New boundaries implemented

That's what was so insidious to me about damaging therapy. I definitely blamed myself for my therapists' unprofessional and malicious behavior.

In my case, my therapy for therapy wasn't similarly damaging. But it wasn't helpful because it maintained the same dynamic--the therapist as authority and "expert." It wasn't until I unraveled that therapy was no more than someone with a college degree role playing, that I began to diminish the awe and intimidation they evoked. Apparently my therapists relished the admiration because they never discouraged it. For me, an intimate relationship with a "guru" was the opposite of healing. It only reinforced my sense of inferiority which I carried into other relationships.

Sounds like a bad therapist;; you can either stay with her and be disrespected, or find someone else....hard I know.

Or do neither. I regret having gone through about 10-11 therapists in person and on the phone. I found it degrading to say -- my last therapist damaged me, will you please believe me and validate me. And I realized I was paying one therapist to help with the harm caused by another, who I also paid. It felt wrong on so many levels.

There are multiple options and not having a therapist is a valid option amongst them.
To me, this one sounds awful and punishing. I would not deal with this one and not paying any of them would, for me, be better than continuuing with this one. One need not endure a horrible therapist.

OP - could you go test drive other therapists without deciding anything about the one you are seeing currently? Like take a break and just see?

OP - have you had other therapists in the past? If so, were they better than the one you have now? I understand that one may get attached to them, but I have found (not with therapists but with others - I have not felt attachment to a therapist) that it may not be a good attachment and for me, while it might be unpleasant in the short term to do something different, it is better than an attachment to the wrong person is for me.

Though my experience was in ways different, I identified with the client blaming/shaming described in the OP. I experienced traumatic bonding. In my case it felt like an Authority Figure condemning me.

I process this personally by removing my therapists of their pedestals, remembering they could have been classmates who merely received a degree and are playing roles. They were not Authorities at anything. So the "meaness" I received from in fact had no more power than a clueless, misfit classmate bullying me. School bullies were punks after all. Unfortunately some therapists can be bullies.

How are you doing Myrto. Have you seen your T again since? I know that the road of searching for a new T is hard, if that is still the route you are thinking of taking, but I believe it can be worth it. I understand it takes energy and time but maybe you can take your time if you want it to be more relaxed, to make sure you find someone who is the right fit. Needing therapy for therapy is not stupid or pathetic. This T didn't really do right by you and that really is sad and hurtful, but it isn't your fault. Hope you are doing OK anyway.

Well said, Waterbear. It is not stupid or pathetic to need therapy for any reason.

OP -have you been back to see the therapist? How did it go?

I have seen my therapist just today. The session was mostly silent. I was too exhausted to argue or to try to have her understand what she did wrong. Besides, she won't admit to it. I've called two therapists. They seemed fine on their website, lived not too far but it turns out they're both too expensive AND they both only work one day of the week in the city I live in (they work the rest of the week in another city). I'm honestly discouraged already.

I did see her today. Not a productive session at all. I think I'm going to stick with this current therapist while trying to find another therapist I can process things with. Thanks.

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the update Myrto.

Sounds clear-headed.

My difficulty, when things went off-rails, was blaming myself for the (co) therapists' unprofessionalism. And I had to "take charge" once it was evident they had abandoned their responsibilities.

All the best.

I am glad that you seem to be able to see this as her issue Myrto, as it rightly is. I can relate to the discouraged feeling, I certainly had that as I was trying to find a new T. My thoughts are with you as you navigate this, just wanted to let you know that, for what it may be worth.

Thanks a lot! That's very nice of you. It is insanely hard to find a new therapist and I live in a big city where there are plenty of options. But I Have to consider location, specialization and gender and already plenty of options disappear. I'm not giving up though.

I am glad to hear that!! It is certainly important that it is right. I think my current T was the last of many options having myself discounted a lot for many reasons and some who discounted me too.

Myrto: don't let the obstacles discourage you. There is someone out there who can help you move on from this! And when you find that someone, you'll be so glad you didn't give up.

OP- I hope you find someone new and better soon.

For me, I might consider going a bit outside of specialization - just to see how some other might be. It would not mean you had to stick with them, just that you could investigate and see if specialization was completely needed.

I worry I'll add to your distress, but I really want to warn you--
Not taking responsibility and blaming others is the biggest sign of a narcissistic personality. That's where someone is "split" and sees herself all good and projects that part of her that's 'bad' onto others. Hopefully this is not the case and she will see her role in things.

Good for you for seeking out new therapists. Hang in there--maybe you could rest and recharge until you get the energy to make a move.

Take care.

I didn't post because you have had so many posts telling you how bad your T is that I was wondering how that feels. I know I get defensive when my T is criticized. I have changed Ts even when I've been very attached, and starting with a new one was never like starting over. Whatever you do, I wish you good luck.

Could you try to look for a therapist with an integrative approach? They are much less likely to be rigid because they draw from a variety of approaches rather than just one, and they will tailor the treatment to suit each individual client. Basically, they'll treat you like a person. No weird boundaries. No blank slate crap. Both of mine use this approach, and when my friend was looking for a therapist a few months ago I recommended she go for integrative as well, which has worked out great for her so far.

"Integrative therapy, or integrative counselling is a combined approach to psychotherapy that brings together different elements of specific therapies. Integrative therapists take the view that there is no single approach that can treat each client in all situations. Each person needs to be considered as a whole and counselling techniques must be tailored to their individual needs and personal circumstances.

Integrative counselling maintains the idea that there are many ways in which human psychology can be explored and understood - no one theory holds the answer. All theories are considered to have value, even if their foundational principles contradict each other - hence the need to integrate them.

The integrative approach also refers to the infusion of a person's personality and needs - integrating the affective, behavioural, cognitive, and physiological systems within one person, as well as addressing social and spiritual aspects. Essentially, integrative counsellors are not only concerned with what works, but why it works - tailoring therapy to their clients and not the client to the therapy."

If you want to read more about it:

Integrative Therapy - Counselling Directory

I'm sorry youre going through this Myrto

So I've been a little vindictive lately. Actually I've been a flat out b****. So irritable! So from my point I think you should drop her before she drops you. But before doing so I think you should email her 100 times. And then post her contact information on here and other forums and say that she's offering free services. Then she can learn the true definition of harassment.