Apparently I need to move on

Yes, well said. This seems to be what is going on with OP's therapist. Happened to me also. My therapist didn't just slam the door, she had an emotional breakdown when the praise turned off. If the therapist's need to avoid this discomfort tramples the client's need to vent about it, then it's the therapist's therapy and they should pay the client.

Legality and ethics mattered very little to me when I was harmed by therapy years ago. Hurt is hurt.

Though I think reporting bodies etc can be helpful in egregious cases, in my case (and many other cases I've read here on the board), it was "just" a matter of getting screwed over and there is no antidote to heal except time.

Anyway, even after termination I loved my therapist too much to report him or cause him any kind of professional hassle. He, on the other hand, didn't give two thoughts about making an effort to preserve the relationship or make sure I was okay after the last horrific session.

Sorry to go off on my own issues, but if it helps, I was actually able to recover enough over time to start therapy again. Even though terminations can feel horrible, all is not lost.

Yes you can when she treats you so very poorly. I understand extreme attachment, but what she said was just plain mean. My trust would be gone.

I'm sorry.

I am sorry but example of someone spending a year complaining got to me.

I don't think it makes a t that great and awesome if he/she just sits there the whole entire year collecting money from a vulnerable client listening to him complaining about missed appointment or what not (probably tuning it out the entire time and not even listening ).

Certainly maybe it's ok if therapy is free. But it's kind of unethical to collect big buck for a year long venting sessions.

I think if after few months of unresolved issue over missed appointments or being late or whatever, good t would either finds ways to resolve the issue or refers clients to some better t.

Now certainly client should be able to talk about whatever they want to. But someone who is unable to get over it for a year is clearly unwell and need more help than just opportunity to vent with no resolution.

How is that ok? Let's see 100 a session, 400 a month, 5000 a year. For what? Some Ts charge 200. One would go broke over this all while t just sits there! How wonderful. Apparently it is better than terminating?

I disagree - if I am willing to pay the therapist to sit there, then the therapist does not get to decide if it is helping me or not - I am the only one who can make that decision.
I am willing to pay the therapist for such a thing. I am not clearly unwell - in fact, I am just a garden variety client. I think it quite arrogant to think one can judge what is useful for someone else.

I agree with you here about the complaining client in this example. I can see a point in exploring why it was so upsetting to the client when the T missed or was late for a few appointments. Otherwise, I think a lot of Ts would eventually find it unethical to keep collecting money or billing insurance for what ultimately amounts years of weekly ***** sessions. Ts should have thick enough skin to handle a certain amount of anger, since it's part of the job without a doubt. Everyone has their limit, however (and it's not exactly fun for anyone to sit and listen to someone tell you how much you suck) and I don't see why a T should be obligated to engage after a certain point. Plus, I'd think both the client and the T have better ways to spend their time - it is an hour of your life you'll never get back, after all. You could get the same result from talking to a wall, which would be a lot cheaper and probably more convenient.

I will post the author and book if I can find it. Luckily that therapist did not have the attitude that a client has to move on at the therapist's pace.
I quit telling the woman things because she blew them off or responded so off that it was not worth it to me to continue trying to talk about it = nothing about that is resolved, but I found it not worth my time and money. However, telling her how badly she failed is very much worth my time and money.
For someone who would get what could be described as unpleasant to very unpleasant reaction from parents/nuns if they expressed anger or sadness over treatment - the ability to keep doing it until it plays out can be very very useful.

Telling someone else how they should be spending their time and money and therapy is really really arrogant.

I appreciate your point of view, though my viewpoint is much different.

I think having a specific in-therapy event that triggered such big feelings is an incredibly useful tool for a good therapist.

Agreed that an incompetent therapist may sit there and just listen without learning or interpreting anything, but a good therapist would see this as a ripe opportunity to work with strong feelings and focus on underlying causes, try to determine what keeps feeding the feelings etc. He/she might analyze how the client expresses anger and figure out what kind of responses help the client cope with similar difficulties in life. It's certainly annoying tedious work for a therapist but that's why they are paid 200 an hour.

Also, the client may be unwell, but I don't think that's something that should be held against them. I'd guess a year of dwelling on something like a missed appointment is pretty standard for untreated OCD.

Love this!!

I think if a client so deeply distressed over something t did, it's not appropriate for a t to sit there and charge distressed client for a year. It's just wrong in my opinion. Get to the bottom of what upsets said client!
Do something more than charging!

Sure I was seeing my t so I can talk about things I can't talk to others but I wasn't distressed about something she did.

We actually had members on here who went broke spending their last penny on seeing some truly horrible therapists. Makes me think some terrible t could aggravate client on purpose so client never leaves and keeps opening their wallet paying for venting sessions

That is up to me - not the therapist.

The therapist has a right to suggest alternatives, but I think the client ultimately knows what he/she needs and if that means griping for a year, who are any of us to claim differently?

I'd love to know how the therapy progressed after the year of griping.

Yes I agree and I think that is what a good therapist would do. The point is to get to the bottom of what happened between the client and T and resolve it. A T would learn an awful lot from these interactions since most of the time it's the Ts behavior that triggered the reaction in the first place. As for the client that went on for a year complaining about the same thing and nothing else - I'd hope they did get to the bottom of the issue and also find something else to focus on and talk about. If not, a lot of Ts would eventually either terminate or find something else to think about during those sessions so they could stay awake.

The therapist can think about anything she wants - it is no worse than when she tries to talk -I am fine with her making her shopping list in her head or whatever - I think those people do it all the time. It is what I expect from them.

Funny to think of a therapist terminating over having to listen to complaining - or more accurately, a lack of variety of the complaining.

Of course, except that there are two people involved so whether or not to continue is a decision that can involve both people. The therapist can terminate if they want

Sure they could. They would be quite terrible therapists in my opinion, but certainly if they can't handle something- they can stop being hired.

I have thus far found therapists who are not as controlling as that. I would think it easy to determine and I would not go back to one who was.

No not just complaining, everyone does that in therapy. I was specifically referring to chronic complaining about one issue that had to do with the T themselves. I don't even know if his ever really happens, I've never encountered it. If a t is that triggering the client should leave.

I guess this is a good example of why there are different types of therapists.

I would not see such w controlling therapist either and would never suggest someone else do either.

It certainly shouldn't be held against them, I never said it should, but they shouldn't be taken advantage of either.

Certainly could be OCD. So why no strategies are being suggested? How is it helping a client that he or she sits there distraught and nothing is being resolved? Therapist can't address that they missed an appointment? For a year? While client keeps paying being upset over something therapist did?

I don't really care if it's tedious for a therapist, I am concerned about clients, not therapists.

I really don't agree that a t who triggers clients badly and then watches them unravel for a year, is an awesome t. If they are unable to help then it would be much better to admit they can't help and find appropriate resources. Maybe help a client to find someone who specializes in OCD if that's the case.

Because, unlike a date, a therapist is not a real person to me in their therapist persona. They may be real in their own life - but not when acting as a therapist.
And indeed -to each their own. But I am glad there are therapists who I can get to do it the way I find somewhat not unuseful instead of being one of these who fit the descriptions of controlling, thin-skinned, etc ones who become punishing and only want clients who will roll over and submit to the therapist's ideas.

We are all different and have different strengths and weaknesses. What's stressful for one person is a cake walk for another and vice versa. A bad therapist is one that harms a person. A therapist who doesn't do therapy the way someone wants it may just be the wrong therapist, not a terrible one. Some are laid back, others hyper, some interactive, some blank slates. All clients won't see the same kind of T and all Ts do not do well with the same type of client. It's not always arrogance, it's also simply knowing what you can and can't work with. It's actually more arrogant to believe you can be a great T to all clients and provide every client with what they want. It goes for clients as well and it's equally arrogant to declare what a Ts job description is based on ones own preferences or to believe Ts exist to be a silent whipping boy or girl. If a client is of fairly sound mind, then I hope that is not how they treat other human beings regardless of their profession. If a T invokes that much ire week in and week out, I can't imagine why anyone would want to see them. But, if client and T are ok with that, then no harm done. To each their own. If not, then I'd hope a client would find another T or something else to do that is less triggering.

Good then that there is a selection to pick and choose from and that I found two who are detached and cold and indifferent - and if someone wants a punishing, thin skinned, control freak of a therapist, that they are out there too.

Okay, so this thread has been totally hijacked.

So, my experience with this --

- I was willing to pay out of pocket (no insurance) to repeatedly tell former T how she'd screwed up (in general but especially with respect to a very specific incident that happened about 10 months ago and which never got resolved to my satisfaction).

- She was willing -- more than willing, went out of her way in fact -- to make sure that I kept showing up i.e., kept paying up and did not terminate (I did finally terminate).

- However, and here's the kicker -- she (who's psychodynamic) was not willing to make any space for my anger. Not at all.

- In case anyone would like to inform me that her unwillingness was a projection of my no-doubt crazy mind etc -- nope, I relayed exact words to other Ts I interviewed (who generally were notoriously unwilling to acknowledge that any T could screw up) and every one of them (especially current T) said that what former T said / did in response to my anger was out of whack (what they attributed the out-of-whack-ness to was what they differed in but no one disputed that her responses were nutso).

- So yeah, this stuff about Ts "ethically" not wanting to take a client's money "just to listen" to them express their anger has well........little to do with what I experienced.

- Whether Ts should or shouldn't be willing to work with a client's anger is a different issue. I think it's a rather poor T who is unwilling to do it for as long as the client expresses a need. But, I understand that like every profession, there are a lot of lousy Ts out there and clients with low expectations of Ts (supply and demand etc) and so, if the "fit" in that sense exists, who am I to question?