So, he probably already knows I search on occasion. He was flattered by the drawing, he tried to steal it from me, but I took it home and put it on my wall so I can look at it. I'm impressed I managed to capture his compassionate eyes.

my t told me to google her so i could find out info about her and see i could trust her. she also said i could friend her on facebook. so she reacted just fine.

[runlola72]

I understand... I've snooped too, primarily in the beginning but I even broke down and looked recently. I found a gorgeous picture of him playing in the snow with his kids years ago (they are grown now). It made me jealous but served me right. :/