Couch 122 - Doin' what we do!

Yo yo yo how is the couch doing this fine evening?

Lola!!!

What's up Hankster .. err I mean Unaluna

Hey Lola!

And she's gone.

Lola!!!!

Hey everyone, hope all are well

Lola.... Things seem to be going well for you. According to fb anyways

Things are well... I'm trying to hold my self together. My grandmother died and those were dark times but I'm making it

Cool whip?

Lola calling cool whip.. That has got to bring somebody back!!

Seriously it's a Friday night in the USA.. where is everyone ? Glad to see the couch lives on ��

Not sure where everyone is.. Honestly, I just lurk her most of the time. Or lost when I can't sleep because of meds, anxiety, and bad life choices.. Which seems to be the current cause of my insomnia.

I'm distracting myself in a hobby and planning, and writing and trying not to run into a hole screaming

I had a great birthday until one of my past abusers who I have been away from for 12 years decided to somehow find my number and text me . I've spent the last 2.5 days throwing up and having flashbacks. I'm a little more settled now but just feel uncomfortable and 'off'.

Are you ok?

Not really. I've used more of my PRN in the past 2 days then I've used all year. I'm having a really hard time and don't know what to do with myself. My T has been great and there for me as much as she can be but it's really difficult. I can't tell my husband, I can't tell my sister because they know the person it's family and it just sucks and I feel awful and dirty and shameful and guilty all over again - like it's all the first time and I'm just sick and so exhausted. It's thrown my internal system all out of order and ya, I'm surviving, somehow.

Thanks, Lola.

I missed you, Ellahmae!

And, what a...I don't think a word bad enough has been invented in English yet.

Can you at least tell the person to stop and back off?

Yay Lola!

I was instructed by T to block him, don't respond. So I did. So under that # he can't contact me again but it was so out of the blue and brought back memories and I'm trying not to let him have any more of my life. He had 20 years . I'm just confused and conflicted and maybe it was my fault? I owe him an apology. This **** really messes with your brain and is soooooooo ****ing confusing.

((Ellahmae))

I think it would really help if you did tell one of them. You wouldn't have to face this alone.

Your abuser uses shame and secrecy against you. If you can break the secrecy then you can drain some of its power.

I'm in no way qualified to give advice , but at some point you have to understand you were a victim, but you no longer have to be. You are a grown person who can determine who you associate with and he can't hurt you anymore , you are stronger and older and wiser.

If you were preverbal when it started...how can you be at fault?

That is a very good question! That is a place I find myself stuck with images and fragments that I don't know what to do with.

I was about to post a "please hear me" and this was here.

What do you do with that.?